Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 23 years. About a year ago, our 22-year-old daughter became suspicious that her dad might be having an affair. She found out it was true through his text messages. When we sat down as a family and discussed it, at first he denied it. He got upset to the point that he told our daughter to leave the house, which she did for two weeks. We asked her to come back after my husband and I talked to work things out and I took him to confession. We later all went away for a vacation together.

Some time has passed, and I looked at his phone and saw he's been at it again, this time with a 30-year-old woman who lives here, and another one in another state. When I told him I knew, he denied it. Recently, I've been going to counseling. I need advice. -- SUSPICIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: By now it should be apparent that your husband cannot or will not stop womanizing and lying to you. I'm glad you are seeing a licensed therapist, because you need to decide rationally whether the situation you're living with is one you are willing to tolerate. You should also schedule an appointment with your doctor to be tested for STDs, and one with an attorney to find out what your rights are as a wife of 23 years in New Jersey. After that, you will have a clearer idea of what to do.

DEAR ABBY: I met this guy online three months ago. He's the greatest guy I have ever met. He respects me in ways no other man has respected me, and I appreciate that about him so much. I feel like I may be in love with him, but I don't know if that's the case or if it's because I'm alone and vulnerable and want someone to love me back. I was never close with my biological father or my adoptive father, so some of this may be "daddy issues." Should I tell him how I feel about him, or is it way too soon? -- TAKEN BY HIM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TAKEN: It would be more prudent to wait until you are sure about your feelings for this guy before declaring your love. Slow down. Let the relationship evolve until you are sure about your motivations. If you do, he may beat you to the punch.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem. I'm 8 and I want a dog, but my parents won't let me have one. The last time we had a dog, I left the door open and it got run over. I feel really sad and bad about it, but I want another dog. Even though it was an accident, my parents don't trust me. How can I show them I'm responsible enough and I won't forget to close the door again? -- REALLY WANTS A DOG IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR REALLY WANTS: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Because you didn't mention how long ago your dog was lost, I will assume it is fairly recent. You might be able to regain your parents' trust if you begin accepting responsibilities at home. Do they want you to make your bed, keep your room neat, help in the kitchen or the yard? Shouldering these kinds of responsibilities can show parents you are ready for more ... like caring for a pet, for instance. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: For 50 years, I had a close career and personal friend I'll call "Ellen." She has been married a long time, but I know she and her husband have had some rocky patches. Ellen was with me through the tragic loss of my son and, six weeks later, my very ill husband. I couldn't have gotten through it without her.

After being alone for 17 years, I met a man in the construction trade. He has his own business and is a fine, intelligent, kind, considerate man. He took care of his sick wife, as I took care of my ill husband. He also lost a grandchild. He was married for 51 years; I was married for 28. We are four years apart in age and have a deep, abiding love and understanding for each other.

Abby, immediately upon meeting him, Ellen rejected him and abruptly ended our friendship! She thought, "because of my education," I should be with a lawyer or doctor. I recently married this wonderful man and let her know. No response. I was deeply hurt by her actions.

It has been six years, and I have other good friends. My husband's six children are lovely to me. Yet I remain puzzled by what Ellen did. I was so close to her, her family and her other friends. I'm not sure how she has explained my absence. Her home was a second home to me. We saw each other frequently. I regret I couldn't tell her family and friends this parting was not my choice. I may never understand this situation. Do you have any advice? -- PUZZLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUZZLED: As much as we might wish the opposite, not all friendships last forever. If you have described Ellen accurately, this dear friend was an elitist who judges people by a far different scale than you do. She may also have been upset that, after so many years of your depending on her, you were finally getting your emotional needs fulfilled elsewhere. I'm not a mind reader, and I have never met the woman, but, please, don't waste another minute looking backward. Enjoy the here and now and spend no more time dwelling on something you cannot change.

DEAR ABBY: When I was leaving work last Friday, I caught two co-workers in a passionate kiss. The elevator doors were just about closed, but I waved my hand and they opened back up. I averted my eyes before they realized I was there and jumped apart. Because I was in shock, I made some nervous small talk and did not acknowledge the elephant in the elevator.

My issue is they are both upper management and married to other people. I have no plans to "out" them, but I'm confused about how to interact with them going forward. I work with them on a daily basis as well as attend company parties, which their spouses usually attend. Any advice would be appreciated as my respect for them has plunged. -- SHOULD HAVE WAITED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHOULD HAVE: This is a minefield, so tread carefully and do not say a word about what you saw to anyone. Your respect for those two may have diminished, but it is vital -- for your own sake -- that your behavior toward them remain the same as it has always been. It may take a large dose of amnesia on your part to accomplish this, but it is what I am recommending.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Nadia," has been friends with another girl, "Kelly," since they were 8. Over the years, I have had my concerns about Kelly because she lies. She can also be very manipulative, and she hasn't always treated Nadia well.

Nadia and I have had numerous conversations about this friend over the years, and I have expressed my feelings about Kelly's behavior. Sometimes Nadia would acknowledge Kelly's wrongdoings; other times she'd get upset and insist I was wrong. Either way, she seemed to have great loyalty to Kelly.

Over the years, Kelly's mother, "Brittany," and I became friends and, over the last two or three, we have grown very close. I allowed it to happen because I thought Kelly had matured. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Meanwhile, Nadia has been seeing more clearly what a difficult person Kelly is and is pulling away from her.

While I'm happy Nadia has found healthier friendships, I am worried about how this may affect my friendship with Brittany. She tends to be defensive about her kids and will probably not be able to see how much her daughter has hurt Nadia over the years. Advice? -- MOM PROBLEM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MOM: I do have some. Stay out of it. It's common for childhood friendships to wane. By now you should have realized friendships cannot be forced. All it does is breed resentment. Unless Brittany raises the subject, avoid discussing it. Cross your fingers and hope that Kelly might not even realize Nadia is less available. However, if Brittany asks, simply say that the girls' friendship, like other teen relationships, seems to have run its course.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband has been incarcerated off and on for the last several years. The kids adore him and want nothing more than to spend time with him, even though I am the responsible parent who cares for them and provides for their needs.

I'm glad the kids are not angry with him, and I'm trying to be understanding about their need for love and acceptance from him (even though they are no longer young children). However, I can't help feeling anxious, angry and jealous because, in spite of his many poor choices, they prefer spending time with him more than with me.

He has always been an irresponsible parent, and it crushes them each time he goes back to jail. No matter what, they run to his rescue whenever he needs something, be it money, transportation, etc. How can I handle this in the best way for the sake of my children without causing stress on them and our relationship? -- STABLE PARENT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARENT: Please accept my sympathy. You have been forced into the role of the authoritarian parent, while your husband has adopted the role of loosey-goosey fun parent, which is how your children still regard him. It isn't fair, and I feel for you. But until they wise up on their own, there's nothing you can do about it. So try not to spend too much time dwelling on it. Live your life. When faced with a circumstance that's not likely to change soon, that's all anyone can do.