DEAR ABBY: My brother "Brian" and his wife, "Laurel," have an adult son, "Dick," who dated a girl I'll call "Crystal" for 10 years before they got married. Everyone got along fine, until Crystal gave birth.

After their first child was born, Crystal started withholding visits from my brother and his wife. Crystal and Dick had two more children. The oldest is now 6. The only way Brian and Laurel see their grandchildren is if there's a family reunion, wedding, etc. Crystal allows her parents to see the kids and spend time with them whenever.

Brian and Laurel are flabbergasted by what has happened. They have no idea why all of a sudden after giving birth, their DIL has not allowed them to visit the grandkids, babysit or anything. My brother and his wife are great people. They don't drink to excess or use drugs and would be wonderful grandparents for these children. Would it be appropriate as a family member (aunt) to write a letter to Crystal and, in a kind, nonaccusatory way, explain the hurt this has caused and how much their children are missing out from not being around these two great individuals? -- MISSING OUT IN OREGON

DEAR MISSING OUT: While it isn't unheard of for the wife's parents to take precedence over the husband's, Crystal's behavior does appear to be extreme. It also appears the way she's acting is retaliatory, but the people who must get to the bottom of it are your brother and his wife. I don't think there is anything to be gained by involving yourself in this sad mess, because if you do, Crystal and her husband will resent it. Sympathize, but stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my daughter, "Angie," and her two children moved in with me after she and her husband separated. I hoped she would get her finances and life together and be able to get a place of her own.

What I didn't realize at the time was that Angie had started a relationship and had fallen in love with a man she met online. Her daughter was very upset about it. Angie was in a custody dispute over her youngest child, and we disagreed more than once about issues concerning the children.

After a couple of years, she moved into her own place. She's still involved with this individual. I haven't met him and have no desire to. She's upset with me because of it. I don't want to see him with her because he has been married several times and is involved with drugs. I realize who Angie is involved with is her business and not mine, but I want nothing to do with him. How can I avoid a rift with her over this? -- SOURED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SOURED: No law says you have to meet this person, and it is your privilege to avoid him if you wish. I'm not sure what your daughter expects from you. Does she want you to entertain him? Common sense would dictate that you do not want anyone who is involved with illegal substances in your home. However, I do think you should agree to meet him once.

If Angie's relationship with you is predicated on the idea that you will welcome this individual into your life with open arms because she has, you will then have to figure out how to navigate this. That she would allow someone like him to interact with her children shows very poor judgment.

DEAR ABBY: Our 19-year-old daughter is wonderful in many ways. She's smart, attends a university on academic scholarships and earns excellent grades. The problem is the way she dresses. Her shorts are so short they show some cheek, the bathing suits she wears in our backyard pool are almost thongs, she runs at the track in spandex and a sports bra and gets catcalls.

I understand the outfit would be OK for a formal race, but at the track? Why not throw on a T-shirt? The most recent example was a Sunday afternoon, ladies-only baby shower, to which she wore a pale pink (it looked nude) clingy dress that barely covered her butt. No one else was dressed like that. I was embarrassed. She wasn't raised like this.

I understand there are times when a young woman wants to look alluring. I have tried to talk to her about classy/sexy versus trampy, but she gets defensive. Any advice? -- EMBARRASSED MOM IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR MOM: Many young women dress the way your daughter does in an attempt to emulate current social media personalities. Others do it to get attention because they are not sure they have anything more to offer. Because lecturing your daughter has fallen on deaf ears, let her learn these lessons on her own. And in the meantime, concentrate on helping her to appreciate more of the important qualities she has to offer in addition to what I am assuming is a killer figure.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We seem to have a lot of issues every year around fall. It has been this way for the last five years.

While my husband and I were separated, he was intimate for a month with a younger woman. He decided to stop seeing her and returned home to work on our marriage, but before he approached me about working things out, he apologized to her first. I don't understand why he owed her an apology. It still bothers me that he felt the need to apologize to her first and not me. What should I do? -- HURT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURT: Your husband may not have been entirely honest with the younger woman about his marital status, or he may have felt guilty for leading her on. Who knows? In the interest of saving your marriage, I suggest you focus your attention on the fact that you have your husband back and let this go.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a dad with four kids, three of them grown. When we celebrate my birthday or my wife's, or Father's Day or Mother's Day, I'm the one who always pays. For the most recent Father's Day dinner, the check was $240. My wife and I are still paycheck-to-paycheck people, and at least one of my kids makes five times as much as we do between her and her boyfriend. Am I getting this wrong? -- NOT MADE OF MONEY

DEAR NOT MADE: No, you are not. In some families, the parent, "the head of the family," picks up the check for celebrations. However, once the children become adults, they usually step forward on occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day and Father's Day and treat their parents. Because your children don't seem to have noticed that they are now adults, you should point it out to them. Because of the disparity in your incomes, they should at least offer to treat you and your wife on special occasions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman who has battled rheumatoid arthritis and Sjogren's syndrome for the past eight years. My aunt passed away from complications of it at the age of 43, and I'm getting close to that age.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have become increasingly disabled. I can barely get out of bed without being in pain and cannot sleep. Household chores have become impossible, and I can get things done only near the end of the day when the swelling in my joints goes down.

I saw how this disease robbed my aunt of her livelihood, but I also saw how my uncle helped her with almost everything. I love my husband, but he seems to think that I can just take a pill and instantly and magically be fine, which is not true. He has unrealistic expectations of me that I cannot meet.

I have tried to get him to understand this is a chronic disease that will be with me for the rest of my life, and I have given him material to read, but he dismisses it. At this point, I feel like packing up and leaving because I'm a burden to him and I don't know what else to do anymore. Advice? -- FULL OF PAIN

DEAR FULL OF PAIN: Packing up and leaving right now is not advisable. When couples promise each other they will stick together "in sickness and in health," situations like the one in which you find yourself is what's meant.

Does your doctor know the degree to which your health has declined in the last several months? If not, put the person on notice! Schedule a consultation, if possible, and when you do, your husband should be with you so he can fully understand what's going on and help you if you need it. If he isn't capable of doing that, you will have to make other arrangements for your care and for the housework you can no longer manage.

Please stop beating yourself up over this. You have done nothing wrong. Your husband could just as easily be the unwell spouse, if fate hadn't decided otherwise.

DEAR ABBY: My friend just ended a relationship with her boyfriend of over two years that had progressed to them moving in together. About eight months ago, she found out he was having an online relationship, but they talked it out and decided to give it another try. Now, after learning he has another woman on the line, she kicked him out.

Abby, he is working to get her back, and she seems to want to give him another chance. I think it's a losing game for her and more disappointment down the line. My question is, how honest should I be about my unwillingness to go along with giving him a third chance? It seems like this leopard won't change his spots. -- CRYSTAL BALL IN MISSOURI

DEAR CRYSTAL BALL: If you haven't already expressed your feelings to your friend, and she asks you for your opinion, be fully honest regarding your concerns about her ex-boyfriend's character. I agree that having cheated on her not once but twice, the likelihood of him doing it again is almost guaranteed. That said, you can't live your friend's life for her, and some people are slow to learn.