DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old man, married for 25 years. My wife is older than me. In the beginning, it was great, but our relationship slowly started failing, and now we argue about everything. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage. We don't have one single thing in common anymore.

I want a happy life with or without her, but I see nothing but darkness around me. When I ask for divorce, I get accused of cheating and threatened with paying her spousal support for the rest of my life. Marriage counseling doesn't seem to be an option. What should I do? -- WANTS TO BE FREE IN OREGON

DEAR WANTS: If marriage counseling "isn't an option," it doesn't mean you can't get psychological counseling to help you become emotionally stronger. While you're at it, it is important that you talk with an attorney about the divorce laws in your state. Once you have done that, you will be better able to decide if you want to "live in darkness" for the rest of your life, or what you may have to sacrifice in order to be finally free. You deserve to be happy, and frankly, so does your wife, who also appears to be miserable.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years refuses to come clean to me about his infidelity and cheating. I've given him countless chances to come forward, but he always denies it. I caught him with a girl who has been following us around the whole time we've been together.

Abby, I have done everything I could to get him to own up, but he doesn't! What should I have done or what can I do so my life can move forward and I won't have to worry about what he's doing? I'm heartbroken and he doesn't care. -- TWO-TIMED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TWO-TIMED: As you stated, you have been deeply hurt by your boyfriend's dishonesty, and he "doesn't care" about your feelings. He is who he is, and he isn't going to change. Obviously, one woman isn't enough for him. You have now wasted four precious years of your life -- time you will never get back -- on a cheater who lies consistently. Isn't that enough? Do what you should have done years ago and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a fourth grade student who is, let's say, good at math. I usually finish my math homework easily, but lately it's been piling up. The problem is, my classmates ask me for help a lot. I enjoy helping them, but sometimes it's hard to explain things, or I can't find the time to get my own work done.

The teacher is usually doing a math group with other students, so my friends can't ask her. Should I fall behind by helping my friends or focus on my own work and risk hurting their feelings? -- STRESSED IN IDAHO

DEAR STRESSED: You shouldn't be helping your friends to the exclusion of your own work. It is important for your sake and your friends' that you discuss this with your math teacher. She needs to know she should be devoting more attention to the students outside her math group who need further instruction instead of relying on you to do it. After your work is finished, lend a hand to the other students if you wish.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I divorced when our only son was 3. We had joint custody. Our marriage ended because of his binge drinking, secrecy, verbal abuse and one incident of domestic violence. At 14, my son chose to live with his father.

His dad and stepmother have now alienated him from me. He's 30 now and has had problems abusing alcohol and marijuana. When I see him, there is always underlying hostility. I love and fear for him, as any mother would.

I attend Al-Anon meetings and have made myself geographically available to him over the last eight years. He visits briefly, once or twice every six months. I have offered to go to counseling with him. He has a counselor but never invites me to come. I would pay for one, but my son says he's too busy to do more. Should I just give up? I'm afraid of letting go, but emotionally drained from the struggle. -- MOM WITH A BREAKING HEART

DEAR MOM: You have done everything you can to repair the tie that was broken so long ago. You can't fix what's wrong with your son. Whatever problems there were in the past, you have tried to deal with them the best you could. There is a saying in AA, "Let go and let God." For the sake of your own emotional well-being, it is time to do that.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We are now making arrangements to move in together. I consider myself lucky because every day my partner tells me I'm beautiful, that I am kind and many wonderful things. I know he adores me. However, he has not told me he loves me. Nor have I said it to him. Am I old-fashioned in assuming my male partner should tell me he loves me first? I'm getting impatient. -- GREAT GIRLFRIEND IN IDAHO

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: I have a suggestion. Before you move in with this man, why don't you simply ask him why he hasn't said the words you long to hear? From what you have written, he demonstrates it often. His answer may be enlightening and could affect whether you proceed with your plans.

DEAR ABBY: We live next door to a nice Jewish family, with three precious kids who seem to really like us old retirees. I had planned to make a Passover cake for them and had input on how to prepare kosher. However, I am having second thoughts. Should I send a card telling them I'd like to prepare something? Or should I go ahead and prepare it anyway? Or should I just send a Passover greeting instead? -- WONDERING IN TEXAS

DEAR WONDERING: A card might be the wiser way to go. Before you go to the expense of buying the ingredients, talk with the wife. Tell her what you are planning and find out how "strictly kosher" the family is. While some families would welcome your generosity, others might prefer not to consume something that wasn't prepared from kosher products and prepared in a kosher kitchen.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced single mother who has finally met someone. His name is "Greg," and we've been dating for two months. Greg is also divorced and financially stable. The one thing I really like is that he gets along well with my teenage son.

The problem is, every two or three weeks, Greg falls into a deep sleep that lasts three days. He'll get up for a glass of water or to run to the store, but goes right back to sleep. It causes him to miss work, and oftentimes he becomes verbally abusive during these episodes.

Over Christmas, I saw him coherent for only 10 minutes the entire weekend. When he wasn't half-asleep, he was calling me names, belittling my self-worth and telling me nobody but he would ever love me so I had "better stay." On Christmas Eve, I was left alone and crying in a dark living room.

When these episodes aren't happening, he's attentive and charming. His daughter told me he's been like this for years. I feel resentful about everything he's put me through in such a short amount of time, but I'm afraid I will never find someone else after being single and lonely for so long. Can I get your advice on how to view his situation? -- INCREDULOUS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR INCREDULOUS: Greg's behavior is not normal. Talk to him when he's conscious. Ask if he remembers what happens to his personality during these extended periods when he's "asleep." Tell him his rants are hurtful and verbally abusive. Ask what he thinks causes these episodes. Could he be having an adverse reaction to a medication or some other substance he's taking, because the person you're encountering isn't the Greg you love.

Greg may need to be examined physically and neurologically to ensure he doesn't have a medical issue. However, if he refuses, draw the line now and end the relationship because it won't improve without intervention. As lonely as you may be, please consider how lonely your future will be if you stay with him, and how damaging it will be to your impressionable son.

DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with a difficult co-worker? I'm kind, polite and courteous to this person, and they are short, rude and condescending in response. They are the type of person who wouldn't care if I approached them and told them my feelings are hurt, and probably would make fun of me behind my back. How do I deal with this person? It makes me want to leave my job. -- PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PEEVED: Does this co-worker treat everyone the way they treat you? If the answer is yes, then as a group document these incidents and inform your supervisor or employer the person is creating a hostile work environment. If you are the only employee getting the brunt of your co-worker's hostility, you will have to speak to your employer yourself. And if nothing can be done to remedy the situation, you may have to seek employment elsewhere.