DEAR ABBY: Am I wrong not to want to attend a baby shower because my significant other's daughter doesn't give me the time of day? I have been with her father for 10 years now, and not once has this girl ever asked me to go shopping, have lunch or anything. I have turned the other cheek when it came to family functions on my man's side of the family, but she refuses to participate in anything I have. What to do? -- SHOWER SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T

DEAR S.S.O.S.: In all this time, have you ever asked his daughter to go shopping with you, have lunch or anything else? Did you receive an invitation to that shower? If you did, it provides a glimmer of hope that you can have some kind of relationship. If you don't go, the ice will grow thicker, and it would be a mistake to let that happen.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question. I'm planning an evening family celebration for our company. The question of dress code has been asked multiple times. I find it perplexing that people are asking. Unless otherwise specified -- i.e. black tie, semiformal, business casual or jacket required -- shouldn't it be assumed that pretty much anything goes?

For this party, I expect people to show up in anything from cut-off shorts to cocktail dresses. I didn't think a dress code was a detail that needed addressing. Am I wrong? -- NO PAJAMAS, PLEASE

DEAR NO PAJAMAS, PLEASE: You are being asked because there is confusion. Clearly it IS a detail that needs addressing, and as a considerate host, you should clarify what you expect your guests to wear.

DEAR ABBY: Widowed after 65 years of a superb marriage, it was my difficult task to begin clearing our closet of my wife's vast array of clothing and shoes. After a few trips to thrift stores, the next task was what to do with her jewelry. I came across a small black felt bag neatly tied with a small bow. Inside were her wedding band and diamond engagement ring. I set them aside.

On the date of our next anniversary, I asked a jeweler to combine my band with her rings. It took a month to complete, and some gold was added. The result was a magnificent piece with the small, but many-faceted stone inset. It cost me nearly $1,000, but I haven't regretted it for one moment. My advice to others: Consider it. Don't hesitate. (I'm twisting the ring as I write this.) -- RING OF TRUTH IN TEXAS

DEAR RING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your dearly beloved wife. How fortunate you were to have her for 65 years. I'm pleased that wearing the combined symbols of your commitment to each other brings you comfort and pleasure. Thank you for suggesting this to my readers.

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a very happy Easter. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for three years. I have been dating a woman, "Stephanie," whom I love and believe can be my next wife. We talk about marriage and have been very good for each other.

We each are blessed with three grown children, and we love our families immensely. The difference is, Stephanie socializes only with her family and has few friends who aren't related to her. I, on the other hand, have a wealth of friends and like to do a lot with them -- dinner parties, sporting events, concerts, traveling, etc. My friends are great people, and she agrees with me on that, but when we make plans with them, she says she feels like an outsider and prefers to be with her family.

Currently, Stephanie sees her daughter at least three times a week and her oldest son twice a week. In addition, her ex-husband and his wife host family events almost every other weekend -- birthdays, holidays, game nights, etc., and she never wants to miss them. They are so close that there are no secrets and lots of "inside jokes." I feel very much like an outsider at times.

I love her family, and they have welcomed me with open arms, but I can't seem to get used to this much "togetherness." Once my kids were grown and out of the house, I wanted to enjoy my life while they pursued their own fun. I'm at the point that I'm tired of her family, especially since her ex always seems to be the organizer of these get-togethers.

I don't want to hurt her or her family's feelings, but I would prefer more private time traveling or visiting with my friends and family, and we are not finding a good balance. They all attend the same church every week and even sit together as if they were still one big, happy family, even though it has been 20 years since their divorce. She tells me that I am No. 1 in her life, but her actions say otherwise. What do I do? -- DIFFERENT IN MISSOURI

DEAR DIFFERENT: I suggest you stop listening to what Stephanie says and concentrate more on what you see she's doing, then act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend who, every time I invite her and her husband over for dinner, always assumes their 20-year-old daughter can have a plate as well. They make her a plate before they serve themselves and take it to her.

I guess I don't mind, but I wish they would ask before assuming it's OK. Most of the time I make enough food so I have leftovers for my boyfriend to take for lunch the following day. Is she being rude? Or am I just being a not-so-nice friend? -- NO LEFTOVERS

DEAR NO LEFTOVERS: What your friend is doing is rude. But don't blame her for it. This is your fault for not speaking up when this first started happening and explaining that the leftovers are intended for your boyfriend's lunch the next day, which is why you would appreciate her not taking them. A way to avoid this in the future might be to plate the food yourself rather than let your guests do it, and immediately refrigerate whatever is left. Out of sight, out of reach!

DEAR ABBY: Is my daughter headed into an abusive, controlling relationship, or am I imagining the signs because of my own experience with domestic abuse for many years? She is 18 and, of course, parents are "idiots" who don't understand anything. The young man tries to control where she is, won't let her go anywhere without him, and suspiciously questions her if he thinks she spent too much of her own money.

To me, these are signs of the beginning of years of hell, but to her, they're cute because he "cares," or I don't understand him. Am I being unfair because of my own past? -- BEEN THERE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Unfair? NOT AT ALL! You have listed some of the classic signs of an abusive partner, and your daughter is headed for trouble. Please share this column with her because it's important she recognizes more of them:

1. PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

3. CONTROLLING: If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

5. ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

12. RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

14. PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

Anyone at risk should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.