DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have dear friends, one of whom has been diagnosed with untreatable cancer. The doctors told him to go home and maximize his quality of life. The first step he took was to completely cut us out.

We had been friends for years. They watched the big football games with us at our house. When he was diagnosed, I was the first person outside of his family he called. They stood up with us when we renewed our vows. I have cut cords of firewood for them. We traveled together.

Recently, the wife posted on Facebook that when undergoing trials you find out who your friends really are. We have been tossed aside like worn-out shoes.

My question is, when he passes, if we learn about it, would it be appropriate to attend the funeral to say goodbye to this man we dearly love and offer our condolences to the widow? -- ALREADY BEREAVED IN KANSAS

DEAR ALREADY BEREAVED: Everyone reacts differently after receiving a diagnosis like the one your friend received. Some people reach out for support, but a sizable number do the opposite. They "circle the wagons," which may be what this man has done.

It would be interesting to know if his wife was aware of the message you were given, because from what she posted, she may not have been. I think it is time to reach out to her privately and ask her how you can be supportive -- if only to her. And yes, when he passes you should pay your respects and offer condolences. Funerals are for the living.

DEAR ABBY: For the past few months I've been seeing a gentleman in his late 50s who lost his last girlfriend, "Vera," in a tragic accident. Her death was less than a year ago and he is still grieving, which I respect and am not uncomfortable with. My beau has low self-esteem. He thinks the relationship he had with Vera made him a better person, and that without her he will be less so.

I understand his sorrow and that he needs more time to sort through his feelings but, if things work out with us, and we continue to see each other, I want to know how I can also make him feel like I'm helping him be a better person. He says it was "just the relationship they had" and that he doesn't know how to put it into words.

I don't want to replace Vera or copy her, but I do wish I could understand what she did to help him believe positive things about himself. -- NEW GIRLFRIEND IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: In order to understand that, it would be helpful to see if he can explain the reason for his low self-esteem. Was it hypercritical parents? Difficulty fitting in with peers that started when he was in school? Not receiving enough positive feedback in his youth?

Once you gain more insight, you may be able to find the answers you are looking for. Both partners in a relationship should use whatever attributes they have to make each other feel positive. However, please recognize it should not be your responsibility to prop him up on a continuing basis.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 59-year-old man who was engaged to a 46-year-old woman. She told me she was going to leave for work on Friday, but I found out she was actually going on a vacation. She was pretending to go to work but driving to Georgia to meet a married man she met on a dating site instead.

We live in New Jersey, and it's a 13-hour drive. I found her phone the day before and deleted all his info, but she still drove down there to meet him. I am devastated and crushed. Any help or suggestions? I wish people who do this stuff could be tattooed on the forehead to warn other good people. -- HURT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HURT: I sympathize with your pain, which I am sure is considerable. I do have some advice, which I hope you will heed. Please realize that finding her phone before her departure was a gift to you from above. Thank your higher power that you now understand exactly who this woman is and didn't marry her.

The time has come to move forward resolutely. There are better days -- and better women -- ahead. I say this with certainty because you can't do worse than this one.

DEAR ABBY: I reached out recently to the daughter of my cousin who had just passed away. I offered condolences and a picture of her great-grandfather, who was my grandfather. I also shared some warm memories of her dad, my cousin.

She shot back with some seriously negative information about her dad's dad, my uncle. It really shook me. I didn't want to know that information. I barely knew my uncle, but my memories of the family all involved happy times together.

What she said shocked and saddened me. I wish I didn't know. I think people should speak well of those who are gone or say nothing. Don't you? -- UNPLEASANT IN THE WEST

DEAR UNPLEASANT: Most people tend to omit the unpleasant details when talking about someone who has passed on, but I do not think there are any hard-and-fast rules. I'm sorry you were upset about the dose of truth you received in exchange for your warm memories. But understand, I have read obituaries and listened to eulogies that were so sanitized I didn't recognize who was being discussed. Perhaps there is a happy medium.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old with an addiction to screens. I sometimes pull overnighters on my phone. I'm starting to realize my limits. Sometimes I cannot trust myself with my actions, and I think I may need help. Do you have any advice? -- SEEING THE LIGHT IN MARYLAND

DEAR SEEING: It takes a brave person to admit they have a problem and be proactive in accepting that it may be something they can't solve on their own. I congratulate you for admitting it. You are not the only teen with this issue. Many people your age and older struggle with it, too.

Your next step should be to talk to your parents about your concerns and ask for help in breaking your screen addiction. This can sometimes involve more than going "cold turkey," and they may need to seek a referral from your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who recently had a baby with serious health problems. Unfortunately, we live on opposite sides of the country, and I can't afford to fly out there. I want to help, but short of calls and texts to let her know I'm thinking of her, I'm out of ideas.

She's mentioned several times that with all the work of being a new parent plus the extra work involved with a child with special needs, she often doesn't have time to prepare healthy meals and reverts to junk food that she can grab easily. Ordinarily, I'd bring over a few meals to help out, but that's impossible to do when she's so far away.

Restaurant gift cards would be an option, but unfortunately she and her husband don't have the time to go to one. I'm hoping you might have other ideas on how I can help out from afar. -- PUZZLED ABOUT HELPING

DEAR PUZZLED: Go online and research food delivery services in the city or town where your friend lives. Some businesses deliver prepared meals on a weekly basis. Other companies ship boxes of wonderful fruits every month. But before doing anything, ask your overwhelmed friend what she and her husband think might be helpful rather than try to second-guess.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to know if there is a nice way of asking my niece and her boyfriend, who are in their mid- to late-20s, not to bring their phones to the dinner table? I have spent days preparing for and cooking holiday meals. The evening was less than enjoyable for me because they were only partly there, and spent most of their time texting and presumably on Facebook.

It's awkward to ask an adult to practice good manners. Any words of wisdom will be much appreciated. -- WELL-MANNERED LADY IN THE WEST

DEAR LADY: Explain to your niece that you spend a lot of time, money and effort on presenting these meals, and that you were hurt and offended at their apparent lack of appreciation. It's the truth. Do not preoccupy yourself with trying to be nice or you will weaken the message. Some families solve this problem by insisting their guests place their cellphones in a basket before dinner and reclaim them as they depart. (Just a thought!)

DEAR ABBY: My friend from church casually mentioned that he and his wife recently helped themselves to several buckets of sand from a national park. I'm beside myself trying to understand how they can justify pillaging a natural resource so they can pretend they are at the beach. It's beyond selfish and just plain wrong. What can I say to convince them to return it? Can you help me navigate this conversation while still maintaining the friendship? -- SHOCKED IN HAWAII

DEAR SHOCKED: Start by pointing out to your friends that there are serious penalties for doing what he and his wife did. I ran your letter by my former personal assistant, Winni, who lives in Hawaii. She informed me that, according to the Department of Land and Natural Resources, stealing sand from the beaches is not only against the law, but also punishable with fines of upwards of $100,000.