DEAR ABBY: I need some advice for my dear friend. She needs to have chemotherapy and her husband says he won't help her when she gets sicker from the meds. She is devastated and feels like he isn't even her husband anymore. He told her he will move out and put her into a nursing home and that they can break up. Any advice? -- DEVASTATED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am appalled. That someone could be so heartless and cruel is deplorable. Your friend's husband appears to be one of those who becomes so freaked out by his spouse's cancer diagnosis that he cuts and runs instead of standing by her when the going gets tough. (Yes, regrettably, there are some.)

Her top priority right now has to be getting through this challenge, regardless of what it involves. Are there supportive friends or family members who are willing to see her through the term of her treatment? If so, that's what I recommend.

When she recovers -- because with the advances that are being made in cancer treatment every day, it is entirely possible -- I hope she realizes how lucky she is to be rid of this poor excuse for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and live alone, which I enjoy. I'm a homebody -- I work and come home.

I dated a woman many years ago and we have reunited. I'm very much in love with her. She has family not far from here, and if I marry her, I know I'm going to be inundated with visits from them on a regular basis. Problem is, I love my privacy. I'm getting cold feet because of this. I have lived the way I do for a long time and I'm happy with it. -- COLD FEET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COLD FEET: Have you talked to this lady about your concerns? If you haven't, it's time, because it's entirely possible that she loves her family as much as you love your privacy and won't want to be isolated from them. In a situation like yours, if there is no compelling reason to tie the knot, perhaps you should agree to leave the arrangement the way it is.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a neighborhood with nosy neighbors who like to gossip. My wife and I are private people and keep our business to ourselves. There is one person, a man who recently moved here, whom I consider to be my only good friend.

The other day my friend showed me a text he had received from another one of my neighbors -- a doctor -- asking him if I had a certain medical condition. My friend responded by saying that the topic had not been discussed. I find the inquiry to be inappropriate. It's really none of his business. I also believe my neighbor the doctor showed a lack of character and poor judgment. I value your input. Are my feelings out of line? -- TICKED OFF IN TAMPA

DEAR TICKED OFF: Your feelings are not out of line. If the doctor is truly concerned about your well-being and not neighborhood gossip, he should have asked you that question directly.

DEAR ABBY: My father was killed recently in a shooting. I have received text messages and phone calls from my immediate family and close friends. My mother-in-law was thoughtful enough to send me a card, and I called to thank her the day I received it.

My husband has other close relatives. None of them called me, not even my sister-in-law. They have my number, so that's not the issue. Is this the norm in the United States? I ask because I come from a different background, and I find this disheartening. -- GRIEVING IN NEVADA

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragedy that took your father. When something so out of the ordinary happens, many people don't know what to say. While something as simple as, "I'm so sorry," or, "You are in my prayers, and my thoughts are with you," would suffice, they are so fearful they will say the wrong thing that they say nothing. Your husband's family may fall into this category. Please try to forgive them.

DEAR ABBY: I am single, retired and have no children. I do have some health issues. My sisters have begun to hound me about getting rid of things so they won't have to do it in the event that I die. My entire estate, which is close to $1 million, will go to them and their children.

It is exhausting for me to pack things and move boxes, and they are no help. I'd like to enjoy the time I have left and not have to listen to their complaints. What should I do? -- FED UP AND TIRED

DEAR FED UP: Tell your sisters you would like to die (when the time comes) surrounded by the mementos that have brought you pleasure throughout the years, and you do not plan to get rid of anything! Then suggest that when you are gone, they will have more than enough money to pay someone to cart away anything they don't wish to keep. With a "close to $1 million" windfall in their pockets, the expense should not be onerous.

DEAR ABBY: Would you think a husband is in love with his wife if he never talks to her, touches her or shows any interest in her? The worst kind of loneliness is the kind in marriage.

What should a wife do if she feels her husband no longer cares for her? We have been married five years, and I think about the seven-year itch. The first two years were difficult, and things haven't gotten better. Would counseling help? I'm ready to leave. -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFUSED: I am not sure who is itching, you or your husband. Because there is so much unhappiness in your marriage, talk to your husband about it. Ask him why he has withdrawn from you, and whether he would be interested in working things out with the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he is not willing, then realize it's time to leave because the atmosphere you have described is toxic for you, and it isn't a marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 years old, the only child of divorced parents in their late 60s. Neither of them has remarried.

Because of certain family events, I encouraged Dad to create a will four years ago. He never had one because he doesn't have much money or any property to bequeath, but my understanding is that putting things in writing helps immensely when the time comes.

The will Dad finally produced is a cookie cutter one from the internet and not even notarized. But I was most surprised when I saw he had named his sister as his executor. Is this normal for people with adult children? I feel my parents are my responsibility to care for as they age. Assigning this duty to my aunt, who will be at least in her 70s when Dad passes, feels like an undue financial and emotional burden on her. Am I allowed to talk to him about his choice of executor? -- DAD'S KEEPER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DAD'S KEEPER: Subjects like these are often sensitive and difficult to address. However, you are "allowed" to talk to your father about any question you wish. Explain that you always assumed it would be your responsibility to take care of his affairs if he was unable to, and ask him why he chose the person he did to be his executor. He may not have wanted to burden you with the responsibility or had other reasons for naming his sister as his executor. In the final analysis, the decision was his to make.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been together going on two years, and I feel like I want to marry her. I think I could spend the rest of my life with her. I have already asked her father.

Recently she told me she wants to move closer to her family. They live in the middle of nowhere, and the only city close to them has extremely poor job prospects for both of us. As of right now they're a four-hour drive away from us, which I think is a reasonable distance. We moved here only six months ago, and now she's clamoring to get back closer to home.

To complicate things, I prefer an urban living environment, and that seems not to be an option. My girlfriend says she would be open to moving in the future, but if I'm being honest, that seems unlikely. What can I say to her? -- WILLING TO COMPROMISE

DEAR WILLING: I agree that once you and your girlfriend/fiancee move closer to her family, the chances of her agreeing to move farther from them is unlikely. If you have a child, she will want him or her to know the grandparents, and possibly have help with baby-sitting, etc. Your reason for not wanting to move to the "middle of nowhere" because of the economic sacrifice involved makes sense.

You need to think very carefully about what marriage to her will mean before taking the next step. And above all, have some serious conversations with her about your feelings. A compromise might be to move nearer to her family, but still in an area where you can both find adequate employment.

DEAR ABBY: Is it considered rude to ask to take some ice water with you from a restaurant after you have paid for your meal? An old friend of mine insists it is very wrong. Thank you. -- THIRSTY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR THIRSTY: No rule of etiquette prevents a patron from asking to take a go-cup of water with them from a restaurant. Your friend is mistaken.