DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years. The last time my husband and I have been out of the house together was last summer. No movies, dinners, festivals, etc. I finally gave up suggesting things to do.

My husband says I'm the one who feels the need to go out once a week or take an annual vacation. It hurts knowing he goes out to eat with his buddies on his lunch breaks at work. I have said as much, but we still don't go anywhere on the weekends, and he still goes out to eat with his friends. What do you make of this? -- PRISONER IN OHIO

DEAR PRISONER: It appears you married a man who is selfish and self-centered. He has a social life -- his daily lunches with his buddies. Was he always like this?

You should enjoy dinners out and movies, too, but you may have to do those things with friends instead of your homebody spouse. If you have a job and income of your own, do not sit at home feeling deprived. If you don't have a job, it's time to find one. When you do, it will help you feel better about yourself and less isolated.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a woman for two years. She has been battling drug addiction during the entire time we have been together. I have made a few serious mistakes, and she blames me for her situation now.

She moved in with me, and I make all the money between us. She refuses to get a job and spends most of my money getting high. I thought she wanted treatment, but she resists getting help. We love each other, but I don't know whether I should move on and leave her behind. What do you suggest? -- UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: Unless the serious mistakes you made involved hooking your girlfriend on drugs, you are not responsible for her addiction. Because you provide the money that feeds her habit, you have become her enabler. The longer you continue, the longer she will keep using.

What you need to do is find the nearest chapter of Nar-Anon and attend some of the meetings. It's a 12-step program created for friends and families of people who suffer from addictions. You can find the nearest meeting at nar-anon.org. Please don't put it off. You will find emotional support there, and if necessary, enough insight to understand whether you can continue with things as they are, or let her go.

DEAR ABBY: What's the best way to gain the attention of a stranger who is blind? With a sighted person I would make sure I caught his/her eye before speaking. I tried a straightforward "Excuse me, sir," but we were in a public place, and he didn't realize I was talking directly to him. I ended up tapping him on the shoulder, but in general I think it's rude to touch strangers, and he jumped a foot. Is there a better solution? -- POLITE IN THE EAST

DEAR POLITE: Yes, there is. One should never touch or grab a sightless person. According to the National Federation of the Blind, what you should have done was to have repeated "Excuse me, sir," and identified yourself from a short distance away -- preferably directly in front of him -- to avoid startling him.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the column about the warning signs of an abuser in your archives, I was scared to realize that my older brother is one. He has most of the qualities you pointed out except for the sex stuff.

He just turned 14, and he has just started dating. That got me thinking. If one day he moves in with someone or gets married, how am I going to warn the girl to watch out? I'm being hit, and I have things thrown at me all the time, and I don't want anyone else to experience that. My parents have tried to get him professional help, but it hasn't worked. Please help. -- BRUISED SISTER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SISTER: I'm glad you wrote. You should not have to tolerate being your brother's punching bag, and your parents should not allow you to be abused. Because your parents are unable to control him and get him the help he clearly needs to control his emotions, tell a counselor at school about the violence you are experiencing. Because he has left bruises, have a friend photograph them. The counselor can inform the proper authorities so he gets the help he apparently needs.

DEAR ABBY: There is a woman in our group who complains constantly about her weight and keeps asking for our reassurance that she's not overweight. She's actually an appropriate size for her height and maybe even a little too thin, but she thinks she is fat.

The rest of us are somewhat overweight and struggle trying to lose, so you can imagine how we feel when she goes on about this. She doesn't hang around with women her size, and she's competitive and insecure in many ways. We all care for her a lot because, other than this, she's a caring and supportive friend. She reads your column, so I'm hoping she'll read this and realize how much it bothers us. -- CHUBBY FRIEND IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CHUBBY: Dream on! Very few people see a letter in my column and realize it is aimed at them. Because your friend's constant need for reassurance makes the rest of you uncomfortable, the person closest to her needs to tell her the subject of weight is now off-limits and why.

The woman may suffer from body dysmorphia, a condition in which the sufferer doesn't perceive her body as it actually is. People with body dysmorphia will see a fat person reflected in the mirror even if they are anorexic. It should also be suggested that the person with whom to discuss her concerns about being too heavy is her doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I faked a secret admirer. It's getting me a lot of attention, but I did it because I wanted to make my crush jealous. He thinks I'm faking, and I'm pretty sure he also thinks I'm needy and selfish. Now I don't know what to do. Can you help? -- SECRETLY LYING IN TEXAS

DEAR SECRETLY LYING: I'll try. When a technique doesn't work, it's time to change course. Quit talking about a secret admirer. If you are asked about him, just say, "It's over" -- which is less embarrassing than, "The jig is up." Why your crush would call you selfish, I can't guess. But if he asks you what happened, my advice is to say, "I like you better." That's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old male who has never had a girlfriend or a meaningful relationship. I'm well-educated, nice-looking and have a good sense of humor. But I get shy and nervous around the opposite sex. Compounding that, I seem to have a serious "resting face." People assume I'm frustrated or angry/grumpy when it's just my normal expression. I'm worried it makes me unapproachable or appear to be unpleasant.

I have overcome addiction, attend daily support meetings and have almost a year of sobriety. I avoid bar/club scenes where a lot of people my age socialize. I'm beginning to feel very alone and empty. I asked out a temp at my job, but she had a boyfriend and offered to set me up with a friend of hers. I declined because I was embarrassed.

My friends tell me it's a game of numbers, but it hurts being rejected all the time. I see beautiful, nice women with men who treat them badly, and I obsess over what's wrong with me. My experience with women is limited. I'm not looking for a commitment, just some friends to share good times and laughter with. I'd love to have someone to spend time with before loneliness awakens previous bad habits. -- ABOUT TO GIVE UP IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABOUT TO GIVE UP: I doubt your "resting face" is what keeps women away. It's more likely the fact that you are afraid to interact with them.

Start by talking to some of the women in your support meetings. They already know something about you and the strides you have made in overcoming your addiction. And involve yourself in activities you enjoy that are more social. It may help you to develop your "people skills" so you will feel less anxious in other social situations. But do not allow yourself to use the fact that you are lonely to destroy your sobriety because it would be a poor excuse.

DEAR ABBY: I hate eating with my spouse because his table manners are awful. He sits with both elbows on the table, leans close to the dinner plate and uses his fingers to push his food onto his fork. He mashes everything on his plate together before he starts eating, smashes crackers in his soup, scrapes his spoon on the bottom of the bowl and slurps his liquids. He also licks his fingers.

He thinks he can modify these behaviors when he's with others, but he lapses into them even when he's with friends in a restaurant. Please help me. How can I get him to change? Must I tolerate it? I have tried constructive suggestions and gentle prodding with no success. Please respond in your column because he reads it daily -- while he eats. -- DISTRAUGHT SPOUSE IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR DISTRAUGHT SPOUSE: Your husband must have many wonderful qualities if you married him knowing this is the way he consumes his food. Among them is an awareness that he should modify his eating habits when he's with friends. Let him know that you are his best friend and you would like him to practice his "party manners" when he eats with you. If he's reluctant, point out that he "lapses" when he's socializing with others, and it isn't pretty. It may motivate him to try harder.