DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 41 years, married for 30, but we lived together for five years before we tied the knot. I have just learned he has a son who is two months younger than our son. The mother is a woman he slept with while I was pregnant with our first child. She put the baby up for adoption, and the young man has just reached out to my daughter. My husband claims he didn't find out about the child until after he was relinquished, and he didn't believe the woman ever really gave birth.

I am devastated. I feel like my entire marriage to him has been a lie. He says after we were married 31 years ago, he never cheated on me, and I should move past it. What do you think I should do? -- UNABLE TO LET IT GO

DEAR UNABLE: You have my sympathy. I agree with your husband that you need to move past this, but that doesn't mean you should forget it. Solid marriages are based on trust, and yours has understandably been shattered.

If his behavior since your wedding has been as exemplary as he claims, you should be able to review his financial records and see where the marital assets have been going. He should also be willing to discuss this in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he is unwilling to do this, it is another red flag, and you should consider consulting a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I've been Christian all my life. When I married my husband 22 years ago, he was too. We raised our kids in the same faith. Well, he has recently decided he will no longer practice Christianity. I never would have married someone outside my faith. How do I continue in this marriage? -- FAITHFUL IN OREGON

DEAR FAITHFUL: I am sure this has been upsetting for you, and you have my sympathy. I would hope that your husband's recent change of mind is something you have discussed with him, because he may have his reasons for it. Because of your own deep religious beliefs, this may be something to discuss with your religious adviser. Some couples in these circumstances adopt a "live and let live" attitude, which means you follow your Christian path and allow your husband to follow his.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law emailed me Christmas lists for my niece and nephew. Abby, I didn't ask for them, nor did I request gift ideas for her children. In fact, I haven't seen my sister-in-law in more than six months. Of course I will be giving gifts to both my nephew and niece, but I think it was awfully presumptuous of her to just send a link via email. How can I respond to this in the future? Should I just let it go? Am I wrong in thinking that it was poor etiquette on her part? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Your sister-in-law may have been trying to be helpful, but I agree that what she did was presumptuous. Handle it by sending gifts of your own choosing to your niece and nephew. If you receive any more links of that nature in the future, do the same thing.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Scotty" invited my husband and me to see his new house. He made it clear, several times, that my sister and her husband, "Ian," are not invited because his wife doesn't like Ian. My sister and brother-in-law would have no problem if they never saw Scotty again, and I didn't intend for them to accompany us on this visit. However, every time I speak to Scotty, he reiterates not to bring my brother-in-law along.

I admit, Ian is a difficult guy to get to know, but I have known him for 40 years, and he really has a heart of gold. I think Scotty is being disrespectful to me by repeating that Ian isn't welcome. How can I resolve this in a way that won't result in not communicating with Scotty ever again? -- RELATIVE DRAMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR RELATIVE DRAMA: The next time Scotty starts on his rant about Ian, head him off by interrupting him and saying, "You have already told me that. You don't need to repeat it." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My dear husband died suddenly last year. It's been difficult, but I am blessed to have good friends and close family. The hardest part, however, has been the four-plus months it took to decipher his online accounts. He left me few passwords, and many of his contacts were uncooperative, some even cruel. Why should it be impossible to pay someone else's bill? I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a log or written account of passwords and usernames. It could have saved countless hours of stressful negotiations. -- LESSON LEARNED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LESSON LEARNED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. You are not the only spouse who has written about this very real problem. Sometimes the concept of a world without us in it can be difficult to comprehend, hence the hesitancy to share passwords. But death can come at any time, and, as in your husband's case, with little -- or no -- warning. Readers, it can spare your loved ones a world of unneeded stress to log those passwords and make sure your spouse, trustee or attorney can access them in case of emergency.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife of nine months makes a dental or medical appointment, she gives her last name as her late husband's last name. He died 10 years ago. Should I be disappointed with my bride since, before we were married, she said she would adopt my last name? -- NEWLYWED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEWLYWED: Why your bride would be hesitant to do this, I can't guess, but because it bothers you, discuss it with her before it festers. Informing health care professionals about a name change is fairly simple. All one has to do is inform the receptionist that a new name should be entered into the computer.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship (nine months) up until about a month ago. Without going into a lot of detail, the guy I was seeing ghosted me without any warning. We had a great conversation on a Thursday night, and Friday morning he blocked my calls, email, etc. I have no idea what happened.

The night before, I accidentally FaceTimed him (my phone was in my pocket), and his son answered. I thought he had called me, but apparently, I called him. Keep in mind I had never met his son the entire time we were together. This isn't the first time he has stopped speaking to me for reasons only he knows, but this is the first time he has gone this far.

I'm trying to move past it, but I'm having a hard time. Even though we dated for only nine months, I talked to him about everything, and we had such great times together. I want to understand why he did what he did to get some closure, but I don't know what to do. Do I need to just let this go? -- GHOSTED AGAIN IN ALABAMA

DEAR GHOSTED AGAIN: Your ex may have been upset because, until your FaceTime call, his son didn't know he was seeing anyone. I'm not a mind reader, and neither are you. You stated that this isn't the first time he has clammed up and given you the silent treatment. A relationship based on such immaturity and poor communication skills would not be healthy for you anyway. Stanch your bleeding and move on. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 85, lives under the domination of my 88-year-old father. After retirement, Dad has remained active and has taken up hobbies that fill the entire house. Mom was an award-winning photographer, but medical issues now prevent her from enjoying that activity the way she used to. She has always enjoyed music and had a keyboard she felt comfortable playing, but only when Dad was away. My father tends to be very critical, which is why I think she would only play in private.

Recently, thinking Mom no longer used it, my dad donated her keyboard. He said it was taking up space. Mom recently confided to me that she was devastated when it happened. I would like to purchase another keyboard for Mom for her birthday, but I don't want her to feel betrayed. I'm not sure if I should talk with Dad about it beforehand. He is sure to ask Mom why she wasn't more vocal about her feelings in the first place, thus putting her in an uncomfortable position. Do you have any suggestions? -- LOVING DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DAUGHTER: Have a chat with dear old Dad. Tell him what you plan to do and why. If he expresses puzzlement about why you're doing it, point out that between the two of them his is the dominant personality, which may be why your mother didn't speak up on her own behalf. While you're at it, suggest that the next time he has the urge to dispose of your mother's property, he should first ask how she feels about it. It may be a wake-up call he needs.