DEAR ABBY: I have caught my boyfriend looking at his mom's rear end more than once. She sometimes walks around the house in tight-fitting booty shorts that are so short you can see part of her butt. Sometimes he actually stares, which I find extremely disturbing. I'm not sure what to do. I have even thought about breaking up with him. We usually hang out at my house, but whenever we spend time at his house and his mom wears short shorts, I catch him. Please advise me on this. -- CAN'T UNSEE THIS

DEAR CAN'T UNSEE: Have you talked with your boyfriend about your observation? If you haven't, you should. If you are seriously worried that he's lusting after his mother, you should absolutely end the romance. No ifs, ands or butts.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister, "Fern," gave birth to a son three months ago. Since she returned to work, it seems like all she does is dump her baby, "Ricky," on others so she can sleep with her special someone. I watched Ricky a couple of times while they ran errands, even though they have someone living with them to keep an eye on the baby.

Fern works nights and her S.O. works days, but all I hear is that Ricky is getting watched by someone else. She's always in the parking lot at work 30 minutes before we open although she lives nearby. She also volunteers for extra work as often as she can. She has struggled with mental health and alcohol abuse, so I'm worried she may have postpartum depression.

I want Ricky to be safe, and I'd love for them to have a healthy bond. From the things she says, I'm worried they don't. I know for some moms it takes time, but she wasn't excited about her pregnancy or about giving birth. She's a first-time mom, so maybe I'm not giving her a chance. Am I just a nosy aunt, or is this normal? -- AUNT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR AUNT IN THE SOUTH: While Fern's parenting style isn't the same as yours, from what you have written, she and her significant other are making sure Ricky is cared for in their absence. This is why I think the answer to your question is yes, you are being a nosy aunt.

DEAR ABBY: Should vehicle charging be provided as an amenity to an overnight houseguest? When my family visits our vacation home, they have gotten into the habit of plugging in their hybrid vehicles when they arrive. They live only an hour away and don't "need" the additional range to return home. Their vehicles can cost about $30 to charge. Are they taking advantage of our hospitality, or is this the cost of having the company? -- UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNSURE: Does this happen regularly? If the answer is yes, and the cost of the electricity creates a burden for you, speak up and ask your guests to stop or compensate you. However, if it doesn't, then I would consider it a part of the hospitality I have extended.

DEAR ABBY: Every year my girlfriend and I take each other out for dinner on our birthdays and bring a gift. This year, even though I am currently experiencing financial hardship, I bought her a gift and offered her dinner.

At the restaurant, she ordered the largest portion of what she wanted. She stated it's what she always orders in that restaurant. I responded that she always takes half of it home, and that I had offered to buy her dinner for that night, not for two days. She got very angry and said I was ruining her birthday.

She then said she'd pay for her own meal. I declined her offer and paid, but now I'm wondering if I was wrong. She did pay for half the appetizer, which I didn't want or eat, and she left the tip. Should I have told her before we went out to dinner that I was on a tighter budget? Can our relationship be saved? -- LOSING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LOSING: Strong relationships thrive when there is honest communication. You and the Birthday Girl have been seeing each other for an extended period of time. If money is tight, you should have mentioned it long before her birthday rolled around. Yes, she should have been aware of it before you invited her to dinner. Because she wasn't, I can understand why she might have been put off by what she may have interpreted as a snide comment rather than a cry for help. Can your relationship be saved? Yes, as long as you two really start talking to each other.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 40s. I have reconnected with a girl I dated in high school. Things are wonderful. I have come to understand that she was "wronged" by other men more than once in the years in between. But I have also learned it was happening during our relationship as teens. I cannot stop ripping myself in half for not realizing it was happening and doing nothing to stop it. I wasn't damaged; she was.

I am hesitant to do anything that makes her revisit her pain, but it is something I can't let go of. I am not sure how I should proceed in the present, so that I don't let the past damage a future that seems so bright. Could you please give me a woman's point of view? -- CAUTIOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Understand that you and this woman were very different people when you dated more than 20 years ago. I suspect my point of view is similar to what you would get from a man: If you plan to proceed with this romance, the two of you should get at least six months of couples counseling from a licensed professional.

A lot has happened to you both in the intervening years since high school. There was nothing you could do to stop anything that happened. She was a willing participant in those failed relationships. Your future with her will be brighter once you know each other better as adults, which will involve frank communication on both of your parts.

DEAR ABBY: My husband often points out my flaws and shortcomings. For 20 years now, while I try to make changes, I find myself in the same place on most issues. He's increasingly impatient with me, and I get a daily rundown of what I should or could have done better.

I don't want to lose our marriage. He thinks of himself as a "coach." As he sees it, some of my most annoying habits are tied to my now deceased parents, who were displaced persons with no education during the Second World War. I understand his frustrations. I agree with him and want to be the best person I can be, but I'm often mired in sentiment for my parents and act and do as they might have.

I talk with a therapist, which sometimes helps, but I still feel tied to their old ways and can't seem to stand on my own feet as my own person. I'm at a loss about what to do. Thank you for any direction you can offer. -- STILL LOST IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR STILL LOST: Start discussing "generational trauma" with your therapist. The psychological and physiological effects of trauma experienced by people (e.g., refugees from WWII and other conflicts and genocides) often impact subsequent generations in that group.

When a couple marry, they are supposed to accept each other the way they are. Over the last two decades your husband hasn't done that. He may mean well by his "coaching," but from where I sit, it appears more like a never-ending stream of criticism. Rather than so readily blame yourself, please discuss this, too, with your therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged man. My girlfriend of nine months is the same age. I have been pretty careful in guarding against COVID over the last two years. Abby, my girlfriend showed up yesterday, obviously sick. The first words out of her mouth were, "I didn't tell you because I know you would have canceled the date." She told me she had tested herself for COVID and it was negative, and she just has "allergies."

As the day progressed, her congestion/sickness grew worse. When I discussed this with my adult children (who live at home), they were furious! We were supposed to celebrate Labor Day with a gathering at her place. I canceled it, telling her she has to be 100%. Should I have waited longer to start dating? -- CAREFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAREFUL: A less self-centered person than your girlfriend would have informed you that she wasn't feeling well and offered to reschedule your date, or left the decision up to you. She would not have shown up and risked exposing you and your family members to COVID. I am not advising that you should have waited longer to start dating. Instead, you should have chosen whom you dated more carefully, because this woman is dangerously selfish and inconsiderate.