DEAR ABBY: My daughter unexpectedly died very recently. A "friend" called today asking how I was doing (quarantine, food, pet food, etc). Then she asked me the most unnerving question: "Do you have 'June' with you?" I was floored. So many thoughts came rushing at me at once. June was disabled since birth. She went to live in a group home nine years ago. The friend knew I brought her home for weekends.

After I didn't speak for several minutes, she asked in an annoyed tone, "Well, did you go get her ashes or not?" (As if having her ashes with me was a comfort? It isn't!) Abby, I didn't know what to say. Her question slammed me against the wall. I mumbled a response, said I had to go and hung up.

I'm trying to make myself believe she meant nothing but concern, but I can't seem to make myself believe that the words she used weren't purposely cruel. My warm feelings for her have changed to something ugly. I'm still gasping. Your thoughts? -- GRIEVING MOTHER

DEAR GRIEVING MOTHER: Let's give the woman a perfect 10 on the insensitivity meter. She was tactless, but she may not have meant to be unkind. My thought is that you handled the situation as well as you could since her question left you understandably flat-footed. However, I would have answered her differently. I would have responded, "Why do you ask?" and let her explain herself.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister bullied me from the time our parents divorced. I was in elementary school, and she was in middle school. We are now adults and retired. Her form of bullying now is to exclude me. It started with announcing to me that I was adopted and progressed to saying in front of me, "Let's have a family reunion" and not inviting me.

When our father died, she was his executor. She showed the will to my sisters, but would not allow me to see it. Yes, I was in the will as an equal. She told the attorney I was a granddaughter, which I caught and corrected.

When I told my oldest sister my feelings were hurt, she accused me of being jealous and blocked me on social media. It's hard to disengage because I have no other family, but I keep busy in other social circles. I was unable to have kids, and the one child I adopted is busy working in another state, so it's just my husband and me now.

I tried for years to be nice and to contribute as much as possible. I know I have done nothing wrong. I have searched my soul to see why I deserve this treatment. I don't! Should I just let go of my family since at least two of my three sisters seem to want to let go of me? -- LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Yes, you should. Disengaging from the emotionally abusive sisters who treat you cruelly would be healthy for you. Maintain a relationship with the one who is open to it.

I have advised more than once in this column that sometimes it's necessary to create a family of one's own if circumstances prevent a normal relationship with a person's birth family. You and your husband should continue branching out socially. I predict that once you move in that direction, you will be far happier than you are today.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Recipe for Disaster in Texas" (Feb. 17), I have to say I disagreed with your response. Although Michelin won't be awarding me any stars, I consider myself a good cook, and I strive to make unique, flavorful meals for my family. My husband frequently feels the need to doctor my recipes, and I think it's disrespectful of the time and care I took in preparing the meal.

He insists on combining ingredients that don't belong together. He puts cheddar cheese on spaghetti Bolognese and ranch dressing on chicken teriyaki. He knows this isn't appropriate, and he would never ask for this modification in a restaurant.

"Recipe" should learn to appreciate that his wife is preparing meals for him. If he can do better, he can take over the cooking. -- FLAVOR QUEEN OF NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR QUEEN: I enjoyed the responses to that letter about a husband reseasoning his wife's gourmet meals to her distinct displeasure. Some of the online comments made me chuckle, so I'll share them, too. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I was in the military, it was normal to add salt, pepper and ketchup to everything without tasting it first. The habit has followed me for 50 years, no matter where I am. I tell the host that it's normal for me and to not take it personally. Mac 'n' cheese needs ketchup; veggies, potatoes, eggs and watermelon need salt; most everything else needs pepper. For me to taste something, it has to burn my tongue. -- VIETNAM VET IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: That wife sounds like an oversensitive control freak. Personally, I can't handle peppers, but I do like lots of cheese and sour cream on my enchiladas. My wife, who does the majority of the cooking, knows my preference, so she does me the honor of putting more of that on my enchiladas. I also like to dip my fries into mayo instead of ketchup, so she obliges. This is what we do for people we love. We don't threaten, "My way or the highway, Bub!" -- G.S. IN ABBYLAND

DEAR ABBY: I laughed when I was told to substitute "healthy" plain yogurt for sour cream. It never tasted anything like sour cream to me. Then I got some Greek yogurt and realized it works just as well. (It's an excellent protein source, and many older adults need more as we age.) Now I add plenty without feeling guilty. -- ONLINE LOVER

DEAR ABBY: My husband jokes that he has Mexican taste buds but a white guy stomach. Thank heavens we have separate bathrooms. -- C.K. ON THE NET

DEAR ABBY: I know when my husband gets out the Tabasco that the meal is not quite to his liking. I don't usually mind, because I don't cook just for him. I cook for the entire family. (And, just for reference, he thinks I'm an amazing cook.) -- P.M. ON THE WEB

DEAR ABBY: Oh, yes -- Tabasco sauce. My dad had so much of it in his lifetime, he should have been McIlhenny's pitchman. I can see the ad now:

Announcer: What do YOU have Tabasco with?

Man: I have it with chili!

Woman: I have it with eggs!

My dad: I have it with a straw.

-- "ABBDICT" A.C.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl in an average family. I started getting interested in LGBTQ+ and other social justice topics when I was in fifth grade.

Since then, I have realized that, among other things, I'm a lesbian, a liberal and an atheist. This wouldn't be a problem, but my father hates many of the things I am or stand for. He's an extremely conservative, Christian, gun-rights person, and he wants me and my brothers to join the military. He constantly pushes me to be the best that I can be, and I try, but his idea of "best" is very different from mine.

I have several mental problems, which resulted in me getting special privileges in school. I use them whenever I can, but it is never enough for him. He keeps searching through my grade book until he finds something new for me to do, regardless of the date it was assigned or whether it can be graded anymore.

I have various restrictions on my use of technology, so I can barely contact my friends. It has gotten to the point that I am worried about when I come out and looking forward to college just so I can get away. Please tell me what to do in the meantime because college is five years away. -- WAITING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WAITING: You and your dad have very different outlooks on life, and that's OK. That said, you must live under his roof for the next five years, so be diplomatic and keep some of your opinions to yourself as long as possible.

You may think your father is heavy-handed in parenting you, but has it occurred to you that when he goes through your grade book, he's trying to make sure you know how to work all the problems in it? Placing restrictions on a minor's use of technology is intelligent parenting, at least for someone just entering her teens. Please try to cut him some slack. Recognize there is a bright future ahead of you if you concentrate on your studies to the best of your ability and buckle down now.

DEAR ABBY: My 32-year-old son, "Jerry," wanted to propose to his girlfriend, but didn't have money for a ring. My husband offered him my original engagement ring, assuming for some reason (or maybe just not thinking) that my old ring didn't hold sentimental value to me, although I wore that 1/3-carat diamond every day for 32 years before getting a new, larger one.

After the ring was offered, I felt forced to let him have it. I knew it wouldn't fit his girlfriend, and I also didn't think she would settle for such a small diamond, but I figured he would have the diamond put into a setting that fit her. I got over my feeling of loss knowing he would use the ring.

Well, he didn't. He gave her my ring, and then they went out and charged a nice-sized engagement ring that she selected. My original ring now hangs on a chain in her jewelry box. Should I ask for my ring back? -- MEANS A LOT IN TEXAS

DEAR MEANS A LOT: Because your first engagement ring is not being used as intended and was only a place holder until your son's fiancee got what she really wanted, I see no reason why you shouldn't ask, and I also see no reason why she shouldn't graciously comply.