DEAR ABBY: My husband has a contentious relationship with our grandchildren. He generally is a fun, happy and interesting person. But by nature he is not "hands on" when it comes to children.

Our son and daughter have great spouses and five young grandsons. He stands around like a warden waiting for something to happen, then just yells at them. It is clear he doesn't enjoy being with them, and their mood changes from happy to surly when he's around. I enjoy doing things with them and taking them to lots of fun places, and I know my husband doesn't like to go anywhere with them.

I have had two major talks trying to encourage him to have a positive, interactive relationship with the boys, to no avail. He reacts as if I'm the only one who sees this. My sister, son and daughter-in-law have talked to me about it, but I haven't told my husband. Should I just drop this issue? -- DOING THE WORK OF TWO

DEAR DOING: Your husband may or may not be capable of changing. However, the next time your sister, son and daughter-in-law talk to you about the negative message your husband is sending the grandchildren, please tell them they are talking to the wrong person. They should take this up with "Grandpa Grump," and you should not be forced into the position of being the messenger.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 22 weeks pregnant. This will be our first grandchild, and we were excited to be hosting the baby shower for her. Unfortunately, her in-laws got involved. We were told they were mostly in charge and we should butt out, and my daughter will host her own shower. She sent us a message stating that they don't want the shower to be a "burden or financial strain on us," so we can come only as guests.

We never ever said anything about finances or anything. We were excited about the shower and couldn't wait to start this amazing journey. What do we do? Do we still go as grandparents, as guests or stay away? We are not allowed to help with anything, but we were told to contribute to the food. -- STUNNED IN SOUTH AFRICA

DEAR STUNNED: Contribute what food exactly? A box of crackers? A fruit salad? Money? I don't blame you for being upset. It certainly looks like you have been pushed aside.

Did your daughter send you that message or did her mother-in-law? I ask because it is considered a breach of etiquette for an honoree to throw her own shower. Talk to your daughter. However, do not allow this to drive you away. Attend the shower. If you don't attend, it may be the beginning of an estrangement.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for me to be carrying my boss's belongings to his car at the end of his workday? Is it acceptable for me to be making his coffee a certain way and picking up his lunch? I was hired as a second administrative assistant, but I feel more like a maid/servant/slave. It's 2020! I don't think women should be treated like this anymore. Any advice? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE EAST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Absolutely. Have a chat with your employer and review what your duties are supposed to be. Nowhere in your letter is it apparent that your boss is singling you out for these tasks because you're female. If you had proof this was the case, it would be another matter. Because you find these tasks demeaning, consider looking for another job because this may not be the place for you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is 31 and still goes to his mother's house and spends the night, even though we live less than 15 minutes away. He knows it upsets me, yet every time she asks him to spend the night, he goes. He left our children home alone while I worked overnight because it was her birthday.

His relationship with his mother is a large part of why we aren't married, and the fact that he continues to spend the night there is leading to huge fights. Is this normal or not? -- FED UP IN OHIO

DEAR FED UP: That your boyfriend would leave minor children alone and without supervision while he spends the night with his mother -- birthday or not -- is unusual. It would have been more logical for him to have invited his mother to your house to celebrate the occasion.

That said, you cannot control what your boyfriend does. I suspect there's a lot more wrong with your relationship than the fact that he hasn't emotionally separated from his mother. You two could benefit from couples counseling to sort out not only his relationship with his mother, but also your relationship with each other. If he won't go, go alone to get clarity on how to proceed with your future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend who has a frustratingly bad habit. Every year, she makes a point of mentioning her upcoming birthday at least a couple of times a week, starting about four months before the day. It is never mentioned the rest of the year.

If I want to buy someone a birthday gift, I make the effort to find out when their special day is and act accordingly. If I don't wish to provide a gift, then no amount of nagging will guilt me into it. I do not want to end the friendship because she is an otherwise nice person and a good friend, but I'm sick of the nagging. Any suggestions on how to tactfully but effectively deal with this? -- NAGGED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NAGGED: The next time your friend starts up, respond by saying, "You have already told me." When she does it for the third time say, "You know, this is getting old. It looks like you are soliciting a gift." Then tell her if she keeps it up, you won't buy her one. I'll bet it works!

