DEAR ABBY: My husband died in 2001. There is a man I have been seeing for 17 years I'll call Jack. He has a home in Georgia. I live in Pennsylvania, where I share a home with my grown son and my daughter, her husband and my 6-year-old grandson.

Jack has now retired and wants me to move down to Georgia with him. I have a mortgage on my home, which I pay. My kids cannot afford that payment, although they do contribute a little every month to live there. I can't just quit my job and go to Georgia and look for a job. I need to have one before I go down there.

Well, I finally landed a job there, but sadly, they don't offer benefits, which worries me. My other issue is, I am very close to my grandson. I'll be 12 hours away, so besides video-chatting, I won't get to see him or interact with him.

Anytime I have gone to Georgia for a week and returned home, my grandson was very emotional. I am scared that if I go to Georgia and the boy doesn't do well with the situation, I will be stuck down there. Visiting home will be almost impossible as I only get one week's vacation with this new job, and I can't just jump in the car on a weekend because I would be driving the whole weekend and not have any time to spend with my family.

I am torn between going and not going. I honestly don't know what to do. I am just so scared. What would you do? -- TORN BY LOVE

DEAR TORN: The ideal solution would be for Jack to move where you are so you can keep your job and benefits and pay the mortgage on your home. Your adult children are not financially independent, and your grandson is not emotionally resilient enough to adjust to your absence. I do not think you are in a position to go anywhere until these issues are resolved.

DEAR ABBY: When ordering food at different ethnic restaurants here in the U.S., should people always speak in English, even if they are learning the language of the country the food is from? For instance, if you go to a Mexican restaurant and hear waiters speaking Spanish, and you are learning Spanish but are by no means fluent, is it polite to try and order in Spanish, or is it considered rude?

My worry is that they will assume I think they don't know English and that I'm being condescending, especially if they respond with something I don't understand in the same language that I was just trying to speak. Should a person always ask, "Can I practice my French (or any language you're trying to practice)?" or should one save it for international travel, private language lessons or another time? What do you think is proper in this situation? -- LOST IN TRANSLATION

DEAR LOST: I printed something on this subject three years ago (Sept. 5, 2016). It is worth going back into my archive and reviewing.

To avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings, assume the server speaks English. If you wish to practice your second language, tell the person you are trying to sharpen your language skills, ask if the person would mind your doing that and ask to be corrected if you make a mistake.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a townhouse in a small development -- just four townhomes with a very relaxed HOA. Since it's just the four of us, we discuss things like needed repairs and come to an agreement.

Our problem is our newest neighbor. She smokes outside at all hours. It prevents the rest of us from enjoying our own outside spaces, nor can we open our windows for fresh air.

As far as I know, she smokes only outside and not inside. What can we say or do so we can enjoy our decks and patio spaces or leave our windows open without being smoked out? -- SMOKED OUT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SMOKED OUT: Because your homeowners association is so tiny that you have no manager to handle this, it is important you approach this sensitive problem with a positive attitude. This woman is the newest member of your four-unit "family," and this will be a long-term relationship -- for better or for worse. Remember it must be built on trust and mutual respect.

Come together in a neighborly way to discuss other matters that need to be dealt with and then raise this subject in a noncontentious way. The solution might be something as simple as her agreeing to walk farther from the building when she smokes. Determine what would be acceptable and work from there.

DEAR ABBY: Our grandniece was supposed to be married in April 2018, but a week before the wedding she caught her fiance cheating, and the wedding was called off. We live 1,000 miles away, so several weeks before the wedding, we went online to their gift registry and had a gift valued at more than $250 shipped directly to them. The mother of the bride confirmed when the gift was received.

After the wedding date passed, we thought we would receive reimbursement or be asked if we wanted the gift returned. It has been a little over a year now and not one word has been mentioned about returning any gifts. Other family members are in the same situation as we are.

Isn't it proper to return gifts if the wedding is called off? If it was an inexpensive, small gift we wouldn't feel so bad. Are we wrong to be hurt and a bit shocked? -- FEELING SNUBBED

DEAR SNUBBED: No, you are not wrong. I assume you never received a thank-you for your generosity either.

Wedding gifts are not to be considered consolation prizes. The rule of etiquette is, if there has been no wedding and the wedding gift has not been used, it should be returned to the sender.

DEAR ABBY: A family friend is getting sober from drugs. We used to talk all the time about everything. I keep inviting them over to do something or hang out. They accept at first and then back out. This has been going on for months, and I'm getting tired of it. I'm trying to figure out if I should keep trying or just stop. Is it the recovery process or me? -- SOMEBODY WHO CARES IN UTAH

DEAR SOMEBODY: Not knowing you or your friend, it's hard to say. The next time you invite the person over and they back out, put the ball in their court by saying, "When you are up for company, give me a call. I miss you."

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this with overwhelming sadness. My 75-year-old husband is a tyrant. Our neighbors hate him, and so do our children. He is an overbearing, impetuous child.

I cry every day. I can't talk to him without him yelling. I am a subservient person. How do I go on with this? He is very healthy. I try so hard, and I have no life. He says mean things to me all the time. Please give me some advice. -- FLOUNDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLOUNDERING: Please start asking yourself why you think you deserve the verbal abuse you receive from your husband and why you tolerate his bullying. Were you raised this way? What message has it sent to your children? Then remind yourself that we have only one life to live. Is this how you intend to spend it until the day you die or he does?

Gather all the information you can regarding your husband's (and your) finances. Once you have that information, contact a lawyer who specializes in family law. I can't change your husband and neither can you. But you can change the way you react to his verbal abuse by refusing to tolerate it any longer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are retired and fortunate to travel often throughout the year. We prefer to stay in homes either through a home exchange or home rental by owner.

The change in scenery unfailingly increases her libido, and she often tries to initiate lovemaking at bedtime. I have told her I'm not comfortable having sex in another couple's bed. I feel it's disrespectful of their space and violates the trust the owners place in us by letting us use their house. She views it as the same as a hotel room since we pay to rent the house. Are there generally accepted practices regarding this? -- ABLE BUT NOT WILLING

DEAR ABLE: The generally accepted practice is to leave the property in the pristine condition in which you found it. This does not mean you and your wife must live a monklike existence while you are there, and I'm sure no one would expect you to.

DEAR ABBY: My friends are getting married, and I am excited for them. I was there for their engagement and helped set it up for him. I consider them both my best friends. They mean the world to me.

My issue is, they had an engagement party, invited all her girlfriends and asked them to be bridesmaids. I wasn't asked to be in the wedding or even invited to the party. I'm trying not to be hurt by it because I understand it is their day, but it makes me feel I'm not as important as I thought I was to them. What do I do? -- LEFT-OUT BEST FRIEND

DEAR LEFT OUT: This has to have been a painful wake-up call, and for that you have my sympathy. Best friends are not treated the way you were. What you do now is recognize that the time has come to reorganize your "friends" list, downgrade the two of them to the "acquaintances" category and broaden your social circle.