DEAR ABBY: How do you break up with a friend? "Jenny" and I have known each other since high school, more than 30 years. Over the years we've both moved far apart and see each other every couple of years. We were each other's bridesmaids, supported each other as our parents passed away and celebrated graduations and wedding anniversaries.

I no longer enjoy her company the way I did, and I sense that she doesn't enjoy mine either. During our last visit we had a significant disagreement, after which she didn't apologize. Since then she has emailed and texted me frequently, saying how much she enjoyed the trip and values our friendship. I don't know if she is trying to make amends.

Relatives who know of our long relationship say I shouldn't let the friendship go. But I see no reason to stay in the friendship having been treated poorly. How do I convey to Jenny that our friendship has run its course? Do I drop her cold turkey and not send any more of the usual greeting cards? Or should I send cards but no gift? Do I not answer the phone when she calls, or answer but not engage enthusiastically in the conversation? -- WANTS OUT OF THE FRIENDSHIP

DEAR WANTS OUT: Feeling as you do, you have two choices. Distance yourself little by little, stop sending gifts and be "too busy" to talk when she calls. Or, simply level with Jenny and tell her that the disagreement you had during your last visit was hurtful, and in spite of the fact that you have known each other for three decades, you feel your friendship has run its course. Then, if she apologizes, forgive her and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of two housekeepers at a very nice (not cheap) bed and breakfast. In every room, suite and cottage, the owner puts an envelope that's pre-addressed to "Housekeeping. Thank you." B&B guests put money in these envelopes assuming we will receive it. However, the owner goes into the rooms before we do, takes the money and keeps it. He calls it his "play" money.

I feel it's dishonest. Is it even legal? I'm afraid if I confront the owner, I'll lose my job. If the guests knew who really was getting the tips they leave, they might not be so generous. Should I just keep quiet? -- WHO'S REALLY CLEANING UP IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WHO'S: What your employer is doing may not be illegal, but it is definitely unethical. If you confront him, you have nothing to gain and something to lose. Check with your state labor department wage and hour division for possible recourses.

It's time you and the other housekeeper start looking for a job at another establishment -- or even open a cleaning business of your own. Good housekeepers are hard to find, so getting work shouldn't be too difficult. I wish you both the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My secretary has worked for me for six years, and I have fallen in love with her. Neither of us is married. There's a couple of problems, however.

The first is, she's half my age. The second, she's a great secretary, and I would never want to do anything to upset her. I have never said anything about how I feel, but I am fairly certain she knows.

I have never done anything as far as making advances toward her or making any type of inappropriate comments. However, I do know I am in love, and I'm finding it harder to concentrate and wonder what to do, which is why I am writing to you. Should I just leave it alone? -- DAZED AND CONFUSED

DEAR DAZED: Harassment policies in the business world have become more stringent. Conversations that could make a subordinate uncomfortable could put your own employment at risk if you are rebuffed. Because I don't know the policies in the company you work for, I'm recommending you err on the side of caution and leave it alone.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are getting married this summer. We are both atheists here in the Bible Belt and come from religious families who will be invited to our small backyard wedding. Our families don't know that we are atheist. We won't be having any prayers or religious readings in our ceremony.

We are concerned about the reception. There is sure to be someone who expects a prayer over the meal and, if there isn't one, will speak up and do it.

I would like to address this issue ahead of time so our wishes are respected. I thought of perhaps including a little note in the invitations asking that any prayers be offered silently. Would that be rude? Do you have another suggestion to help us figure out the best way to handle this before our big day? -- RELIGIONLESS GATHERING

DEAR RELIGIONLESS: Would it be rude? Yes. Technically, the only enclosure with your invitation should be the RSVP card. Feeling as strongly as your relatives do about religion, your families could feel confused or offended. Because you know someone is likely to want to bless the food, be polite, grin and bear it, and while it's being offered, focus your thoughts on your honeymoon.

DEAR ABBY: I am considering putting aside some money for my granddaughter's college education while I am able to do so. Do I need to see a lawyer for this? I just want a simple solution and need to know the best way to do it. She is 12 and wants to go to college someday. Is setting up a private bank account just for her a good idea? I really need some help in doing it the right way. -- SUPPORTIVE GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDMA: This is a question you should direct to your financial adviser or the manager of your bank. Setting up an education savings account is an excellent idea, and you are a generous and loving grandparent to want to do it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has two boys who treat her like crap. They swear, call her a b----, whore, liar and the f-word. They break things in her house and have no respect for anyone.

The problem started after she broke up with their biological father and married her new boyfriend. The father brainwashes the boys to do these things to make life a living hell with her new husband.

What I cannot understand is why my daughter goes out of her way to please these two ungrateful kids and still cannot see how they are destroying her present household. This is killing me. What can she do to solve the problem? -- ANGRY IN THE WEST

DEAR ANGRY: The first thing your daughter will have to do to solve her problem is acknowledge that there is one, and she may be part of it. Then, she will have to quit trying to ingratiate herself with the boys and act more like a parent than a doormat, which means she will have to institute consequences when her sons misbehave and treat her disrespectfully. Unless she is prepared to do that, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a physician with a heavy call schedule. For years I have struggled with how to RSVP to invitations to cocktail parties and/or dinner. Many times I can go and would like to attend, but I can't be sure my husband will be able to be there. Many times I decline for us both because I worry that it might be awkward for the host/hostess if I accept for myself, but say I'm "not sure" for my husband. How would you handle this? -- REALLY WANTS TO GO IN KANSAS

DEAR REALLY: If I wanted to attend the gathering, I would call my hosts and explain that I would love to come but couldn't guarantee my husband would be able to because of his practice. Then I would add that he might drop by later (if that's feasible). Gracious hosts will welcome you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime reader and I'm curious. Do you ever receive letters from "the other party"? Has anyone ever read your column, realized the letter is about them and written to tell you their side? Would you ever print it if they did? There are always two sides to every story. -- WONDERING IN HOUSTON

DEAR WONDERING: The answer is yes. It happens rarely, but it does happen. Last year I published a letter from a woman who was upset because her ex-husband had promised their daughter a large sum of money for the daughter's wedding. He had told the daughter her mother would pay half the amount. She felt she should have been consulted first. (I agreed.)

I then heard from the ex-husband, who wanted me to know he had "apologized to her profusely" for not discussing the wedding budget beforehand and that he had offered to lower the budget, but the mother "only wanted to be responsible for paying for the bridal gown." He closed by saying, "I'm not looking to get this published, just thought you'd like to know the other side of the story and allow myself to blow off a little steam." I hope this satisfies your curiosity.