DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him, and we have an undeniable connection I have never had with anyone else. The problem is, he's separated but not yet divorced from his wife.

I have a hard time moving forward in the relationship and meeting his family when he hasn't filed for divorce. He says he's going to file, and he doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, but meeting his son and family members under these circumstances makes me uncomfortable. It's almost like this is a test run to see if I'll fit the part before he finalizes everything.

He and his wife have been separated for only a year, and I'm ready to start a family. Our timing seems off, but he treats me so well it's hard to let him go. Should I put our relationship on hold until he finalizes his divorce, or will he resent me because I'm not being supportive? What if his separation is only temporary, and he's just having fun? Could I be a side chick? -- HAVING DOUBTS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAVING DOUBTS: You are asking intelligent questions. You have been supportive for quite some time now. Have the two of you actually discussed getting married and starting a family? If you haven't, you should, so you have some idea of whether his separation is temporary and what a realistic time frame would be. Once you know what that is, it couldn't hurt to meet his son and his family, if only to see how they react to you.

As to whether you could be this man's side chick, it depends upon how long you plan to remain in a holding pattern, waiting for him to do something concrete. Some women wait for years only to have things not work out as they had hoped.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Dana" spent decades taking care of our disabled sister, which meant Dana and her family sacrificing greatly to provide for her care. The rest of us siblings live out of town and shared none of the responsibility.

Our disabled sister passed away recently, leaving an estate that is now in probate. I suggested to my other siblings that before the estate is divided equally, we should set aside enough for Dana and her husband to take a long-overdue and well-deserved vacation. It's something I know Dana has been longing for, but they won't hear of it!

I can't believe my siblings are acting this way. They say Dana can take a vacation on what she inherits, but that's not the point. While we all had free weekends and could take vacations, Dana was extremely limited because our disabled sister couldn't travel and needed a caregiver. How do I change my siblings' view? -- DISAPPOINTED BROTHER

DEAR BROTHER: Your sentiments are laudable, but there is no way to force your greedy siblings into doing anything for Dana. It appears your disabled sister died without a will, which could have ensured that Dana was repaid for her efforts. Your letter highlights the importance of putting last wishes in writing, preferably with the assistance of an attorney. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a junior in high school, I sustained a neck injury (at school) that damaged my spinal cord. I recovered mostly from that, but I have residual weakness in my right side and severe neck pain. I was able to work until, at 57, I had to go on disability. Because of that, my financial situation is difficult, increasingly so now that my wife will be retiring.

At the time of my injury, my parents didn't sue the school, although clearly the school was responsible. I was too young and certainly in no shape to address the situation.

A lawyer approached my parents at the time, and my physician stated my injuries would limit my long-term work abilities and drastically affect my life. My parents were aware that I would have limited work years, thus affecting my financial situation. I feel anger toward them because of their inaction regarding my injury and not suing the school.

I see them once or twice a week, and I'm wondering if I should bring this up to them now. They're in their mid-80s but are quite lively and take care of themselves. It consumes my thoughts each time I visit them, but I've said nothing. Do you think I should bring this up to them? -- INJURED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR INJURED: Yes, I do. You deserve to know why they were so apathetic in taking care of your welfare -- and they should be made aware of the impact it has had on your life. It may be too late to sue the school for what happened to you, but at least you will have some answers.

DEAR ABBY: I am suffering from postpartum depression while trying to reconcile with my husband, "Derek." He had several emotional affairs during my recent pregnancy, as well as after I gave birth.

His parents attacked me about the postpartum. I was hospitalized for a week because of it, but they said it was an act. Recently, his mom texted him saying he should use my mental illness as grounds to divorce me. I texted her, asking her to stop attacking me that way. She responded, calling me a devil, saying she's always hated me. Now she's turning his entire family against me, spreading vicious lies. She even accused me of trying to sleep with my father-in-law, which Derek knows is ridiculous.

I have asked Derek to address the situation, but what else can I do? I'm no longer comfortable around his parents or sending my children to be around them. I don't want Derek to be in an awkward position, but it's not fair for me to be attacked with malicious lies because of her jealousy -- especially 12 years in. Please help. -- DISRESPECTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISRESPECTED: You may be suffering from postpartum, but your mother-in-law appears to have more problems than you do. I don't envy you for being her target, or your husband for having to buffer you.

It might be helpful if the two of you consult a licensed mental health provider to figure out how to deal with her, if that's possible. And Derek should waste no time letting the rest of the family know that none of what his mother is saying is true.

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to a wonderful guy. He is very sweet, and I'm beyond thankful for him. I wouldn't trade him for the world. But he has a character flaw that's hard to ignore. When he gets frustrated, he screams out loud and takes a while to get himself together.

When he lost his phone on a plane and was angry for hours, he pouted and scowled like the world had just ended. I have a very easygoing personality, and I don't understand this type of behavior. (He contacted his phone provider, and a new phone was delivered to him within 24 hours.)

When I talked to him about his anger, he said sometimes people get frustrated and show emotions. He added that he has noticed this issue, and it's something he's been working on for years. What should I do or say the next time we encounter a mishap and he becomes angry? -- WONDERING IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR WONDERING: Your fiance may be a perfectionist or even have a touch of OCD, which is why he is so hard on himself when he makes a mistake and becomes frustrated. For his own sake (and yours), he needs to find a better way of venting his emotions.

While anger is something everyone experiences at one time or another, most people start learning to control it during childhood. While pouting and scowling are acceptable, your fiance "screaming" over losing his cellphone seems over the top. Not only that, it is intimidating. My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How To Deal With It" contains suggestions for managing and constructively channeling anger in various situations. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Your fiance needs to learn to channel his emotions more constructively because if he doesn't, it may eventually drive others away. We live in increasingly stressful times. It takes self-control as well as maturity to react calmly instead of exploding. Being in touch with his emotions will not only help your fiance calm himself without losing it, it will also help him maintain the respect of others.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend and co-worker who likes to play with my hair, rub my back and put her hands on me in general. I am not a touchy-feely kind of person with anyone, and it makes me very uncomfortable when she does this. Is there a polite way of telling her to stop without making her feel uncomfortable or hurting her feelings? I'm not a "beat around the bush" kind of person, and I sometimes lack the tact of putting things nicely. -- NO TOUCHY-FEELY

DEAR NO TOUCHY-FEELY: To express your feelings would not be lacking in tact; it would be setting a boundary. Try this: "I like you very much, and I know the feelings are mutual, but I do not like to be touched, and I want you to stop doing it."