DEAR ABBY: After a long relationship, "Eric" and I plan on getting married very soon. My problem is, Eric is secretive. He keeps his phone right next to him, and before he walks into the house, he sits in his car, clearing his history. I know he looks at porn, and I'm not happy about it, but it's the other things I'm angry and confused about.

He secretly has social media. I know he's been sending pictures of himself to women, and they send pictures to him. Isn't that cheating? I think secret phone and video calls to women is cheating. I saw an image of a woman's private parts on his phone, and he told me lies about it. When I have confronted him about chatting with the other women, he gets angry and withdraws. One woman even sent me their chat history, and he lied about that, too.

Abby, I love my man, but I feel he's cheating. I don't know what else to do as there's a wedding soon. -- DESPERATE FOR ANSWERS

DEAR DESPERATE: I have sad news for you. Eric isn't "your" man. From your description, you are sharing him with heaven only knows how many others. You already know he has a problem with the truth. When you tried to do something about it, he became emotionally abusive. This is what your future will be if you marry him.

I have only three words of advice for you, and I sincerely hope you will take them to heart: Cancel the wedding!

DEAR ABBY: How do you know if a friend is actually a "frenemy"? I think my friend "Gwen" may be one.

I successfully started a second career and was doing well, but Gwen had no interest in hearing about it. She also announced her engagement on my wedding day, which diverted attention away from me on my special day.

I went through a difficult time because several family members passed away, and Gwen was neither supportive nor particularly sympathetic. Her lack of response made things even harder for me. I no longer feel like I can share my successes about saving money or getting raises, because this "friend" would be threatened by it. I almost felt Gwen was happy when I was struggling, because it made her better than I was.

Is it OK to let people go? Is this a real friend? -- FRIEND OR FOE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR F. OR F.: Gwen appears to have neither good judgment nor empathy. If those are qualities you value in a friend, my advice is to look elsewhere. Friends celebrate their friends' successes and reach out to offer comfort when they suffer losses. It is not only OK to let people like Gwen drift away, but it is also healthy.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor has a 17-year-old daughter. Fifteen weekdays a month she and a boy from school come home for 30 to 50 minutes during the noon hour. (Five days a month she comes home by herself.) Her mom and dad are both at work. Do you think her parents should know about the "nooners" at their house? -- NOSY NEIGHBOR IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Yes, I do think you should casually ask if they are aware of it. However, when you do, make sure not to sound accusatory or judgmental -- just "curious."

DEAR ABBY: My mother is in a locked ward of a nursing home because she has Alzheimer's and is a flight risk. My stepfather has begun dating her best friend. He doesn't consider it dating because, at 85, he's no longer capable of having a physical relationship. However, taking someone to dinner, the theater, church or to a movie constitutes a date to me. People in our small town are talking. I don't care about that. It's not their business.

I don't begrudge my stepfather and his lady their relationship, but he no longer visits Mom as often as he used to. He looks for any excuse not to. An example: He will say he doesn't want to drive in the rain, then drive in a downpour to go on a date with "The Other Woman." He says Mom forgets he was there five minutes after he leaves, which, unfortunately, is true. But she lights up when she sees him, and it gives her a moment of joy to visit with him. She knows he's her husband, and the last time we had a family visit, she snuggled up to him and said, "I love you."

Am I wrong to think my stepfather is not fulfilling his vows by neglecting his wife of 25 years? I truly do not mind that he's lonely and dating, but I feel he should balance his time between the two women in his life. -- FAIR-MINDED IN TEXAS

DEAR FAIR-MINDED: You say you don't begrudge your stepfather having a social life, and yet you call what he's doing neglect. Whether your mother is aware of the fact that he's spending time away from her is debatable. I assume she's receiving excellent care, and that both of you check to ensure it.

Quite frankly, what I think about this is irrelevant. The person with whom you should discuss this is your stepfather. Unless you have walked a mile in his shoes, I do not think you should judge him.

DEAR ABBY: I love my brother, but my sister-in-law, "Daisy," drives me crazy. Luckily, they live in another state.

I want to see my brother, but getting together always involves his wife. When they travel to see us, they stay for about a week. All Daisy wants to do when they are here is shop. My husband and brother have no interest in going, so it's just the two of us.

My problem is, whatever I buy, she buys the same thing. Or, if she sees me wear something she likes, she looks for the same thing to buy. She thinks it's OK because they live in a different state. Daisy does this with her other sister-in-law, too, and they live in the same city. We're both fed up. What should we do? -- COPIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR COPIED: It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Daisy may be insecure about her own fashion choices, which is why she copies yours. Because this bothers you to the degree that it does, the direct way to deal with it would be to tell Daisy it makes you feel encroached upon. Either that or, when you take her shopping, tell her you are going along only to keep her company while SHE shops, and keep your wallet in your purse.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for eight years. He has always been independent. He works full time and goes to bars with (single) co-workers four or five nights a week and stays until I'm in bed. He also likes his weekends to be his "me" time to decompress from all the socializing he does during the week.

I have become "independent" myself in order to cope with the lack of attention and affection I have received over the years. But now that I'm 34 weeks pregnant, I'm running out of patience. Although I need my husband's help with things now -- things like setting up the nursery and helping with chores around the house -- he can't seem to fit it into his schedule. When he does, he ends up rushing through various tasks, and sometimes things end up in worse condition than when he started (or if I had just done them myself).

I'm losing energy in the third trimester, and I need him to understand that I physically cannot keep working, cleaning, cooking and being the patient peacemaker that I have to be when he's upset. Do you have any ideas on how to encourage him to spend more time at home and help me? -- EXHAUSTED AND EXPECTING

DEAR EXHAUSTED: I'll be frank with you. Your husband isn't "independent"; he's living the life of a single man. Not only that, he doesn't even contribute the way a roommate would be expected to. Did you expect fatherhood would change him?

It appears he wants nothing to do with you or the baby. He could not be more disconnected physically and emotionally from you unless he actually moved out. If I were you, rather than ask me to help you to convince him to act like a man, I'd be making contingency plans because you are not going to change him and things are not going to improve. Sorry to be so negative, but of this I am positive.

DEAR ABBY: I love my partner, "Dana." We have been together for a year and a half. She had terrible roommates last year, so she moved in with me fairly early in our relationship. Now that Dana has new roommates, she wants to spend time in the space she pays rent for, which I think is valid.

The problem is, I can't stand one of her new roommates. I'll call him Benji. He has been rude to Dana in the past and has had violent episodes with women. I can't be around him because I'm afraid of him (I am a small woman), and he makes me feel incredibly anxious. Dana has forgiven him for everything.

She moved some of her things out of my house today for when she sleeps there, and it broke my heart. I tried communicating this to Dana, but I don't want to control the choices of a rational adult, and she isn't changing her mind. I'm scared for her. I'm sad for me. What do I do? -- SLEEPING ALONE

DEAR SLEEPING ALONE: You have voiced your concerns to Dana; the choice of where she lives is now up to her. As you stated, she's a rational adult and can do as she wishes. Because you are uncomfortable around Benji, see Dana away from her place. That's all you can do.