DEAR ABBY: My son and his fiancee, "Breanna," have planned a destination wedding in another country. Breanna's mother's family vacations there every couple of years, so they decided to have the wedding there when her extended family will be vacationing.

The reason Breanna gave me was that she is embarrassed by some of my family members and doesn't want to introduce them to her family, so a destination wedding eliminates those people from attending. When I told Breanna's stepfather what she said, Breanna denied ever making the statement!

I told my son how hurt I am that she doesn't want our side of the family to attend (including his father, brother and myself), since the cost for travel and accommodations will be approximately $3,500 per person. He said he doesn't want to ruin her special day and changed the subject.

I would love to see my son get married (even though I have a bitter taste in my mouth), but we can't afford to attend unless we take out a second mortgage or dip into our 401(k). Are we bad parents for not attending our own son's wedding? -- STRUGGLING MOTHER OF THE GROOM

DEAR MOTHER: That your son's fiancee verbalized what she did is shocking. It shows how little respect she has for your feelings and her lack of manners or class. A marriage is supposed to be a blending of TWO families, something this young woman -- and her family -- appears unwilling or unable to recognize. That your son would accept this because their wedding is "her" day is disappointing. Under the circumstances, you and your family should not go into debt to attend this wedding.

DEAR ABBY: I am a father of four. My sons are 62 and 52. The older one calls me about every two months; the younger one hasn't called me in nearly two years. One of my daughters last spoke to me three years ago. My remaining child, a daughter, stays in regular contact with me about once a week. They all live far away out west. I have tried to contact each of my children lovingly, but have not been successful for the most part.

I now have end-stage cardiac disease and will soon be joining hospice. When I do that, I'll be faced with the decision of how much to tell my kids about my condition. In view of our distant relationships, I'm not inclined to tell them very much, since they have been so unresponsive in the past. I would welcome your suggestions. -- PONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PONDERING: I am sorry about your diagnosis. I don't know whether something caused the distance between you and your three older children, or whether they are completely focused on themselves and their own lives. I do think you should disclose to all of them what is going on so amends can be made if possible. And, of course, the daughter who is close to you should know so she can be as supportive as she has always been and begin preparing herself emotionally for what is coming. She may also be helpful in spreading the word among her siblings.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old girl who's been with my boyfriend for two years. We are a wonderful match and love each other very much. There's just one flaw in our relationship that I hold lots of guilt over. From the beginning, we have both known he would like to have kids, and I have always known that I do not. I don't want biological children, and I have no desire to adopt. I'm not maternal.

My boyfriend and I had a deep conversation about it a while back when we realized there could actually be a future between us. He said he is willing to put aside his desire for kids so he can have a future with me. I feel guilty that I'm not the ideal woman for him. Should I break it off so he can find someone who wants children, or should I trust in his statement that his life really will be fulfilled with only me and no children? -- GUILTY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GUILTY: Not wanting children is nothing to feel guilty about. Many women feel as you do about the lifetime responsibilities of becoming a mother. I do think you would be wise to have several more "deep" conversations with your boyfriend to make sure he fully understands how serious you are on this subject and what marriage to you will mean. In addition, premarital counseling could be helpful to ensure you both are on the same page about other issues that might crop up.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had to put my 14-year-old dog to sleep. I adopted her when she was 2 and had her for 12 years. She had health issues, dementia, incontinence, and more importantly, she was no longer herself.

It was a very difficult decision, but the right one. I know this in my heart, but I am severely depressed. I can't stop reliving the image of her death. (I stayed with her during the procedure.) I am losing sleep and interest in everything. I have another pet at home (a cat), and I will soon have my dog's ashes back.

My kitty brings me a lot of joy, but my house seems so empty and quiet without my dog. I'm not ready to adopt another one, and not sure if I ever want to again. I have done volunteer work for a pet organization in the area, but I just cannot be around any other pets right now -- especially dogs. I have a hard time just walking down the pet aisle in the grocery store.

I know time is the best healer, but I can't seem to shake this. What would you suggest? -- GRIEVING FOR MY LOSS

DEAR GRIEVING: You loved your dog, and you have suffered an important loss. You would not be normal if you weren't grieving. Eventually the things that trigger you will become fewer, and when that happens, you will be ready to move forward. Have faith in that. If your sleeplessness and lack of interest in things that previously brought you happiness continue, however, you should discuss it with your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: My newly retired husband and I lead a nice life and are in good health. Our two girls are grown and established. Our battle is over my husband "taking back" some of the duties I have performed for years, like paying and mailing out our monthly bills, some of which I pay in person.

This task is easy for me and never a hardship. We have excellent credit. He now wants all the bills to come to him online, and he'll pay them online, leaving me out of the process. He knows I enjoyed doing it and considered it my purview.

I want to continue to handle bill paying as I always have, occasionally taking a statement to a department store or whatever. Paying for checks is not a problem for us. I use a debit card for regular shopping and a credit card in certain stores. I am not a spend-a-holic.

My husband paying bills online cuts me out of the process, and I don't like it. I prefer the method I have used for decades. Is this more of a control issue than anything else? Any ideas? -- STIFLED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STIFLED: Yes, it is a control issue. It is also an indication that your husband doesn't have enough to do. Because the bill paying is partly a social outlet for you, you should not allow the task to be taken over. Tell your husband he needs to find something else to do -- mow the lawn, paint the garage, volunteer his time -- but not the bill paying because it makes you uncomfortable.

A compromise might be for him to pay some of the bills online and you pay the rest. However, if something unexpected happens to your husband (illness, death, murder?), you absolutely must know how the online system works so you can assume the task seamlessly.

DEAR ABBY: I met my husband 22 years ago and decided to move in with him. I was 21. My mother has never approved of him. He is a blue-collar, hardworking, huge-hearted man. We fell hard for each other, and I didn't care that he wasn't rich. I know Mom was disappointed that I didn't marry a doctor or a lawyer. Instead, I married the man I fell in love with.

The last 22 years haven't been easy. She acts like she accepts him, but then she says horrible things about him. We both have helped my parents during some difficult times, but she still says things that hurt like, "I'm glad you two never had kids."

Well, lo and behold, I ended up getting pregnant at 40, and we have an amazing son together. I keep trying to start over with Mom, especially since my son was born, but she has continued her evil ways.

I'm finally done with her, and my husband and I have decided to move to another state where my husband's family lives so our son can grow up surrounded by loving people. I feel sad, but my mother is not willing to accept us. Am I doing the right thing by moving? (My father passed away, and we hung in through her verbal abuse just to make sure Dad was well taken care of.) -- ANXIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANXIOUS: I'm sorry for what you and your husband have been put through. You have clearly tried to make the relationship with your mother work. Because you are a mother now, focus on creating a happy life for your son, your husband and yourself. You are doing the right thing for the right reasons. Your mother is toxic. Bon voyage!