DEAR ABBY: My husband's dad, "Adam," is very mellow and can talk to anyone. His mom, "Eve," is friendly, but a little more reserved.

Early in their marriage, Adam was a drinker, and my mother-in-law has never forgiven him for the way he treated her during that time. She has always treated him disrespectfully, but as they get older, it's becoming worse.

She has hit Adam when we had people over because he didn't do what she told him to do. I told her to stop, and my husband told her she embarrassed him, but Eve forgets or doesn't care and continues to do it. She talks down to him constantly. If that's how she acts when people are around, I hate to think what happens behind closed doors.

When she hits him, Adam sits there expressionless and doesn't react. He's not the man he once was, and he is adored by many people. What can we do to help my FIL and make her stop doing this in front of her grandkids and company? Eve claims to be a Christian, but isn't acting like one. -- FRUSTRATED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your father-in-law may have had a drinking problem years ago, but he has a different problem now. He is a victim of verbal and physical abuse. He may have tolerated it all these years out of guilt for what he put his wife through when he was drinking. He may also have become so beaten down that he can no longer protect himself.

He does need help. With your and his son's encouragement, he can receive it because there are programs available for male victims of domestic violence. Stop Abuse for Everyone (SAFE) is an organization that helps abused individuals of all ages, genders, races and sexual orientations. The website is stopabuseforeveryone.org.

DEAR ABBY: I met a nice friend. He's a widower whose wife has been gone for three years. My husband died 10 years ago.

He makes me laugh, something I haven't done in a while. I really like this guy, but he is still grieving. Some days he's good, but others he's a mess.

I want us to be in a relationship, and I think he could be "the one." We've only been courting for a month, but he has been pursuing me for a year. Should I give it more time, or should I move on with my life? I haven't been intimate with him, but he still makes me feel like a woman, which is something I've missed. -- THINKING IT'S HIM IN MARYLAND

DEAR THINKING: As you know, the process of grieving isn't a straight line. When a loved one dies, the survivors have good periods and ones that are less so. You are further along in this grieving process than your friend because his loss is more recent.

If a relationship (or more) is what you want, allow him more time to work through his feelings. However, if the bad spells don't become less frequent, suggest he talk with his doctor about joining a grief support group in which he can safely vent his feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend (since we were babies) and I are having a disagreement. She had two kids when she was 16 and 17 who are now in their early 20s. One of them still lives rent-free under her roof.

My friend struggled her whole life but got a college degree, bought a house five years ago and owns two cars all on her own. She has recently started having friends over on the weekends and drinking. While I don't do that, I understand she had kids early and wants to have a little fun now in her 40s. She's very responsible and pays her bills.

The other day I walked in and her daughter started screaming at me that I need to tell her mom to stop and saying that she was moving out. I was shocked that she spoke to me that way.

My friend started crying because she loves her daughter and doesn't want her to move. I say, let her go. She needs to learn to respect her elders, and she'll soon realize living on her own isn't easy. My friend didn't agree and hasn't said anything to her daughter about how she spoke to both of us. I want to help my friend because she comes to me for advice, but I don't know how. -- DISAPPROVING FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: People often say things in the heat of anger. You walked in on a fight between your friend and her daughter. You have no idea what started it, and you shouldn't have inserted yourself. When you tried to "help," your input was rejected.

You have already said enough. Now, resist the impulse to stir the pot and step back so your friend can handle this herself.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a family with incest and physical and psychological abuse. I need to talk with my little sister about it. How do I get through it without breaking down before I can help her? My little brother died by suicide six months ago. I have been having nightmares over it. How do I go about getting through to her about it all? -- BAD HISTORY IN IDAHO

DEAR BAD HISTORY: Before attempting to do that, it's important that you talk with a licensed therapist about what happened to you in that unhealthy environment. Once that is done, ask if you can bring your little sister to some sessions.

It is tragic that your brother was so damaged by the abuse he received that he could not go on, and I respect you for wanting to prevent something similar from happening to your sister. Groups such as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) offer counseling referrals after a family member takes his own life. You may be able to find a qualified referral there.

DEAR ABBY: I usually send special occasion flowers to my wife at work. I was wondering if it could make some co-workers who do not receive flowers from their partner or husband feel neglected, and worse, cause friction between them and my wife. If you feel this could be a potential problem, I can have the flowers delivered to our home. -- EXCLUDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR EXCLUDED: If receiving flowers at her job has caused any tension in the past, you probably would have heard about it. However, you should ask your wife what she would prefer because she may enjoy the public gesture of husbandly love.

DEAR ABBY: My tattoos are destroying my marriage, and I just don't understand why. I'm a 56-year-old elementary art teacher and the father of three grown children. Since I was young, I have loved the artistic expression of tattoos, and I ALWAYS envisioned having them, lots of them.

It had been about 10 years since my last one, but I decided to get another one. Telling my wife about wanting another one was awful. My wife of 28 years hates tattoos. We have terrible arguments every time I get one. I have covered my entire upper body. (Other than my hands, none of them are visible while I'm wearing my work clothes.) I love them.

I just returned home with roses tattooed on my hands, and my wife is ready to leave me. She says I have gone too far with all my ink. I'm a responsible and respectful person. I don't drink, smoke, gamble or have any destructive vices. I'm highly regarded as a leader and role model at my school.

Friends, colleagues -- even strangers -- compliment me on my tattoos. However, you would think my tattoos and I are the devil in my wife's eyes. Am I the problem, or is her perception of tattoos the issue? Please, any advice would be greatly accepted. I can't understand her stance on this. -- ART IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ART: It is your body, and you have the right to do what you want with it. While not everyone is a fan of body art, I assume that you had tattoos before you and your wife married. It is possible that over the years, when you told your wife you were getting more, knowing her feelings about it, it came across to her as disrespectful of her feelings. As you have acquired more and more, it may have felt to her like one insult piled on another.

Having never spoken with your wife, I can't guess her reason for talking about leaving you, but it's important you ask why those roses were the last straw. (Am I correct in assuming there's no place else on your "canvas" that hasn't been illustrated?)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 20-plus years. His mother has never liked me. I have never done anything to her or her husband.

My father-in-law passed away two years back, and my mother-in-law is older. If something happens to her, how am I supposed to react? I know I have to be there for my husband. My husband and I get along wonderfully, but at the same time, I would feel like a hypocrite if I went to her funeral. We haven't spoken in over a year.

Other family members have repeated things she has said about me as well as my family. I put up with her behavior for years. I only quit talking to her or going around her a year ago. -- HATES HYPOCRISY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HATES: Funerals are for the living. Do not succumb to the temptation to use your mother-in-law's as a platform to demonstrate your dislike of her. Attend the funeral and comfort your husband, who likely will be hurting and need your support. And when you do, above all, refrain from humming, "Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead."