DEAR ABBY: This is an open letter to all those women who write to you knowing their men cheated on them and then ask, "Should I marry him?" In their hearts they already know the answer; they just want YOU to tell them "NO!"

My mother saw my fiance's car around town, parked at various churches and parking lots. He parked there so I wouldn't see his car at "the other woman's" house. Well, I showed up unexpectedly at his place one night and saw them both asleep in his bed. In a way, I felt relieved.

I knew I had to do something. I immediately canceled everything, but had the wedding invitations printed and gave them to his mom and sister to send out "right away." When the big day arrived, I sat across the street in Dad's car with my mom, watching as only HIS side of the family showed up at the vacant church. The note on the door read: "Stay with 'Jazmine.' You two deserve each other! Now tell your family what you did."

I explained everything to my parents an hour later over dinner at the restaurant where we were supposed to have had our reception. We were all relieved the wedding was canceled. We laughed so much, and we reviewed all the signs that my mom tried to show me that I had ignored.

So don't get mad, ladies. Do what I did -- dry your tears and get even. -- NEVER LOOKED BACK

DEAR NEVER: Love is blind, and you should have listened to your mother. You're lucky you found out in time and didn't marry your faithless fiance. While I don't normally recommend revenge, I think in this case, the man had it coming.

DEAR ABBY: I am 52 years old and have experienced chronic fatigue (from Lyme and Epstein-Barr) most of my adult life. Four years ago, I discovered a wonderful medical practitioner and, by adhering to her protocol, regained such improved health that I began volunteering with a local organization. Due to a recent setback, however, fatigue has prevented me from volunteering, and my absence has been noticed.

Although I am usually a private person, I decided to divulge my health issues to the leader so he wouldn't think I was unhappy with my duties. He then began asking if I had tried various health products and remedies to the point where I felt I was on trial and defending myself. In the past, before I received an accurate diagnosis, some family members and physicians doubted the validity of my illness, so I am sensitive to being questioned.

Over the years, I have sought treatment from various sources, from local health stores to nationally recognized hospitals, and I don't appreciate advice from healthy armchair experts. I also don't like being questioned or doubted. Did I set myself up by disclosing my health issues, or should I have remained polite but vague? -- SURVIVOR IN THE EAST

DEAR SURVIVOR: In a sense, yes, you did set yourself up by disclosing the reason for your absence. The medical conditions from which you suffer were poorly understood years ago, and many people -- medical personnel included -- were under the impression that their patients' problems were all in their heads. Please try to be less defensive where this person is concerned. From my perspective, he was only trying to be helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I had a boyfriend for two years until a few days ago. He's a 40-year-old easygoing paraplegic (from a car accident long before I met him), and I'm an easygoing 36-year-old woman with two kids from a previous marriage.

We had a great connection, a similar outlook on life and had the same interests in pretty much everything. He adored my girls. We would all go to a movie every so often or to dinner occasionally, but mostly we would stay in and play games or watch TV when we were spending time together.

I'm his first girlfriend, so he was new to the concept of having someone love him in spite of every little flaw he had (which were very few). I told him so many times that no matter what was wrong, I was going to stick by his side.

Recently, he's had a medical problem with a few ulcerated sores. This sometimes happens to paraplegics. Unfortunately, his doctor has said he needed to leave his apartment temporarily and go into a nursing facility to get round-the-clock care. A few months went by, with plenty of visits from friends, family, and me and my daughters. (He always introduces us as his family.)

The doctor now says he may need to stay there for a year, and I know he became immediately depressed. He sent me a text saying he thinks we should just be friends, and he doesn't want a reminder of what he can't do anymore. I feel like this isn't him, that he's jumping to rash conclusions because of stress. I don't want to end the relationship. I'm willing to keep moving forward and get through this speed bump together.

He won't answer my calls or texts, and I'm at a loss about what I should do next. I want to keep him so badly. My heart aches every day worrying about this. He may lose a year of freedom, but I'm losing a lifelong companion. -- HEAVY HEART IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HEAVY HEART: You really have no choice but to follow this man's lead, so do as he has asked. Remember, you promised to support him no matter what. Agree to be "just friends," although it won't be easy if he wants to remain incommunicado. In the meantime, stay as active with other friends as you can. Above all, do not allow yourself to become socially isolated because he has chosen to isolate himself.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Frances" is currently applying for graduate school and is dating a man who works in human waste management. She lives in the dorms at school. Her brother "Harry" was at a party recently, and a young lady told him the "poop pumper" has been trying to get some alone time with her. I feel I should tell Frances that her guy is on the prowl. They have been dating since Frances was 16, and my wife and I have always thought she could do better. Should we tell her? -- HOLDING MY NOSE IN OHIO

DEAR HOLDING: No, Harry should tell his sister about the person he met at the party and exactly what he was told. Coming from her brother it will sound less like "I told you so." As to your comment that Frances "could do better," if you're referring to the boyfriend's chosen field, be aware that people in waste management can earn a very good living doing a very important job.

DEAR ABBY: My husband barely speaks to me. We both work full time and are facing the empty nest very soon. At home, I have to initiate even the smallest of small talk. He'll never say "Good morning" or ask "How was your day?" Although I work hard to keep the house the way he likes it, he speaks up only to criticize the few times I don't meet his standards. There's never a word of acknowledgment when I have accomplished other elements of housekeeping.

When I laugh at the Sunday comics, he doesn't even ask what's funny. As a result, I have become defensive. Then he accuses me of being "dismissive of his feelings." He says I don't communicate with him, but when I do, he barely responds, so over the years I have basically shut down. We have been to counseling, and maybe it's time to go again. Do you have any perspective to offer? -- UNACKNOWLEDGED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNACKNOWLEDGED: It is definitely the right move to return to counseling. But when you do, this time speak up for yourself loud and clear. If you do, it may change the dynamics of your relationship because when he accuses you of not communicating, he is blaming the victim. Once you have said your piece, let the marriage and family therapist mediate what is certain to be a long-overdue discussion.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old man currently dating a 39-year-old woman. We have been dating for 2 1/2 months. We have talked about our age difference a couple of times, but apart from that issue, every other aspect of our relationship is going well, including communication, intimacy and maturity.

We are not super interested in having children, and we both have expressed interest in adopting a child if we were to have one somewhere down the line. Despite this, I have heard from family (my parents, mostly) and close friends that I'm making a terrible mistake by dating a woman so much older.

They say it is not practical to marry a woman so much older because it will present major health and aging challenges as time goes by. This is the argument that most influences my feelings. Should I break up with her and tell her that the age difference is the reason? I feel I should decide soon so as not to waste her time. -- NOT JUST A NUMBER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR NOT JUST A NUMBER: You have been seeing this woman for only 2 1/2 months. The relationship is still new. That you are discussing marriage and children seems to me to be premature. My advice is to slow down. Let time dictate whether this romance develops further.

Discuss the flak you are getting from your parents with your lady friend. But the 14-year age difference does not necessarily mean that she'll have health challenges that you won't. Decide together whether the age difference is a deal-breaker.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a strange question, but my husband says our 6-year-old cat, "Taffy," is really 42 years old. He says one cat year equals seven people years. Taffy is like a baby to me. What gives? -- NEVER HEARD THAT IN NEVADA

DEAR NEVER HEARD: Your husband is right. As you may have already noticed, humans have longer lives than dogs and cats, but pets mature faster. According to veterinary medicine, the first two years of a cat's life equal 25 human years. After that, every cat year equals four human years. This would make Taffy the ripe old age of 41 or 42. If this is shocking to you, remember that 42 is the new 22.