DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an elderly (90-plus) aunt who lives with her son in a town about four hours away. She corresponds by letter with us regularly, and we always write back. However, it has become apparent that she's not receiving our letters because she doesn't make any comments on any of the things we write to tell her about. We suspect that her son is withholding her mail because we have written to him in the past to express our displeasure about how he treats his mother's emotional and safety needs.

In the last letter we received from her, she told us she expected to spend Christmas in her basement apartment while her son and his wife's family have Christmas festivities upstairs. It broke our hearts, but we realize that since we're so far away, there's little we can do. We've tried sending letters without our return address on the envelope, etc. to get past her son's scrutiny, but we really don't believe she's getting her mail.

Should we contact the police or social services to do a wellness check on her, or do you have another suggestion? We know she occasionally goes to a senior center in town. Should we write to her in care of the senior center? Your comments are appreciated. -- SUSPICIOUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your relative may be having memory issues, or your fears may be genuine. Is it possible to talk with her on the phone or visit her to make an assessment? If someone suspects that an older person is being physically, emotionally or financially abused, it should be reported so the matter can be investigated. You can do that by contacting Adult Protective Services in your aunt's state or the National Domestic Violence hotline at thehotline.org or 800-799-7233.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I found some flirtatious and slightly risque messages between my husband and a female business associate. My husband agreed that they were wrong and says he has discontinued those kinds of conversations. He has stayed in contact with her, and their friendship remains.

After dealing with the hurt for more than two years, I finally told him a few months ago the only way I would be OK with their friendship is if he introduced me to her. He promised he would, but he hasn't followed through. This week I saw on our phone bill that while on a recent business trip he was texting with her late into the night and early in the morning. I confronted him, but he continues to say they are just friends, and he is doing nothing wrong.

I'm heartbroken. I feel he has betrayed my trust. What should I do? -- DISRESPECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Your husband is doing something wrong. He's hurting you and threatening the marriage. What you should do now is ask your doctor or your health insurance company to refer you to a marriage and family therapist, schedule some visits and insist that your husband join you. If he is interested in saving the marriage, he will agree. If not, you may need to reconsider your future and consult an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I've got a new one for you. My beautiful 16-year-old daughter was interested in a boy her age from school. He was interested in her, too. He told her he wanted to date her, but that he is "polyamorous" and would be dating many girls simultaneously. She told him he's too young to know what he is yet, and he was just using it as an excuse to date multiple girls, and she wasn't interested.

They are part of the same friend group. He has been acting very hurt, pouty and angry. He told a mutual friend he is "deeply hurt" he came out to my daughter and that she won't accept him as he is. I'm worried this will escalate, and he will claim that she shamed him for this.

Abby, I am all about supporting how people self-identify, but this is absolutely ridiculous. What are your thoughts? Is this the new normal? If you refuse to date a boy who dates a ton of other girls simultaneously, does that make you guilty of shaming? Personally, I think it's hilarious that this is the new excuse to be promiscuous and so does she, but I won't be laughing if we get called into the principal's office. -- NOT FUNNY IN COLORADO

DEAR NOT FUNNY: That boy is sulking because his pitch didn't sell. Polyamory is the practice of openly engaging in multiple intimate relationships with the consent of ALL the people involved. What that boy may have meant was he enjoys "playing the field." Your daughter didn't discriminate; she showed good common sense. If the principal hears about it, the administrator not only won't call your daughter into the office, I'm pretty sure the person will get a chuckle out of this.

DEAR ABBY: Our brother-in-law made a terrible mistake and is now serving time. My younger sister, "Tess," and I have visited him on a few occasions. We support him by listening and have told him that although he made a horrible mistake, he has to move forward.

Well, something happened that has put a damper on things. This brother-in-law sent Tess a letter, and in it he confessed to her that he had a dream, and she was in it. It wasn't a horrible letter, but I believe it was very inappropriate. He alluded to the fact that it was a sexual dream.

Tess has asked me if she should let our older sister, "Jane," know what her husband wrote. Jane has been through so much, so I told Tess it would not be a good idea to disclose it and add to her misery. Tess says it isn't fair to her to have to swallow this pill for the sake of not making waves. She feels Jane should know what kind of man her husband is. Abby, Jane knows exactly what kind of man she has. Part of what he did wrong was have a cyber affair.

Should Tess inform Jane that her husband has been inappropriate? She now refuses to visit our brother-in-law and has basically written him off. Please give me your opinion and advice. -- TORN UP OVER THIS IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN UP: Tess is right. It appears incarceration hasn't discouraged your brother-in-law from writing inappropriate material to inappropriate recipients. Tess should not be discouraged from informing Jane about what her husband has done and showing her the letter, if it is still in her possession. Jane has a right to know. Please respect that Tess needs to distance herself from this troubled individual and his fantasies, and don't encourage her to visit him again. In light of what's happened, I'm not sure you should either.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my brother "Leon" had a nervous breakdown at work due to a co-worker constantly harassing him. He's currently under the care of a therapist through his workplace and has not worked for a year.

Recently, at a family get-together, I asked him a question about his current situation. He became angry and very emotional. He accused me of "not listening" and went through the process of re-describing in detail how the co-worker harassed him. He then became confrontational, as if I were on trial. His adult daughter kept her head down, until she finally told her father that I only asked him the question because I loved him and was concerned for him. My niece and her sister both tried to de-escalate the situation, but were unsuccessful.

After he was done with his tirade, he proceeded to harass and belittle me! At that point, I got up and told my husband privately that I wanted to leave, which we did. This isn't the first time my brother has behaved this way at a family get-together. He acted out toward family members long before the incident at his workplace.

I enjoy being with my family, but Leon has made it unpleasant for me, and I don't like how I must walk on eggshells around him to prevent a confrontation. How do I handle this in the future and still have fun with my family? -- LINE OF FIRE IN OHIO

DEAR LINE OF FIRE: It appears your brother is not progressing well with his therapy, which is sad not only for him but also anyone who has to interact with him. Because you are no longer willing to tolerate his abuse, a logical answer would be to see your relatives in situations where he isn't included. Consider doing some entertaining on your own, because in that way, you can control the guest list.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at birth. About 30 years ago, I found my birth mother, but our relationship is intermittent and distant. She only recently gave me a name of my biological father. Through DNA testing I have discovered that the name she gave me was incorrect and who he actually was. The confirmation is rock solid with half-sisters and several first cousins located.

My birth mother is 90 now. Should I tell her what I have found out or let it go? All of the direct players in this, except her, have passed on. -- TRUTH-TELLER IN TEXAS

DEAR TRUTH-TELLER: How mentally "with it" is your 90-year-old mother? If she's in the early stages of dementia, what have you to gain by telling her? If she's sharp as a tack, one has to wonder why she would try to obscure your bio-father's identity. Was she attempting to protect herself, him or you? Or was she unsure of his identity because she had been raped or was seeing more than one man? These are questions I can't answer for you.

It shouldn't create a bombshell if you approach the subject by telling her you have uncovered some information about your biological relatives. If she is interested, tell her everything. If not, let it be.