DEAR ABBY: I am afraid for my daughter. She has been married less than a year to a very controlling man. He doesn't ASK her to do anything, he DEMANDS that she do what he wants. She cannot go out to eat or to a movie or anyplace like that unless he is with her. She works a 40-hour-a-week job, and in addition she must do all the work inside the house plus mow the lawn while he plays games on his computer. Don't you have a list of things to look for to tell someone when it is time to get out while the getting is good? -- VERY WORRIED MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: I certainly do, and you have a right to be worried. It has been a while since I shared this important information about abusive behaviors. Read on:

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation or waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID EXPECTATIONS: Demands that you serve, obey and remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

Readers, ANYONE at risk of spousal or partner abuse should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.

DEAR ABBY: Several months after we met, my partner asked me to move into her home. That was three years ago. She told me she had a son who was living with her, but that he would soon be moving into his own place. I have never loved anyone the way I do her, but her son is a different story.

What she didn't tell me before I moved in was that he is 37 years old and hasn't worked more than three weeks in his life. He is not physically or mentally disabled. In fact, he is extremely bright in the tech field. He is totally dependent on his mother to pay for everything, including his car. He buys nothing.

She gives him a hefty "allowance" for doing her yardwork. He has no shame about being a slacker, and she keeps saying she wants him out on his own, but she sets no deadlines. I want her to set a departure date. Her son has to grow up, get a job and move out six months after that, just as my daughter and son both did. They now have families and are economically sound.

I want my partner and me to have our own home together. She's pushing marriage, and I'm thinking I should use my head and move back to Florida. I have no security here and I do not want any responsibility for him. Any advice? -- SMARTER WOMAN

DEAR SMARTER WOMAN: Your partner may be pressing for marriage, but you absolutely shouldn't do it under these circumstances. Set a departure date at which time either her son moves out, or you do. I agree that the man (37!) needs to move out and accept responsibility for himself, but it won't happen as long as Mama is his enabler.

DEAR ABBY: At family gatherings, I can't get a word in edgewise. When I try to join the conversation, invariably someone -- usually my wife -- cuts me off, dismisses what I have to say as "fiction" and shuts me down. It is extremely disrespectful and I feel humiliated and embarrassed by her comments. My silence does not mean consent.

She and the family live by the rule that the one who speaks loudest speaks best. I have complained privately to her to no avail. She won't admit there's a problem. She says these verbal free-for-alls are a part of her "culture." I love her and the family, but have begun to withdraw as much as I can from these gatherings. For what it's worth, I'm fairly well-educated, stay reasonably well-informed, have traveled quite a bit and believe I could add worthwhile and valid input to our gatherings, if I had the chance. Please advise. -- UNHEARD MAN OF THE FAMILY

DEAR UNHEARD: You may be the "man of the family," but your wife assumed the dominant role the first time she dismissed what you were saying as "fiction." You may love her and her overbearing, disrespectful family, but what has been going on is a part of no "culture" I have heard of. Nothing will change until you either insist that she be sensitive to your feelings, treat you with respect and refuse to attend gatherings if you are not allowed to fully participate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my early 60s. I have a husband I love very much and I enjoyed dressing sexy for him at the end of our date nights. However, I stumbled across some pictures of half-naked young models a friend of his continually sends. Because of them and the fact that my husband enjoys commenting on them, I no longer feel sexy.

I'm not a 20-something model, and now I feel like an old fool for thinking I looked good to him. I don't know how to talk to him about this matter. I wish that, just once, when his friend sent him a picture, he would have replied "No, thank you," and told his friend he already has a sexy woman in his life. Advice? -- FEELING FOOLISH IN NEW YORK

DEAR FEELING FOOLISH: You are not an "old fool," you are a disappointed wife. It's time for an honest conversation. Tell your husband you found the pictures, read the comments he made to his friend in response and how it has made you feel about your own attractiveness. If you speak up, he may be able to reassure you. However, if he can't, it may require assistance from a licensed marriage and family therapist. You have my sympathy. Your problem is not uncommon.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 29-year-old woman married to a dream of a man I met when I was 19. We have a child together. We have had our ups and downs, but it's to be expected, I suppose, when you begin a relationship before really knowing yourself.

Recently things have become complicated. I am discovering things about myself and think I may be a lesbian. I identified as bisexual for most of my life, but I'm starting to reevaluate my life now. I have become repulsed by sex with my husband. I love our family and I think he's an amazing husband, but I still feel a void. Please give me some advice. -- EVOLVING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EVOLVING: It is not uncommon for individuals of both genders to come out later in life. You owe it to your husband to level with him about what's going on, omitting, of course, that you now find sex with him to be "repulsive." Under no circumstances should you make this about him. Tell him you no longer think you are bisexual but a lesbian, and you need to explore your true nature. Do not expect him to like it, but stand your ground. Offer him the option of counseling at the nearest LGBTQ center, and hope that he will be able to move forward with his own life soon. He may also find support by contacting the Straight Spouse Network. Its website is straightspouse.org.

DEAR ABBY: I gifted my boyfriend $5,000 so he could get rid of his credit debt. He was really stressed, and I thought it would be a solution. Now he's buying more stuff, like he didn't learn from this. I'm in a weird situation -- why is he spending more? (I probably have no right to know what he has done with it.) Honestly, I don't think I'll do this again. What do you think? -- SADLY MISTAKEN

DEAR SADLY MISTAKEN: Your irresponsible boyfriend is spending again because he now knows you will "rescue" him by paying his bills. This wasn't a tiny "oops," it was a big mistake. Put away your checkbook before he ruins your credit, too, and end the romance or he will bleed you dry!