DEAR ABBY: I've been spending time with a certain gentleman for more than five years. I am in love with him. We dated at first, then became friends with benefits. He had another woman move in with him a few years ago, but we are still friends with benefits, and he has become my best friend. He listens when I need someone to talk to and knows how to give a good pep talk when I need one. We talk several hours a day and text throughout the day.

I know in my heart we are meant to be together. He tells me he loves me but says he can't ask the other woman to move out because she doesn't have anywhere to go until she makes the person living in her house move out. How do I talk to him about this? -- OTHER WOMAN

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: Friends do not string friends along for years, which is what this "gentleman" has been doing to you.

He invited the other woman to move in because she is providing something he finds of value. (Are you sure they haven't gotten married or enjoy similar benefits?) If he wanted her out, he would find a way to do it. During your next "hourslong" phone call, tell him that as much as you care for him, you can no longer continue to live in limbo. Give him a deadline to get rid of his houseguest and, if he doesn't meet it, cut off his "benefits."

DEAR ABBY: As a woman, I am infuriated by men of all ages who have to adjust their crotches all the time. Is there any way we can tell these men that what they're doing is vulgar and embarrassing, and it's rude to do this in public? I'm almost tempted to caress my breasts with both hands and push upward. But I guess that would be worse. Any ideas? -- INFURIATED IN TOPEKA

DEAR INFURIATED: Forget hoisting your breasts skyward. Rather than succumb to infuriation, dig deep and try to feel some sympathy. This has everything to do with our Creator's grand design. Because men's genitalia are external, they sometimes get pinched in their clothing, which is uncomfortable. It's only natural that they reflexively try to remedy the situation. Because it bothers you so much, try looking elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: After a long period of infertility, a dear friend of mine found out she is expecting. Unfortunately, a mutual friend at work stole her thunder and told me about the pregnancy before she had a chance to tell me herself. While I'm pleased to hear that she's pregnant, I'm also a bit upset that because I already know, I can no longer give her a genuine reaction consisting of love, shock and excitement when she tells me face-to-face. Of course I will still express how happy I am, but should I let her know I was already informed? -- ALREADY KNOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ALREADY KNOW: By all means tell your friend how happy you are for her and that you know how long she has wanted this. Express to her how exciting the news is, but do NOT tell her you already heard it from a co-worker.

DEAR ABBY: My father died three years ago. My parents were both close to his younger brother and his wife. For the past two years, I have suspected that my mother and my uncle have been having an affair. They live in different states and text back and forth. She has left her phone open when she has gone places with us, and the comments back and forth are very sexually oriented.

I became suspicious when my uncle came to visit and they took a trip together and ended up staying overnight somewhere. A couple of months later, my aunt and uncle came to visit, and Mom asked me NOT to say anything about the trip they had taken in front of his wife.

Then Mom started locking her phone, and if she wants to show you something, she holds onto her phone for dear life. She asked me to look on her phone for something recently while she was driving us someplace and she was so worried about her phone, I was afraid she was going to cause an accident because she was trying to watch what I was doing.

The last time my aunt and uncle were here, Mom tried everything she could to get my uncle alone. I tried as hard as I could to not let that happen. I feel my aunt needs to know what is going on. I'm not sure how to approach this or if I should leave it alone. It really bothers me they think this is OK. My father had an affair once, so Mom should know how this would hurt. What should I do? -- WITNESS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WITNESS: What you should do is take a giant step back. Do not involve yourself in this potential mess and do not be the bearer of bad tidings to your aunt. If you are going to talk to anyone, talk to your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband, "Clyde," for 14 years, and we have a 12-year-old son. Clyde is the nicest man I have ever met, nice to a point that drives me insane. He invites complete strangers over to our house and acts like it's normal.

Last week, he brought a homeless 20-something-year-old woman with him when he came home from work. Without my consent, he let her stay over for FOUR DAYS, until I forced her to leave. I couldn't stand having to cook for and house a woman whose name I didn't even know! After she left, Clyde got mad and said my actions were "rude" and "disrespectful." I think it is unsafe for strangers to be allowed in our home, especially with our son around.

Abby, I don't know what to do. If I can't find a way to stop my husband's recklessness, I may have to end our marriage. Please help. -- OVERWHELMED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: In most marriages, spouses have enough consideration for each other that they ask first before inviting someone -- particularly someone their spouse doesn't know -- into their home. Your "nice" husband seems to have forgotten this.

Your concerns are valid. Because you can't seem to get through to him that what he is doing is risky, insist on some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist. Perhaps that person can get through to him. He may think what he's doing is admirable, but there are other ways to help homeless individuals.

TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you who observe -- may your fast be an easy, but meaningful, one.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice for my dear friend. She needs to have chemotherapy and her husband says he won't help her when she gets sicker from the meds. She is devastated and feels like he isn't even her husband anymore. He told her he will move out and put her into a nursing home and that they can break up. Any advice? -- DEVASTATED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am appalled. That someone could be so heartless and cruel is deplorable. Your friend's husband appears to be one of those who becomes so freaked out by his spouse's cancer diagnosis that he cuts and runs instead of standing by her when the going gets tough. (Yes, regrettably, there are some.)

Her top priority right now has to be getting through this challenge, regardless of what it involves. Are there supportive friends or family members who are willing to see her through the term of her treatment? If so, that's what I recommend.

When she recovers -- because with the advances that are being made in cancer treatment every day, it is entirely possible -- I hope she realizes how lucky she is to be rid of this poor excuse for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and live alone, which I enjoy. I'm a homebody -- I work and come home.

I dated a woman many years ago and we have reunited. I'm very much in love with her. She has family not far from here, and if I marry her, I know I'm going to be inundated with visits from them on a regular basis. Problem is, I love my privacy. I'm getting cold feet because of this. I have lived the way I do for a long time and I'm happy with it. -- COLD FEET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COLD FEET: Have you talked to this lady about your concerns? If you haven't, it's time, because it's entirely possible that she loves her family as much as you love your privacy and won't want to be isolated from them. In a situation like yours, if there is no compelling reason to tie the knot, perhaps you should agree to leave the arrangement the way it is.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a neighborhood with nosy neighbors who like to gossip. My wife and I are private people and keep our business to ourselves. There is one person, a man who recently moved here, whom I consider to be my only good friend.

The other day my friend showed me a text he had received from another one of my neighbors -- a doctor -- asking him if I had a certain medical condition. My friend responded by saying that the topic had not been discussed. I find the inquiry to be inappropriate. It's really none of his business. I also believe my neighbor the doctor showed a lack of character and poor judgment. I value your input. Are my feelings out of line? -- TICKED OFF IN TAMPA

DEAR TICKED OFF: Your feelings are not out of line. If the doctor is truly concerned about your well-being and not neighborhood gossip, he should have asked you that question directly.