DEAR ABBY: Sometimes when my boyfriend and I go out with another couple and I'm talking, he abruptly says, "I never get a word in," or, "Can anyone else talk?" Abby, if I don't talk, he just sits there like a lump on a log. It's embarrassing, and I have asked him not to say that in front of other people. How should I respond when he makes cruel remarks in front of other people? -- AWKWARD SILENCE IN NEW YORK

DEAR AWKWARD: Is what your boyfriend says true? Or is it that he has trouble making social conversation? If that's the case, perhaps you should make more of an effort to draw the "lump" into the conversation. However, if it's not true, then what he's doing may be an effort to appear to be the dominant partner in your relationship.

When it happens again -- and I'm betting it will -- your response should be, "Ouch. That was hurtful and embarrassing. If you have a complaint about my behavior, please be considerate and make it privately."

DEAR ABBY: My father has been mostly absent from my life. We reconnected when I was an adult. I have always had feelings of abandonment, and because of this, I have constantly tried to build a relationship with him and allow him to have one with his grandchildren.

Dad met my friend of 10 years, "Danielle," two months ago when I threw him a birthday party. Since then, he and Danielle have begun a relationship on the sly. The problem is, Danielle tells Dad things I confided to her over the years, and he is coming back to me with whatever she has told him.

Dad has been separated for 14 years, and Danielle insisted that she wouldn't date him under those circumstances, but she did. Since the start of this, my relationship with my dad is even worse, and my long friendship with Danielle has been ruined because I know I can't trust her. Dad spends all of his time with her and her child now and hasn't begun to build a bond with me or his own grandchildren, which has been the story of my life, and my friend knows this. Abby, am I being selfish? What do you think I should do? -- MORE THAN AWKWARD IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MORE: I don't think you are selfish. You have good reason to be hurt and disappointed. Your father is remaining true to character, but your friend has betrayed your trust. You may need the help of a licensed therapist to move beyond this, and that is what I recommend you do.

Believe me, you have my sympathy. But you can't change your father or Danielle. You can, however, change the way you react to them, and a therapist will help you do that more quickly than you can do it on your own.

DEAR READERS: On April 1, I like to share a few of the more offbeat letters I receive. Here are three:

DEAR ABBY: For more than 50 years, my wife has had a close relationship with a stuffed panda bear she received when she was 8 years old. His name is Daffy, and he sits by our fireplace and pretty much rules the house. She makes him "talk" and takes him places.

When I make a mistake, like not hanging up my jacket, I say that Daffy told me not to do it. She gets mad, and I get a lecture from Daffy about how he isn't to blame and he never makes a mistake. I am joking when I blame Daffy, but my wife and Daffy don't find it funny. Am I wrong to make a joke, or should I not blame Daffy? (Daffy told me to write this letter.) -- PANDA-MONIUM OUT WEST

DEAR PANDA-MONIUM: It appears there are not one, but three "daffys" in your household. If you can't "bear" what's going on, stop joking.

P.S. You must think I'm daffy to believe this letter is legit.

DEAR ABBY: How do you address a letter to three doctors who are in a domestic partnership? Two are married to each other and have the same last name. I addressed it as, "Drs. Jane and John Doe and Joe Brown," but I wanted to be sure for future correspondence. -- THREE'S COMPANY IN ATLANTA

DEAR T.C.: Surrounded by so many doctors, you must be receiving excellent health care! The correspondence should be addressed to "Drs. Jane and John Doe and Joe Brown, M.D." Joe earned his degree and deserves that title -- even if he is coming in third.

DEAR ABBY: When I put my hand on my wife's knee at the dinner table last night, she blurted out the name of another man. What do you make of this? -- CURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CURIOUS: Unless the name she blurted was Alfredo and you were eating pasta, I suspect you may have a problem.

Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!