DEAR ABBY: I married when I was in my early 20s and stayed married for four years. It has been five years since my divorce. We had no children, and I haven't had contact with my ex. The problem is, my family won't stop bringing him up. My sister is being married soon, so they constantly discuss my wedding.

I didn't live near my family before the divorce, so they don't know how bad my marriage really was. I didn't tell them because I don't think it's their business. They didn't like him, but they don't know all of my reasons for getting divorced. I have moved on with my life.

I recently moved back to be near my family, which I regret now because they can't let go of my past. I have changed a lot in the time that I lived away from them. I worked my way through college and dealt with a genetic, life-threatening health issue (hospital stays included), all without their support. Since then, I have focused on my career, my health, self-care and my happiness. I'm proud of myself and have made only positive changes since my divorce.

I have told my family I don't appreciate their constantly bringing up my failed marriage and my sister's wedding all the time, but they continue to do so. They say they don't understand why it bothers me. Am I overreacting? How do I establish boundaries with them about this? As of now, I'm spending less time with them in order to stay focused on my life goals. -- KEEPING THE PAST IN THE PAST

DEAR KEEPING: You shouldn't blame your relatives for something they don't know -- specifically, the fact that your marriage was much worse than they realize. This is wedding season, your sister's nuptials are fast approaching, and it's only natural that the subject of weddings -- present, future and past -- comes up. Remind them that your marriage is a sensitive subject. If they don't stop bringing it up after that, then continue to distance yourself.

DEAR ABBY: After many years of much silence, backstabbing and abuse from my sister, I got a text from her telling me she's starting chemo for a form of leukemia. This has been going on for more than four years, but she thought now I should be "in the loop."

I told her I will be praying for her. I had to hold back the emotional, "What can I do for you?" She lives about five hours away, but knowing my siblings, I know they'll be hanging around and judging me on what I do next. I told her I am in shock right now.

I have very mixed emotions about how to handle this news -- from trust issues to guilt to pain. We are both in our mid-60s. Any advice would be helpful. -- LOST SIS

DEAR LOST SIS: Start by doing what you said you would -- praying for her. A few days -- or weeks -- after her treatment has started, call to see how she is doing. If the call goes well, continue to check in on her. If she wants you to come, put aside your differences and pay her a visit. If the call doesn't go well, don't put yourself in that position again, and do not apologize or feel guilty for doing it. Forgive her and forgive yourself.

DEAR ABBY: The music director at our church -- I'll call her Mildred -- is an alcoholic. I realized it after I offered my home to her when she said she needed to escape from her alcoholic partner. Mildred is a nighttime drinker and imbibes until probably 2 a.m. She says she can't get to sleep until the "middle of the night."

I was married to an alcoholic for many years, yet I had no idea Mildred had a problem until she lived with me for those few weeks. She left my home giving me the various reasons why I wasn't nice enough to her and has returned to her alcoholic partner.

Should I say anything to the administrator of the church? At this point, it's my word against Mildred's, and her problem will be discovered sooner or later. Your advice? -- GETTING INVOLVED IN THE EAST

DEAR GETTING INVOLVED: If Mildred's drinking negatively affects her work, tell the administrator. If not, keep the bad tidings to yourself. However, in the future, if appropriate, be ready to share with Mildred information about support resources available to her such as AA, SMART Recovery, LifeRing and Women For Sobriety.

DEAR ABBY: My partner recently lost one of his lateral incisors. He got a prosthetic tooth to wear until he gets an implant, which looks fine if he wears it. The problem is, it isn't comfortable. He can't eat with it, and he often prefers to leave it out. He also does this at home.

We live in a major metropolitan city. Having missing teeth is just not acceptable. Aside from it being bad for his dental health, he looks like a jack-o'-lantern when he smiles, which is extremely unattractive. I feel it's socially and professionally detrimental. Every time I broach the subject of moving forward with the implant, he responds with fierce opposition, which inevitably ends in an argument. Any advice? -- THAT'S THE "TOOTH" IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR TOOTH: It would be helpful to understand why your partner fiercely opposes moving forward with the implant. Is he afraid it will be painful? Is the problem that he doesn't have the money? If it's the former, he should talk to his dentist so his fears can be allayed. If it's the latter, perhaps he can talk to the dentist about payment options, or you can help him pay for the implant.

DEAR ABBY: What does it mean when your husband answers everything with "no"? For example, if I ask, "Are you watching 'This Old House'?" he says, "No, I'm watching 'This Old House.'" If I ask, "Do you want to eat dinner at 6?" he replies, "No, how about we eat around 6?" It's driving me nuts, and he doesn't even realize he does it. This happens almost every time I ask a question. Do you have any insight into this phenomenon? -- TALKED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR TALKED OUT: Your husband may be joking with you or not paying close attention when you ask him a question. I assume that you have told him how much this bothers you. (If you haven't, you should.) However, if it continues, stop asking and TELL him what time dinner will be ready, and reframe the way you ask your questions. (Instead of asking if he's watching "This Old House" say, "What are you watching, Honey?")

DEAR ABBY: I could use your advice on training my husband. He refuses to enter his work travel schedule on the household calendar. He snapped at me this week when he finally revealed that he was leaving Sunday. It took three more days to get the date he was coming back. It was like pulling teeth. It left me with only two days to decide how to enjoy the time alone. I suspect that he's withholding his travel data to keep me from enjoying myself too much while he's gone.

I think it's disrespectful to keep your wife in the dark until just a day or two before you leave. I need a way to motivate my man to share his travel dates earlier. I'm at the point where I'm tempted to ignore him and his travel since he is acting more like a child than a husband. I'm not his mommy, and I need to break his mean streak. Advice? -- KEPT IN THE DARK IN LOUISIANA

DEAR KEPT: Stop putting yourself at your husband's mercy. You are both adults. If you need a break and would like to schedule appointments, see a play, visit with friends, go on a trip, whatever -- schedule it regardless of when your husband will be traveling. And enjoy yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked for the same doctor for 29 years. My 30-year anniversary is approaching. People think I should be ready to retire when he does. The problem is, I live paycheck to paycheck, and there is no retirement plan. What little money I had saved went out the window when I got a divorce a few years ago.

I know I need to quit and go somewhere that offers REAL benefits, but I feel like leaving will create a huge rift. I adore the patients, and I know they will ask him what happened. I don't want to seem ungrateful.

I know it's my fault for not demanding more earlier. I get depressed when patients tell me about their retirement plans, or I hear about his. I will be working until I die. I'm afraid he will take the staff out for a nice lunch to celebrate my 30 years, and I will be so sad or bitter that I won't be able to hide it. -- LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK

DEAR LIVING: Talk to your boss about your dilemma NOW. In light of the fact that you have worked for him for so long, perhaps he will consider instituting a retirement plan now. If he is unwilling, then it's time to look for other employment with better compensation and hope you can find a match even if it means missing the luncheon.

DEAR ABBY: Please enlighten me on etiquette. My friend and I were out to lunch. While we were sitting there, she got on Facebook and posted about it. I think it was rude of her not to ask if I minded. It's not a secret, but why put it on Facebook? I don't understand why people think they have to advertise everything they do. Do they do it because they want to feel important? -- OLD-FASHIONED WOMAN

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: I am sure some of them do. Others may do it because they want to memorialize the occasion or think others are actually interested. If you preferred that she not do it, you should have spoken up, told her you are a private person and asked her to please not mention your name or post your image in the future.

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