DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years and I recently moved in together. When we first met, he let me know he had lost his father to cancer a few years prior. While I know a little about his father, it is mostly superficial.

As our relationship has progressed -- moving in, talking about our future -- I long to know more about his dad. What kind of a father and husband was he? What special memories does my boyfriend have of spending time with him? However, when I ask questions, I get succinct answers with no elaboration. If I ask more than one question at a time, I feel like I'm pulling teeth, so I just drop it. When I asked if he's uncomfortable talking about it, he says it's fine, but I still know next to nothing.

The only time he brings up his dad is around the time of his dad's birthday, the anniversary of his death or the time when they found out about his prognosis. At those times he is clearly grieving. I don't want to cause my boyfriend more pain, and I worry that I'm being insensitive by asking him to talk about it. Yet, if we are going to start a life together and be a family one day, I want to know about his father. -- CURIOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR CURIOUS: Your boyfriend may not want to discuss his relationship with his father because the subject is painful, either because of his death or because they were not close. If you want more details, you might have better luck asking your boyfriend's mother or his siblings, if he has any. Because the subject clearly makes him uncomfortable, back off.

DEAR ABBY: I don't smoke, but my mother and fiancee are chain smokers. This is particularly annoying when the three of us eat together because they always light up during the meal. For example, they'll almost always have a cigarette after the salad, another before the dessert and then two or three cigarettes afterward. It ruins the meal for me.

I'm really disappointed in my fiancee, who seems to have forgotten her promise to quit smoking before our wedding day. Is there anything I can do about their smoking at the dinner table? And should I remind my fiancee about her promise to give up cigarettes and be a smoke-free bride? -- ANNOYED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANNOYED: Your mother and your fiancee are nicotine addicts. That they cannot get through a meal without lighting at least three cigarettes is alarming. No rule of etiquette dictates that you must tolerate secondhand smoke while you are trying to enjoy your dinner. If they need a fix, they should be considerate enough to excuse themselves from the table to indulge.

On a slightly different, but equally important, subject, your fiancee has not "forgotten" her promise to give up cigarettes before your wedding. She's ignoring it, and you haven't called her on it. Please do. If you marry her, you will be living in a tobacco haze for the rest of her life, which could have a negative effect on your -- and your children's -- health in the future. Don't say you weren't warned.

DEAR ABBY: Parents frequently write to you asking for advice about their children, seemingly asking permission to butt in where they should not.

When I was in my 20s, I dated a guy who had just returned from the Navy. I saw him -- and others -- while working and going to college. Sometimes I'd drive 40 miles to visit him and stay with my mother. At some point, he told me we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore. He doesn't remember the details of the conversation, and neither do I. I liked him very much and may have been in love.

I found out years later that my mother had called him to her house and told him to marry me or let me go. We were both young and not ready for marriage. I have no idea what possessed her to do that. Sometimes I wish I had talked with her about it, but it wouldn't have changed anything.

He and I have visited a few times during the past few years. We both married wonderful people, had kids, and have had good lives. Yet there has always been the question: What if Mom had not interfered?

Abby, please advise parents to mind their own business, especially where adult children are involved. -- FIFTY YEARS WONDERING

DEAR F.Y.W.: Whether that romance would have led to marriage had your mother stayed out of it, I can't guess and neither can you. Fortunately, you and the young man went on to have happy lives and successful marriages.

Some mothers can't resist the temptation to interfere in their adult children's lives. Today, when it is constant, it's called "helicopter parenting," and the unfortunate result can be disabling rather than helping because it prevents children from resolving their own issues.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-plus-year-old brother struggles with substance abuse. It has been going on for years. After countless trips to rehab, inpatient, outpatient and all the step programs, he still uses. Periodically he'll be sober for a short time, but it never lasts. For a long time, I have been torn between total disassociation or the sporadic run-in at family events.

Seven months ago, his baby boy was born with narcotics in his system. Birds of a feather flock together, I guess. Since then he hasn't been invited to my home or any event I have hosted. My mother and the rest of my siblings still invite him into their homes and act as if his lifestyle choices are OK.

Am I supposed to boycott family functions (holiday gatherings, summer BBQs, birthday parties for my kids, nieces and nephews) because they all continue allowing him to attend? I honestly don't know what is right here. Please help. -- HAD ENOUGH IN NEW YORK

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Your brother has an addiction he cannot seem to shake. It is a disease that, in spite of treatment, persists. If you prefer not to include him at events you host or invite him into your home, that is your right. But for you to forgo family events in an attempt to punish him is isolating only yourself, and I see nothing positive to be gained by it. Because your feelings about this situation are so strong, the ultimate decision is yours.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend, "Kimberly," for 52 years, ever since first grade. We went all through school together. Teachers described her as a "social butterfly." My dad described her as a "phony." She's an extrovert with a nice personality and many friends. I am more of an introvert, but I do have a few good friends. We are both happily married with children and grandchildren.

I moved from our hometown 28 years ago, but we have stayed in contact. Kim will call me on my birthday, etc. We talk on the phone every few months and meet for lunch when I go back to visit. She refers to me as her "oldest and dearest friend."

I invited Kim to all four of my children's weddings. She didn't attend, but sent gifts. (Kim has anxiety and doesn't like to travel.) When her older son got married two years ago, I wasn't invited, but I sent a generous gift. Now, her younger son is being married, and again, I'm not invited.

I'd like to share in Kim's joy. There are people attending I'd like to see. I feel like a fool. Do you think my dad was right about Kim? Am I on her "C" list when I thought I was "A"-rated? I feel like a 12-year-old who was excluded from a slumber party. Should I tell her how hurt I am or continue the next 20 years in this "phony" relationship? -- SUCKER-PUNCHED IN KANSAS

DEAR SUCKER-PUNCHED: Do not quietly nurture a grudge that may end your long friendship with Kim. Have a talk with your old friend about your feelings. Depending upon who has footed the bill for these shindigs, you may be blaming the wrong person.

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for their daughter's wedding; more recently, the happy couples pay for it themselves. For financial reasons, they may have needed to curtail the guest list, which is why you weren't invited. Also, the young couple may have preferred to include more of their own friends, which limited the number of invitations the groom's parents could issue.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior citizen who lives alone. I was married many years ago, but it ended in divorce. I was unable to conceive a child.

My brothers and sisters all have spouses and children. I am an aunt to many. My problem? The children don't call me "Aunt" anymore. When they were little, it gave me such warm feelings to be called Aunt or Auntie. It made me feel loved and respected. Now that they are grown with kids of their own, they call me by my first name.

Am I silly to be bothered by this? These same nieces and nephews still call their parents "Mom" and "Dad." I called my own aunts by the title well into my 50s until they died. Abby, am I old-fashioned to want to keep my title in a world where respect seems to be a thing of the past? -- FOREVER AUNTIE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR AUNTIE: I don't think you are silly, and whether you are old-fashioned (or not) is beside the point. Tell your nieces and nephews how much you appreciated being called "Aunt," and ask them to resume using the title. If you had a close relationship with them while they were growing up, I am sure they will respect your wish -- especially when you tell them why.