DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old widower. A year ago I faced a bleak future and expressed a desire to kill myself. My cousin in another state, whom I hadn't seen since childhood, invited me to move in with him and his mother -- my late mother's sister.

I now have plans for the future, which include returning to the state I left. The thing is, my cousin resolves disputes with his fists. I know that when I move, my aunt will want to come with me. My aunt is sweet, but she's not my intellectual equal.

Frankly, I prefer to be alone in my home when I move. I'll want cats; she's allergic. She smokes; I don't. The job I want will have me on the road for days at a time. While it would be nice to have someone in the house while I'm away, I'd rather have it be empty than have her there.

I'm sorry her only child is abusive, but am I really the solution? (Both mother and son are twice divorced. They have only each other.) Moving is about a year away, but this dilemma bothers me. I don't want to abandon her, but I don't want to be her savior, either. When it's time to relocate, what can I tell her? -- MULLING IT OVER IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MULLING: Start talking privately with your aunt and impress upon her that no one -- including her son -- has the right to physically or emotionally abuse her. Encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (the toll-free number is 800-799-7233) and talk to someone there.

I'm sorry you didn't mention who is supporting whom, but she should not remain in a home where her safety may be threatened. And if her son raises a hand to her in your presence, you shouldn't hesitate to call 911. If he does it when you're not around, impress upon her that she must call.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an email from my ex-husband, who lives in the same state as my daughter. (I am remarried.) In it he asked me to agree to a budget he has given my daughter for her upcoming wedding. There was no discussion with me regarding the amount.

Abby, he gave her a budget of $100,000 and expects me to pay half! When I emailed him back and asked how he arrived at such a crazy number, he responded that his brother had spent that amount on his two daughters. Wow!!!

I said absolutely not, the number was flat-out ridiculous, and he should never have promised that figure to begin with, let alone without consulting me. Your thoughts? -- NOW THE BAD ONE

DEAR "BAD ONE": I think the same way you do. He should never have promised any amount of money without first discussing it with you. I also think it is time to bring your daughter and her fiance into the conversation. Many modern couples split the cost of their wedding between themselves, so don't feel defensive when you do it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who is in her mid-30s. She's a wonderful, divorced, hardworking Christian mother of four who has finally ventured back to the dating scene. She's currently seeing a guy who in all respects is perfect for her, she says. Unfortunately, when it comes to romance, for some reason she can't seem to get aroused, and it's now at a point where she avoids his kiss if possible.

She really likes him and would love for this to work and feels conflicted because she doesn't know how to "light her fire" and find him intimately attractive. She's afraid she'll eventually push him away even though she wants the exact opposite. Any advice I can pass along? -- NEEDING A FRIEND IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR NEEDING: Your friend needs to understand why she's having a problem "getting her fire lit." Could it be related to her divorce? Her feelings about premarital intimacy? Has she seen her doctor to rule out a physical cause? Or could it be that although he looks good on paper, there's simply no chemistry?

Because intimacy is an important part of marriage, she needs to be honest with herself about why she's reacting the way she is. If this isn't the only man this has happened with, and she can't find the answers within herself, some sessions with a licensed mental health professional may be in order.

DEAR ABBY: My husband invited his good friend (an artist) to stay with us for two nights because he is coming to our city to give a speech. He accepted.

We tried to contact him two weeks ago, one week ago, three days ago, yesterday and this morning to find out what time he'll arrive so we can plan our schedule and prepare the food. He still hasn't gotten back to us. I had planned to go to church and a concert afterward. My husband doesn't want me to leave.

I am very frustrated about the man's lack of consideration. My husband considers him a good friend, but after the way we are being treated, I'm not convinced. -- STILL WAITING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STILL WAITING: I don't blame you for being miffed. Good friends don't treat each other so rudely. They answer their messages and show up when they're expected. Unless the man was in the hospital, solitary confinement or dead, there's no excuse for his poor manners. Because your husband considers him a good friend, he should have stayed home to welcome "the artist" and let you off the hook.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law are "horrified" that we refer to our 3-year-old grandson's penis using the correct terminology. Should we relent and refer to that part of his body as something else? -- UNSURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNSURE: Not in my opinion. Children should be taught the correct terms for their body parts as soon as they are aware enough to identify -- and pronounce -- them. To do this will prevent confusion and possibly embarrassment later.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my 50s and will be going to my high school reunion in a few months. I recently reconnected with one of my high school teachers, whom I greatly admired. (OK, I'll admit I had a schoolgirl crush on him.)

He is 10 years older, and we had a friendly relationship "back in the day" with extracurricular school activities (he was a sponsor) and even some outside socializing (dances and such), though there were no lines crossed as far as impropriety. We were both engaged to other people (who both happened to live a good distance away) at the time, so there was no thought of a romantic relationship.

Fast-forward 40-odd years. We are both single (I'm divorced; he never married). We have been emailing back and forth for a couple of months and making plans to get together at the reunion -- maybe before. We have discussed a lot of things, but he never mentions dating or his former fiancee, so I sometimes wonder if he might be gay.

I have two questions: (1) Would it still be crossing a line if we started a romantic relationship because I was once his student? (He's long retired.) (2) How do you ask a man or find out if he's gay before you embarrass yourself by trying to start a romance? -- TORN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TORN: It would not be crossing a line if you and your former teacher were to start a romantic relationship at this point in your lives. However, before you embark on that campaign, it is important that you understand why he has been single all these years. A way to do that without embarrassing yourself would be to pay him a compliment by saying, "Why is it that such a great guy like you has never married?" Then listen.

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever heard the saying, "A daughter is a daughter all of her life, but a son is a son 'til he takes a wife"? Our son and his family have never spent a single Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with us during the entire 17 years they have been married. A Thanksgiving with them is very rare.

They live an hour away. We and his in-laws live in the same small town, but they spend every holiday at the in-laws'. Their children have no memories of us on the holidays. When I talked about it with our friends, they said they have the same problem. All of their sons go to their daughter-in-laws' parents', too.

With the holidays coming up, I hope you may have something to say about this. When we spoke to our son about it, it just caused bad feelings. -- SAME PROBLEM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR PROBLEM: My heart goes out to you and other parents who experience this. However, there is nothing I can do to change the behavior of adult children, as regrettable as it may be. The best advice I can offer is for you -- and your friends -- to spend the holidays doing things that you enjoy. Take a trip, gather with these friends and celebrate. It would be a lot healthier than sitting around brooding about something none of you can control.

P.S. It's regrettable that although you live in the same community as the in-laws, you have not been asked to join them for a holiday meal at their table. After all, marriage is supposed to unite families, not divide them.