DEAR ABBY: I am a nurse in New York City. My boyfriend lives in Philadelphia. During the height of the pandemic, we didn't see each other because I worked on a COVID unit and contracted the virus. His sister became very controlling and kept urging him not to see me, which brought me great pain. I was extremely lonely, and for months, the only people I saw were my co-workers.

At the end of May, my boyfriend and I began seeing each other regularly. Because he sees me, his sister refuses to see him, which makes me very sad. His mother died two years ago.

When his family tries to plan things, his sister either comes late or doesn't show up. If I'm invited, she says she doesn't want to be in the same room as me. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and his older father, who he now lives with. His father has never expressed that he feels uncomfortable around me.

I feel like we have to plan things around this sister. I want my boyfriend to spend time with his family, but she's extremely controlling when everyone else in the family seems excited to see me. What do I do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I am assuming that if you are again working that you are tested regularly for COVID and therefore in no danger of giving the virus to anyone. Because there has been so much misinformation spread during the pandemic, many people are being extremely cautious -- and rightfully so.

If you had a good relationship with your boyfriend's sister before the pandemic began, recognize that she acts the way she does because she's afraid for her life, so stop personalizing it and judging her for it. She has a right to protect herself, even if it seems irrational to you.

DEAR ABBY: As a grandparent, I feel the Christmas gift my husband and I received last year from our granddaughter was a gift of a lifetime. We have enjoyed it all year. It was a gift of memories, written on 12 cards to be opened on the first day of each month. She had inserted each card into an individual envelope, designated with which month it was to be opened. She put them in a box wrapped with a bow and placed it under the tree.

The excitement generated while anxiously awaiting a new month's arrival so the new memory could be read created enthusiasm among the entire family. In each envelope were experiences we had forgotten or never realized had made an impact on her life.

A gift like this requires only time and 12 pieces of paper. The concept could even be reversed so it would be from grandparent to grandchild. Few of us grandparents need material gifts, but the caring, thought and love shown by this gift will remain with us all our lives. -- WANTED TO SHARE, FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR WANTED TO SHARE: What a precious gift. I have long advocated that the most meaningful gift we can give each other is the gift of self, in the form of time, attention, a handwritten letter or a phone call. Your granddaughter's concept of a "Memory of the Month Club" was ingenious. I congratulate her for it, and I hope it inspires others.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently came back from a gold/silver/coin merchandiser event and told me she had sold an old U.S. $5 gold piece (for probably less than it was worth). I was hurt, not only because I have a coin collection and would have been interested in knowing about and seeing the coin, but also because she didn't seem to understand how disappointed and hurt I was. She gleefully announced she was going to use the proceeds to purchase an exercise bike.

I took a two-hour walk to work off my feelings and then skipped dinner because I had lost my appetite. Sometimes I feel that my feelings don't matter to her -- that it's "her way or the highway." Should I let this incident go and move on, or is a long "crucial conversation" called for? -- DISCOUNTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISCOUNTED: Of course you should discuss this with your wife. That coin was only a thing. The fact that the coin was sold without first consulting you is less important than your statement that sometimes you think your feelings don't matter to her.

A key factor in successful marriages is the ability to discuss difficult subjects calmly. Your ability to relate to each other appears to need improvement. If you cannot work this out between the two of you, a licensed therapist may be able to help.

DEAR ABBY: I was at the zoo with my daughter enjoying an ice cream cone. At the next table over, a man was berating his daughter, yelling at her for saying no to his girlfriend. He said things like, "I'm going to bust your butt so hard you won't sit for a week," and he kept glaring at her like she was the worst creature on the planet. It was hard to sit there watching a dad verbally and emotionally abuse an innocent 4-year-old. Is there anything I could have done? -- HELPLESS IN UTAH

DEAR HELPLESS: You might have attempted to distract the father by saying something to him to the effect that parenting can be frustrating at times, which might have interrupted his rant. But beyond that there was nothing you could do to intervene. What a shame. Berating and threatening his little girl won't cause her to like or accept the girlfriend. Quite the opposite, in fact.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful lady who has three adult children. Her kids are great, but they have one habit that kind of bothers me. They address their mother by her first name, never as Mom or Mother. I feel it shows a lack of respect. I have thought about saying something to them about it, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it. What do you think? -- MR. TRADITIONAL IN MISSOURI

DEAR MR. T.: I'm glad you have resisted the urge to render a judgment upon the way your wife's children address her -- and probably have since they were quite young. People show respect for each other in the way they treat each other. What they call each other is their own business. If your wife is happy and has a good relationship with her children, keep your opinion to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 38 years. Our two children are adults now. Our older son has had the same girlfriend for 11 years, but my in-laws still won't accept her because they aren't married, so they don't include her in some family functions. How can I let them know in a nice way that she is family to me? Even my husband doesn't regard her as family.

I understand some people are that way, but I was raised by a mother who saw all of our friends and boyfriends and girlfriends as family, even after some were divorced. I feel like skipping these family functions if my children and their girlfriends aren't included. What can I do? -- INCLUSIVE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR INCLUSIVE: Your in-laws have a right to their opinions, and so do you. Listen to your heart. If it's telling you that you would rather spend those times with your children and their girlfriends, go ahead and do it. I am assuming that the son who is involved in the long-term relationship would not be leaving his girlfriend home alone when these gatherings are held, because if that's the case after 11 years, she should dump him.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I grew up in California. One of my sisters moved to Texas with her husband 29 years ago. Over the years I have had to listen to her put California down. On the occasions when she visits, she never fails to mention how crowded it is, how the air is terrible and how our government is a joke.

Recently, she asked to come here for a visit, and I agreed. The next day I got a text from her with an article attached about "Why California Sucks." I am so irritated that I no longer want her to come next month. How do I handle this? -- ANNOYED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANNOYED: Are you telling me you have tolerated your sister's jibes about our great state of California all this time without putting a stop to it? That woman has a lot of nerve! If she truly hates it here, why is she willing to come?

Although California may have its natural disasters, a large homeless population, unhealthful air quality, scorching heat waves and the promise of even higher taxes to come -- other states are not without their challenges. Yet folks still seem to want to immigrate to California in droves, judging by the traffic.

The time has come to draw the line. Tell your sister you don't like her needling, and if she doesn't cut it out, her invitation will be rescinded.

DEAR ABBY: For the last 20 years, I have been sending my four nieces and nephews birthday and Christmas cards with checks enclosed. They are adults now with jobs and families. How can I gently tell them that I wish to discontinue the checks in their cards? -- NO MORE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO MORE: All you need to do is remind them -- lovingly -- that because they are adults now, with jobs and families of their own, you would like to exchange cards on special occasions rather than send money. Many parents do this when their children reach adulthood.