DEAR ABBY: Although he has never hit me, my husband has been emotionally and verbally abusive ever since our wedding five years ago. One of his favorite names for me when he's angry is "F----n' B----." I know this is my fault because I have tolerated it.

Today, my 2 1/2-year-old daughter (who is usually a good girl) threw a tantrum and called me the same name twice. I try to discipline her, but she doesn't understand that she's saying something bad if Daddy can call me that. How can she? He blames me for her talking that way, saying he hasn't called me that in a month. (He called me that last week. I don't use that language.)

I have suggested marriage counseling in the past, but he refused. I can't leave him because I am seven months pregnant with our second child. How do I get both of them to respect me? -- DISRESPECTED IN THE EAST

DEAR DISRESPECTED: You know that appointment you wanted to make for you and your husband with a licensed marriage and family therapist? Make one for yourself, right now, because what's going on isn't healthy for you or your little girl.

Your husband demeans you because from the moment you married him you have allowed it. Your 2-year-old isn't being disrespectful when she calls you what her father does. Children her age want attention, and they are mimics. Giving them attention when they use bad language reinforces them to do it more.

Please do as I'm suggesting before you conceive a third child. From your description of your relationship with your husband, his verbal abuse and the disrespect it conveys WILL be an example for your children that will follow them into adulthood.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old mother of two (ages 9 and 11). My husband and I have built a beautiful life together. We live in close proximity to his family, whom I absolutely love.

My question involves my own family. My father passed away 2 1/2 years ago. We were very close, so it is an ongoing struggle for me. My mother has since disowned me and my children. She's a textbook narcissist who has said many very hurtful things and has a new man and new life. Our relationship was always strained, and I knew it wouldn't be the same without Dad because he was the glue.

I have come to terms with this for myself, but we haven't talked to our children about it. How do I explain to them that their grandma doesn't want to be a part of their life? They love her and ask about her often, so I keep making stuff up.

She won't answer phone calls from me or my husband. I believe she has us blocked. She has also blocked us on social media along with other family members.

I want my kids to know the truth, but I don't want to hurt them. How can I do this? -- MOTHERLESS IN OHIO

DEAR MOTHERLESS: Stick as close to the truth as you can, with some editing. If your children ask about their grandmother, explain that people deal with the death of a loved one in different ways. In your mother's case, "She needed to look forward and not look back. Because your grandfather's death was so painful, she is concentrating on things other than family, and although we might miss her, we should be comforted that she has found a way to cope. It may not be what we would have wished, but it is her way, and we have to respect it and go on with our own lives."

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law's dog, "Zeke," is a poor houseguest. We have kept him several times while they were vacationing. This last time, a long weekend, was very stressful.

Zeke is a hound dog (58 pounds) and stubborn. He jumps on furniture, jumps up to the kitchen counter and dining table trying to steal food, urinates in the house (not all the time, but often enough), doesn't want to stay outside in the backyard unless someone is out there with him and, when he is outside alone, he constantly howls. He also chases our cats.

Whenever it's muddy in our fenced backyard, he must be taken out to the front yard on a leash or he will catch a scent and run off. There are also potential sparring matches with our own dog that must be monitored, and at feeding time, they have to be separated.

Our daughter's last trip was to be for 12 days. We said we didn't want to keep him for that long, but we would continue to keep him for short stays. This has been a sore spot with her ever since. She feels Zeke is our "granddog," and we should keep him anyway. I do not know how to handle this without causing any more bad feelings. Please advise. -- ABOVE AND BEYOND IN TEXAS

DEAR ABOVE AND BEYOND: Your daughter's dog is too much dog for you to handle and, in addition, poorly trained. He isn't your "grand" anything. Stand your ground and quit trying to placate your entitled daughter. She should be grateful that you're willing to take responsibility for the dog even for a short time. If that isn't enough for her, "bow-wow" out by refusing to take Zeke at all. He's her dog, and the problem should be hers, not yours.

DEAR ABBY: I am an empathetic person, and because of it, most of my friends and family members share things with me that they are going through in their lives. I feel pain with and for them, and have shed many tears with these people.

Most of the time, this is something I am happy to offer. I understand that not everyone has the same level of empathy or the skills to "be there" when people are going through a rough patch. But right now, I thought it might be good to share some things I have noticed when the roles were reversed and I found myself needing to share with others:

1. It's not a competition! Now is not the time to share your similar experience. Let the person sharing just talk and resist the urge to relate your own stories.

2. Don't try to offer solutions unless they are asked for. The majority of the time, the person just needs to say it out loud to someone, and then they are able to get their head or heart around it and figure things out.

3. Just listen. That's all any of us want. We want to feel heard and important and that we matter. Listening can provide that to the person who is in pain.

Abby, thanks for letting me be heard. Even the strongest friends sometimes need someone. -- LEARNED FROM EXPERIENCE

DEAR LEARNED: AMEN! Life is about learning and growing. There is much wisdom in your letter and a practical lesson for those who sometimes put their foot in their mouths because they only want to help. Thank you for sharing.

DEAR ABBY: I cut off contact with a friend I'll call "Mick" after my wife and I had our first child. He was a gambling addict, an alcoholic and a serial abuser of women. He was violent when he drank and once broke my nose because of some perceived slight.

Mick had a troubled childhood and then served in the Army in Afghanistan and Iraq. By the time he returned home, his mental health was extremely compromised, and I believe this is what led to most, if not all, of his issues and shortcomings.

I have always believed that, at heart, Mick is a good person. As someone who suffers from mental illness myself, I feel I can understand his issues on some level. I would like to reconnect with him, but I need to protect myself and my family, both emotionally and physically. How might I approach rekindling a relationship with Mick in a safe and reasonable way? -- MISSING A FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: Drop that idea. You are not a therapist, and you can't "fix" what's wrong with Mick. The man is a violent abuser, and you have no proof that he has sought counseling for his issues. Offering the hand of friendship to someone who broke your nose because he had been drinking could be dangerous for you and your family. Your first responsibility is their safety.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I befriended the most adorable older couple. They invite us over and they love lunching together. They are terrific company, and we always enjoy our time with them.

During our last visit, they were cooking lunch, and it was apparent that they don't wash their hands when preparing food. Because of the coronavirus, we aren't comfortable eating at their house anymore. We would be happy to bring something over, but they are set in their ways and like to prepare their own food. We tried saying we can't stay for lunch, but once we are with them, they start putting out the food. What advice can you give us? -- STAYING SAFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STAYING SAFE: Go online and check to see whether you can pick up the coronavirus from food. One would think that if the food is hot, the virus wouldn't survive the cooking process. Have you considered inviting them to your place instead?

If you think this charming couple's food puts you at risk of catching something unpleasant -- like salmonella -- the next time you are invited, lower your risk by bringing food for all of you. If they argue, tell them you are reciprocating their hospitality, which may have been one-sided if you have eaten there often. However, if they question you further, tell them the truth. While it may cool the relationship, it will increase your chances of staying healthy.

DEAR ABBY: My brother passed away recently. I bought a small life insurance policy 24 years ago to provide for his final expenses and to help his widow at the time of death. After paying for expenses, I plan to leave what's left to his widow. My husband is nudging me to deduct the premium I paid for the policy, but I don't feel comfortable about it. I'm not sure what I should do. Any suggestions? -- WONDERING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WONDERING: This was your brother and this is your sister-in-law. Tune your "helpful" husband out and follow your conscience.