DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 37 years. During that time, my husband has cheated on me and fathered several children.

As we have grown older, I have begun to think about final arrangements. If he dies, would I be wrong for not giving him a funeral or memorial service or having one for his sisters and brothers? I feel it would be disrespectful to me if the children that resulted from his affairs, and possibly their mothers, were there. Although my daughters love their father, I believe they would support my decisions. -- ANGRY WIFE IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANGRY WIFE: You are under no obligation to have a funeral or memorial for your cheating husband. If his sisters, brothers, mistresses and their children would like to give him one, they can assume the responsibility. If you still feel the way you do today after his demise, you, your daughters and some close friends of yours can go out for a nice lunch or dinner to acknowledge the occasion.

P.S. Devil's food cake for dessert would be appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced 10 years ago, when I was a freshman in college. My mom didn't want the divorce. My dad initiated it, but they fought constantly when they were together. Not long afterward, Dad started a relationship with a co-worker, his current wife, whom my mom believes was the reason he left her.

I am being married at the end of the year, and I know Mom won't be able to keep her emotions in check if Dad's wife attends. My parents can keep it amicable if it's just them, but I can't see a way to exclude Dad's wife without upsetting him. What's the less-painful option -- my mom getting upset or my dad getting upset? -- WANTS FAMILY HARMONY

DEAR WANTS: Talk to your mother. Explain that you want your wedding to be inclusive, and you don't want this special day to be spoiled. If she feels she won't be able to control her anger, she shouldn't attend. To invite your father and not his wife will be regarded as an insult, and he would likely refuse to be a part of it.

DEAR ABBY: I married a man 24 years ago. At the time, I had a daughter who was 6. My new husband welcomed her, and she considers him to be her father. His parents, however, never considered her as their own. They took several family trips with all their grandkids but excluded my daughter.

Fast-forward to today: My daughter lives in another state. These nieces and nephews all have kids, as does my daughter. Every birthday and Christmas, I buy said nieces' and nephews' kids presents, but I assume because my daughter lives in a different state, no one buys her kids anything. Is it wrong that this upsets me? Should I continue buying gifts for all those kids when my daughter's kids are being left out? -- LEFT OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LEFT OUT: You are not wrong. Considering the circumstances, you have been more than generous. Because your nieces and nephews are adults now, send them cards for the holidays. The same is true for their children. And if you are asked why, tell them the truth -- that gift-giving is supposed to be an exchange, and your daughter was seriously shortchanged.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a busy woman. My friend "Adele" was calling me excessively on my cellphone. She would call up to three times every day, even when I was at work. When I would take her call, she'd start questioning me, asking me what I was so busy with. At times she would lecture me about things she thought I should be doing.

Her perfectionism and nonstop phone calls were smothering me. I finally asked her, as graciously as I could, to please stop the excessive calling. Now she no longer speaks to me at all.

We were friends for years, but the constant contact was stressing me out. Do you think I have ruined this friendship, or is this something that will blow over? -- SMOTHERED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SMOTHERED: Adele should not have been calling you multiple times every day, especially while you were at work, which could have had a negative effect on your job performance. It was not rude to ask her to stop and to explain why.

It appears that while your friend had no hesitation to lecture you about what you "should" do, she was hypersensitive when it came to receiving some constructive criticism. You haven't heard from her because she is trying to punish you. Consider yourself lucky. You haven't ruined the friendship; she has.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. I moved to this city to be with my boyfriend six years ago. We have since broken up and gone our separate ways.

When I moved here, I left behind my family, friends and all I had ever known to be with him, but something just never felt right here. Since the breakup, this city has felt less and less like home, but the problem is, I never really felt at home in the town I grew up in either. It was a small, repressed community where if you even said the word "gay," most people were ready to shun you. Only some of my closest and dearest friends and a few family members really accepted me.

I guess my problem now is, I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to find my place in this world. Any advice you can offer or help you can give would be greatly appreciated. -- NO PLACE FEELS LIKE HOME

DEAR NO PLACE: Go on the internet and start researching cities that have a sizable gay community in which you can meet other gay people. Your next step should be to see what employment opportunities are available there for someone with your skill set. If you make the move, I predict it won't take you long to feel at home because you will find the emotional support you are looking for. I wish you luck on what I am sure will be an exciting and rewarding step forward in your life.

DEAR ABBY: I sent a VERY nice watch to my grandson for his 23rd birthday. The first thing he did was have it appraised for value and authenticity. The second thing he did was let me know he did it. I am flabbergasted and somewhat offended.

Additionally, this grandson and his siblings seem never to have been taught the importance of a handwritten thank-you note. Am I wrong and old-fashioned? -- NOT SO SURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT SO SURE: Not in my book. Good manners never go out of fashion. But don't blame your grandson or his siblings for the breach of etiquette. Parents are supposed to teach their children the social niceties, and it appears theirs fell down on the job.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband of 18 years has been going to "hook-up" websites. He says he was just looking at the pictures, but I don't believe him. I have caught him cheating twice in the past, so it's hard to trust him.

My problem is, he knows I can't leave him because I have no job, no skills, no money -- nothing. I went right from my parents' house to living with him after our wedding. We have six kids and one on the way. He will continue to go to these websites because he knows I am stuck. What should I do? -- SOON-TO-BE MOTHER OF SEVEN

DEAR SOON-TO-BE MOTHER OF SEVEN: The first thing you should do is see your doctor and be checked for STDs. If you are well, thank your higher power. If you aren't, get treatment, get well and talk to a lawyer. Your situation may not be as hopeless as you think.

Have you any relatives or friends you can stay with when you leave, change your life and become self-supporting? It may require job training and time, but please consider it.

I doubt your husband will have much time for philandering if he has six kids to take care of by himself in addition to his job. I also doubt that few, if any, women he might be hooking up with would welcome becoming the instant mother of six. And one more thing, from now on, please use birth control.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for 30 years. During this time, my ex-wife has rarely spoken to me, and in the last 10 years said not one word to me. There have been many occasions and events at my son's home to celebrate my granddaughter's birthday, etc. My ex and many other people attend, but basically, no one speaks to me. I am totally ignored.

I have a strong hunch that during the divorce my ex told people I hit or abused her. (Not true!) She told my sister something to this effect. I believe it was a ploy to distract from the fact she had been cheating on me. Regardless, this situation is extremely hurtful and unpleasant. Any ideas how to deal with this? -- OSTRACIZED AND PARALYZED

DEAR O. & P.: Have you tried to initiate a conversation? Have you asked these people why they give you the silent treatment? They're fair questions.

After 30 years, it is a little late to correct the mindset your ex may have caused these relatives to have about you. But if at this late date you try to spread the word that she was cheating, it will accomplish nothing positive, and I don't advise it.

P.S. If the silence continues, then I recommend you bring someone -- a friend or a date -- with you to these gatherings. At least you will have someone to talk to.

DEAR ABBY: I have an acquaintance I see occasionally. He recently told me he is getting married. When I congratulated him, I wanted to ask who the lucky groom is because I have often thought he was gay, but I found out he's marrying a woman. What's the appropriate way to ask this question nowadays since all of us can marry, I am happy to say. -- PONDERING IN NEVADA

DEAR PONDERING: A subtle way to ask that question would be, "Congratulations! What's your lucky fiance's (-ee's) name?"