DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who very much wants to find someone to share my life and start a family with. The problem is I hate dating, at least the early stages. To me, first dates aren't exciting; they're just plain awkward and nerve-racking.

I have tried everything to change my outlook on dating, but I still go into every first date with the same enthusiasm as I'd have for a root canal. I truly want a partner in life, but I hate first dates so much I Googled, "Is arranged marriage for me?" Please, do you have any tips for how to have a more positive outlook on dating? -- HATES DATING IN MARYLAND

DEAR HATES DATING: As a matter of fact, I do. I don't know what kind of first dates you are having, but it might benefit you to make them more casual -- a lunch, a coffee, a movie or some other entertainment, so a conversation won't become a third degree. Rather than stress, if you regard a first date as a chance to make a new friend rather than an audition for a life partner, you might enjoy it more and so would your date.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned because there is tension in my family and I don't know how to resolve it. I'm 30. In the past, I've had anger issues that may have alienated some family members. I've worked on them and I think I've gotten better in recent years, but I'm still not perfect.

What concerns me is I think one of my brothers might be harboring resentment toward me, but he won't say so directly. I feel bad about the things I've done wrong and I'm willing to do what I can to make up for them, but I don't know how to do that if people won't communicate with me. How can I make things right and show my family I really do care? -- LOST IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOST: It seems you may not be the only person in your family with unresolved anger issues. People handle their emotions in different ways. While you were overt in demonstrating your anger, your brother is the opposite. He demonstrates his anger with passive-aggression.

Show your family you care by continuing to work on your issues. Apologize to anyone you hurt and offer to make amends. Do the same with this brother in a written message, if necessary. After that, if he still refuses to communicate, recognize that the problem is his and stop making it your own.

DEAR ABBY: A friend brought a birthday cake to the restaurant where we were all meeting, and served it after the meal. I voiced my concern that it wasn't fair to the restaurant, since we used extra tableware and dishes for the cake, and deprived them of a possible dessert order. Is what she did acceptable? Or was I out of line to say something? (We left a large tip.) -- NO DESSERT

DEAR NO DESSERT: If your comments dampened the joy of the occasion, you should have kept your mouth shut. Bringing a cake to a restaurant for a special occasion happens often. However, the polite way to handle it is to first check with the restaurant to be sure they don't have a policy against it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a wonderful man. We've been married 31 years and have been retired for the past six. He takes care of most of the housework, and I work at a part-time job. We have no children or nearby relatives. We are pretty much all we have to depend upon.

My only complaint is something that has driven me crazy for years now, and I need your advice. When a certain political candidate was elected, my good-looking husband decided to grow out his hair and beard in protest. I let it slide, but he knew how I felt about it. I figured it would last only a few years. Well, that politician has been out of office quite a while now, and my husband still looks like Tim Allen in "The Santa Clause." He looks like he's indigent. It's so embarrassing, I don't want to be seen with him. This is a man who was very good looking.

I have begged, pleaded, nagged (his term) and kept quiet, hoping he would surprise me with a haircut. Nothing. I even tried insulting him, telling him his credibility was trash because, obviously, this has nothing to do with his "protest." I am ready to leave. The last straw was when he started quoting Howard Hughes. Do you think my husband has lost it? Because I'm about to. -- EMBARRASSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: A marriage to someone you can no longer stand to be near isn't much of a marriage.

If your husband is quoting Howard Hughes, you know his long-term memory is intact. However, it may be time for you to make an appointment for the two of you for your annual checkups. When you do, relate your concerns to the doctor in advance. If it turns out that your husband's mental status is normal (although, who knows what is "normal" these days), you may have to issue your hairy hubby an ultimatum. A word of warning though: Do NOT issue one unless you are serious about following through.

DEAR ABBY: My 33-year-old son, "Brett," and his wife bought a new house and had their fence painted. Brett was proud of it. He texted a picture of the fence to my husband -- his dad -- and asked what he thought of it. My husband hated the color and told him it was terrible. The blunt honesty didn't go over well with Brett, who told his dad, "Couldn't you just have said to me, 'If you like it, that's all that matters. If you're happy, I'm happy'?" But my husband kept pushing that he hated it, and the color he had chosen was a terrible mistake. Well, Brett hung up on him.

I forced my husband to call back and say what our son wanted to hear and smooth things over. He did it reluctantly, but still thinks he was right and that Brett acted like a baby. He insists he was "just being honest." What do you think -- is honesty always the best policy? -- HURT FEELINGS

DEAR HURT: Honesty isn't "the best policy" when it is used to bludgeon someone, in which case, it becomes just plain cruel.

Your husband's behavior was out of line. Diplomacy seems to be a skill he hasn't mastered.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my husband for eight years, married for one. Before our marriage, it was just the two of us doing everything together. He has a strong distrust of people, and doesn't have any friends. We moved to a bigger city where I found a better job and made new friends. I go out with them occasionally, but when I do, he is very rude and snide to me. When I ask him why he's mad if I go out with my friends, he says, "It's always been me and you, no one else." We fight every time I go out. I'm tired of all of it. Do you have advice for me? -- SICK OF EXPLAINING

DEAR SICK: Yes. Recognize that you married an antisocial, deeply insecure and verbally abusive man. He views any relationship you have with someone other than him as a threat, so he is punishing you for it. Also, recognize that his anger and his need to control you will only escalate. You may be "sick of explaining," but your husband is sick, period. I'm advising you to make a discreet call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) because, at some point, you may need a safe escape plan.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend, a stalwart and loving partner, for seven years. He proposed recently and, of course, I said yes! My brother lives in a large city, and because I had attended their church, I asked him if we could be married there. Now he and his wife need to talk to us in person to assure the ministers that my fiance and I are "evenly yoked" and willing to make a public proclamation of our faith.

My fiance is not religious. He is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy and says he's willing to "take the hit" for me, but I can't stand the idea of seeing him uncomfortable on a day that should be a happy one. How can I back out of this situation without alienating my brother, who is the only immediate family I have left? -- CRINGING IN COLORADO

DEAR CRINGING: Thank your brother and his wife warmly for their willingness to help you and your fiance, but explain that the two of you feel a smaller wedding would be more appropriate, so you have decided to elope. Many couples do this, and it shouldn't result in a family feud.

DEAR ABBY: This is the time of year when the leaves begin to change into their fall colors. It is also when the media refers to the people who come to look at those colorful leaves as "leaf peepers."

I don't know how the term came about, but trust me, no one is walking around peeping like baby chicks. The correct term is "leaf peekers." A teacher I once had explained it to our class this way: "This is the time of year when the tourists arrive to take a peek at our leaves when the colors are at their peak." Just wanted to share, Abby. -- JAY IN BENNINGTON, VT

DEAR JAY: Live and learn. Thank you for explaining it to this dumb cluck.