DEAR ABBY: I'm a busy woman. My friend "Adele" was calling me excessively on my cellphone. She would call up to three times every day, even when I was at work. When I would take her call, she'd start questioning me, asking me what I was so busy with. At times she would lecture me about things she thought I should be doing.

Her perfectionism and nonstop phone calls were smothering me. I finally asked her, as graciously as I could, to please stop the excessive calling. Now she no longer speaks to me at all.

We were friends for years, but the constant contact was stressing me out. Do you think I have ruined this friendship, or is this something that will blow over? -- SMOTHERED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SMOTHERED: Adele should not have been calling you multiple times every day, especially while you were at work, which could have had a negative effect on your job performance. It was not rude to ask her to stop and to explain why.

It appears that while your friend had no hesitation to lecture you about what you "should" do, she was hypersensitive when it came to receiving some constructive criticism. You haven't heard from her because she is trying to punish you. Consider yourself lucky. You haven't ruined the friendship; she has.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. I moved to this city to be with my boyfriend six years ago. We have since broken up and gone our separate ways.

When I moved here, I left behind my family, friends and all I had ever known to be with him, but something just never felt right here. Since the breakup, this city has felt less and less like home, but the problem is, I never really felt at home in the town I grew up in either. It was a small, repressed community where if you even said the word "gay," most people were ready to shun you. Only some of my closest and dearest friends and a few family members really accepted me.

I guess my problem now is, I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to find my place in this world. Any advice you can offer or help you can give would be greatly appreciated. -- NO PLACE FEELS LIKE HOME

DEAR NO PLACE: Go on the internet and start researching cities that have a sizable gay community in which you can meet other gay people. Your next step should be to see what employment opportunities are available there for someone with your skill set. If you make the move, I predict it won't take you long to feel at home because you will find the emotional support you are looking for. I wish you luck on what I am sure will be an exciting and rewarding step forward in your life.

DEAR ABBY: I sent a VERY nice watch to my grandson for his 23rd birthday. The first thing he did was have it appraised for value and authenticity. The second thing he did was let me know he did it. I am flabbergasted and somewhat offended.

Additionally, this grandson and his siblings seem never to have been taught the importance of a handwritten thank-you note. Am I wrong and old-fashioned? -- NOT SO SURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT SO SURE: Not in my book. Good manners never go out of fashion. But don't blame your grandson or his siblings for the breach of etiquette. Parents are supposed to teach their children the social niceties, and it appears theirs fell down on the job.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband of 18 years has been going to "hook-up" websites. He says he was just looking at the pictures, but I don't believe him. I have caught him cheating twice in the past, so it's hard to trust him.

My problem is, he knows I can't leave him because I have no job, no skills, no money -- nothing. I went right from my parents' house to living with him after our wedding. We have six kids and one on the way. He will continue to go to these websites because he knows I am stuck. What should I do? -- SOON-TO-BE MOTHER OF SEVEN

DEAR SOON-TO-BE MOTHER OF SEVEN: The first thing you should do is see your doctor and be checked for STDs. If you are well, thank your higher power. If you aren't, get treatment, get well and talk to a lawyer. Your situation may not be as hopeless as you think.

Have you any relatives or friends you can stay with when you leave, change your life and become self-supporting? It may require job training and time, but please consider it.

I doubt your husband will have much time for philandering if he has six kids to take care of by himself in addition to his job. I also doubt that few, if any, women he might be hooking up with would welcome becoming the instant mother of six. And one more thing, from now on, please use birth control.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for 30 years. During this time, my ex-wife has rarely spoken to me, and in the last 10 years said not one word to me. There have been many occasions and events at my son's home to celebrate my granddaughter's birthday, etc. My ex and many other people attend, but basically, no one speaks to me. I am totally ignored.

I have a strong hunch that during the divorce my ex told people I hit or abused her. (Not true!) She told my sister something to this effect. I believe it was a ploy to distract from the fact she had been cheating on me. Regardless, this situation is extremely hurtful and unpleasant. Any ideas how to deal with this? -- OSTRACIZED AND PARALYZED

DEAR O. & P.: Have you tried to initiate a conversation? Have you asked these people why they give you the silent treatment? They're fair questions.

After 30 years, it is a little late to correct the mindset your ex may have caused these relatives to have about you. But if at this late date you try to spread the word that she was cheating, it will accomplish nothing positive, and I don't advise it.

P.S. If the silence continues, then I recommend you bring someone -- a friend or a date -- with you to these gatherings. At least you will have someone to talk to.

DEAR ABBY: I have an acquaintance I see occasionally. He recently told me he is getting married. When I congratulated him, I wanted to ask who the lucky groom is because I have often thought he was gay, but I found out he's marrying a woman. What's the appropriate way to ask this question nowadays since all of us can marry, I am happy to say. -- PONDERING IN NEVADA

DEAR PONDERING: A subtle way to ask that question would be, "Congratulations! What's your lucky fiance's (-ee's) name?"

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a great guy for a year and a half. He's funny, smart, and when he comes to my house, he washes my dishes and plays with my son. He is attentive, and he cooks for me. He is always buying me little things like a desk coffee heater because he knows I love hot coffee, or smart bulbs that create cool colors in the living room. He's a super fun guy, and he often leaves sweet little notes around the house for me.

The downside is, he has zero ambition, zero motivation and no life goals. We are in our early 30s, and I'm a professional with my own home. He lives in a small room in a house with two housemates. His job pays very little, but although he has few responsibilities, he has been very slow to look for other jobs.

Abby, I have talked to him about our future. We both want to be together, but I told him I am not going to support him. We want to move in together, but he needs to be more financially stable. He needs to be my equal.

When we spoke, he agreed with me and the fact that he can do better. He promised he would be looking, but I have been waiting months to see a change in him and -- nothing. Should I wait for him? Should I talk to him again? I want so much more, and I am not sure he can deliver. I don't want to stay just because my son loves him so much. What should I do? -- HOPELESSLY VEXED

DEAR HOPELESSLY: I understand your position. You seem to want the whole package, and from what you have written, this person is not it. You should not have to support him, and he shouldn't expect it.

It appears that while the two of you care for each other, he simply cannot summon up the motivation to make the effort to better himself financially. Could you accept this in the long run? Is the status quo what you want forever? Bear in mind, if this man moves in, it will prevent you from finding a partner who is your equal in all ways.

DEAR ABBY: My son got married eight months ago. I recently found out he and his wife haven't sent thank-you notes to anyone. Some of our friends and family took time off work, traveled across the country, spent a lot of money on airfare, hotels, meals, as well as wedding gifts. I am mortified.

Abby, there were only 60 guests, so there were fewer than 30 thank-you notes to send. When I asked my son about it last week, he said they hadn't sent them because so much time had passed and it was too late. I told him it was inexcusable, and they need to get those notes written now because this is definitely a case of better late than never.

If they don't do it within the next week, I intend to contact my friends and family and thank them myself and apologize for their rudeness. My son was not raised to be ungrateful and rude. What do you think? -- FURIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR FURIOUS: What you have in mind may be well-intentioned, but it won't make up for your son and daughter-in-law's lack of courtesy. If they fail to contact the guests who made such an effort to attend their wedding, do not speak up on their behalf because it will only make them look worse.