DEAR ABBY: I am conflicted about boundaries being crossed between my family therapist and me. My 7-year-old son and I have been seeing someone we both bonded with and felt comfortable with. That is, until the therapist and I found each other on an online dating site.

We matched a few months ago. Once I realized it was him, I felt embarrassed and blocked him on the site. He sent me an email within three minutes acknowledging that he knew it was me. He said he thought I was "awesome" and that I look better in person than in my pics. I was so embarrassed I didn't respond.

A couple of months went by and neither of us brought it up. My son invited him to his birthday party and he did attend. It wasn't until later that I realized therapists are not supposed to attend social events with patients. We also text often, during late-night hours.

A couple of weeks after my son's birthday party he tried matching with me again on the dating site. I was surprised and sent him a text asking him what he was doing. He responded by asking me if I was enjoying it, but did not answer my question. I do have a slight crush on him, but I'm not sure what his intentions are. I am aware that it's unethical. -- UNETHICAL CRUSH

DEAR UNETHICAL: You are correct that what the therapist has been doing is a breach of professional ethics. There is a reason for it. Patients are extremely vulnerable to manipulation.

When the online flirtation first started, you should have changed therapists. Heaven only knows how many other patients he has done this with. My advice is to draw the line, establish a working relationship with another therapist, and decide whether you want to report him to the association that licensed him to practice. You may have a crush on him, but what he is doing is predatory.

DEAR ABBY: Common manners are going extinct quicker than the dinosaurs did. I was raised to open doors, stand up for women sitting down at the table, etc. Nowadays opening the door for most women feels like getting slapped in the face. There is no acknowledgment of any kind.

Has our society disintegrated that far? These days if I open the door for someone and she doesn't acknowledge the courtesy, I say, "Thank you!" loud enough for her to hear and watch the reaction. I'm waiting for someone to slap me one day. -- GOOD MANNERS IN TEXAS

DEAR GOOD MANNERS: I agree that when a courtesy is extended, it should be acknowledged. However, if it isn't, shouting at someone is rude and makes you appear more like a petulant boor rather than the genteel individual your parents raised you to be.

P.S. When a gentleman opens a door for me -- old-fashioned girl that I am -- I always thank him. Then I add, "You were raised right!" which is true, and we go our separate ways with a smile.

DEAR ABBY: I am an unemployed (and looking) 24-year-old male who is the oldest of four. My three sisters are a 20-year-old who has a part-time job and goes to college, a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old. We all live at home with our physician parents.

Our longtime cleaning lady recently quit, and my parents seemingly have no interest in hiring a replacement. My sisters and my father don't help with the chores because they are seen as either too young or too busy. At most, they will unload groceries or assist in cooking a meal. My mother encourages this and does a fair amount of the work herself, but she has a job, so I'm frequently told to handle the dishes, cooking, pickups and drop-offs for after-school activities, garbage and recycling, groceries, miscellaneous errands (usually picking up things at the pharmacy) and occasional child care.

I get no sympathy or help. My sisters don't even bother to rinse their plates properly. They just leave them piled in the sink for someone else, and my mother recently yelled at me for "giving her attitude" when I hadn't said a word.

This situation is making it harder for me to get a job because I'm tired all the time, and my parents don't listen to a word I say. I'm not unaware of the fact that as the oldest, more is expected of me, but I think this is well past the point of what's expected. What should I do? -- OVERWORKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVERWORKED: Start reviewing your options. The first thing you need to do is understand why you are unemployed. If there are no openings in your field, start considering other kinds of jobs you may be suited for.

If you want to be something more than an unpaid domestic worker, you may have to figure out what it will take for you to live on your own -- perhaps with a roommate or two. Even if you don't find the ideal job, employment will solve your problem because you will be too busy working to do the things you're being required to do now.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I'm thrilled to have found love. I have ex-co-workers I want to be there. I also have longtime friends who still work with me. The problem is they gossip at work all the time. I know if they attend my wedding, there will be trouble in my work life and friendships.

How can I tell them not to gossip at work about who was at my wedding or who I excluded? How can I tell them this is my day and I should be able to have the pleasure of being surrounded by friends and loved ones without worrying about attendees being mean? Please help. -- TIRED OF GOSSIP

DEAR TIRED: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Concentrate on enjoying your special day. You can't control what other people will or will not do. If you are asked after the wedding why someone was absent, respond that budgetary limitations prevented you from including everyone you would have liked to invite. If you do, it will appear to be less of a popularity contest.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is divorced. His ex's name is tattooed on his arm. Although I don't like it, I realize that it was long ago and before I came into the picture.

As we have grown closer over the last two years, I'm often tempted to ask him to have it removed or covered up. I think it's tacky, and I don't like it at all. I know I can't demand he remove it, but would a gentle request do? Or should I wait until I have more of a formal status in his life? -- LOOKING AWAY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOOKING AWAY: Tattoo removal isn't as easy as waving a magic wand and presto! -- it's gone. The process can take several sessions, can be quite painful, and it must be done by a professional. If this is so important to you that you would put him through that, then ask him nicely. When you do it is up to you. You could jokingly ask him to have a circle with a diagonal line through it added to his ex's name.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 25 years just got engaged. I suspect her fiance is gay or there's something seriously wrong with him. They have been dating for eight months and he hasn't once tried to have sex with her. He has used every excuse under the sun as to why (bad back, tired, etc.).

He recently proposed to her in a public place in front of his family. I don't think he knows the real her, and I don't think she understands the serious implications of her decision to marry him when sexual intimacy was so important to her before. She once told me she would not marry a man without first having sex with him, and that a sexless life is her biggest fear. I feel I should speak up as her best friend. Should I? -- SEEING RED FLAGS IN GEORGIA

DEAR SEEING: Yes. And when you do, urge her to get into premarital counseling with her fiance. During the sessions, matters like sex, finances and child-rearing should be discussed so there won't be any "surprises" later. Repeat your suggestion, if necessary, until she reaches the altar. Let's hope she listens to you because his fatigue and bad back won't magically disappear after they say "I do."

DEAR ABBY: A little backstory before my question. I am 39 and the mother of three beautiful daughters, ages 18, 12 and 8. I am getting a divorce. It's an amicable one (thank goodness), and my girls are doing pretty OK with the news.

During this last year, I graduated with my AA degree. I am very proud of the achievement, but have never had a celebration. Would it be in bad taste to have a housewarming, graduation and almost-40 birthday party (my birthday is on a major holiday, and my friends are usually busy doing other things that night) and ask for gifts for my new house and the girls' bedrooms? -- CELEBRATING IN IDAHO

DEAR CELEBRATING: A party would be wonderful because you have much to celebrate. Send invitations describing it as a "housewarming, graduation celebration and 40th birthday party," but do NOT mention gifts on the invitation. If someone asks about it, feel free to tell the person. But to ask for gifts on an invitation is a no-no.