Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker takes advantage of our employer's generous sick leave policy and calls in sick frequently. She will return the next day with no outward sign of illness and has, on several occasions, returned with a fresh haircut and manicure. When she's at work, she frequently steps away from her desk for personal calls.

I finally said something to our supervisor because I feel taken advantage of. Having worked in this office for more than 10 years, I know the work inside and out, so I can do my work -- and hers -- with ease. I actually like my co-worker, but I feel she's taking me for granted. Our supervisor had a talk with her, but it didn't help. Would it be unreasonable for me to have a frank discussion with her directly? I foresee that it may cause a cool reception, but I'm losing patience. -- CO-WORKER CONUNDRUM

DEAR CO-WORKER: It's not unreasonable to speak with this co-worker, but what have you to gain by confronting her and what do you have to lose? If it will cause a frostier work environment, don't do it. A better solution would be to stop doing her work for her. Having to face the consequences of slacking may give her an incentive to change her ways.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years is lovely and sweet every morning, but after drinking, which he does every day starting at 4 or 5 o'clock, his personality changes. I have to be extremely careful of every word I say or I will be the recipient of his sarcasm and/or anger, so I'm anxious and worried every evening until he goes to sleep, which, fortunately, is very early.

In the morning he expects me to be happy and cheerful as if nothing went on the night before. I have tried to discuss this with him, but it doesn't help. After years of this, I have become depressed and would really appreciate your advice. -- AT WITS' END IN FLORIDA

DEAR AT WITS' END: You are married to an alcoholic. Marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic would make anybody depressed! I can only wonder why you have chosen to tolerate this for so long.

The path toward a solution to your problem would start with locating the nearest Al-Anon meeting and attending some of them. If you do, you will find the support and help you are looking for. You can find a nearby meeting by visiting al-anon.org/info.

DEAR ABBY: I have a handyman doing work on my home. I noticed that when he uses the bathroom, he is in there a while and going number two. My anxiety levels are through the roof. Do I tell him anything, and what should I say? -- NERVOUS LADY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LADY: May I share a truism? When we gotta go, we gotta go. If your handyman leaves the bathroom in the same condition when he exits as when he goes in there, you have nothing to be "anxious" about. Be gracious, and when you need a handyman there will always be someone willing to help you.

DEAR ABBY: After 40 years of marriage, I just found out my husband has been having an emotional affair, in addition to an actual girlfriend he had 15 years ago. I forgave him the last time. This time, he has only said he is wrong, but he hasn't offered an apology, nor is he remorseful.

How can this be resolved? I have removed my wedding rings and refuse to go to his family gatherings. I have read that if he doesn't have remorse and ask for forgiveness, it just won't work. Moreover, he blames me for his poor, impulsive choices. Then he minimizes what he did and tells me I'm "overreacting."

How do I gain his respect? How do you convince someone how badly they have hurt you, and get them to make better choices? -- WRONGED IN DELAWARE

DEAR WRONGED: It may be time for some self-examination. Ask yourself what your husband may be looking for in these strictly emotional affairs. (I assume they aren't physical, or you would have written otherwise.)

If you want to stay married to him, put those wedding rings back on and tell him it is apparent that you two aren't communicating with each other effectively. Tell him you want to work to improve your marriage with the help of a licensed marriage and family counselor, and make an appointment. During those sessions, it will become apparent to him that you have been deeply hurt. However, be prepared to hear some critical comments about you from him. For many couples, this has healed an unhealthy relationship.

DEAR ABBY: It's been more than three years since I have spoken to my former best friend. We were best friends for nearly 15 years. The friendship ended when we were in our early 20s because she didn't like the men I was dating. I also didn't agree with some of the choices she was making, which led to some nasty arguments.

I communicate with her through social media as "small talk," but it feels like I'm speaking to a coworker. I miss my best friend. I saw her not long ago at a mall, and she didn't look like herself. I was worried for her.

My life has evolved, and I feel I have grown up for the better. I would like to share those experiences with someone I considered a best friend for so long. Would it be wrong to bring up the past? How do I share with her that "the past was the past" and I want to get back to where we used to be? -- LOST FRIEND IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST FRIEND: Call the woman, tell her you saw her at the mall and ask how she's doing. Suggest the two of you have lunch sometime to catch up. If she agrees, during the lunch tell her you miss the close relationship you once had. Do not mention what caused the chill in your relationship or the fact that she doesn't look like herself.

If she brings it up, listen and tell her you think you have both grown since then. I hope it works and you can patch things up, but do not count on it, because a lot of things have happened in both of your lives since the old days.

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. During this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I recently married "Joel," a man I love very much. While we have our differences, we are solid in the knowledge that we love each other and are in this marriage for the long haul.

Our wedding pictures just arrived and, after going through them together, I asked my husband to create a digital album to share with our family and friends, as I'm very busy with work. I just had a moment to look through the album he created and saw he had omitted a picture of my male best friend "Logan" and me hugging as Joel and I left the reception. It was a very special moment for me because I grew up with Logan and consider his family an extension of mine.

When I explained this to my husband, he expressed that he understands. I feel very hurt that this picture was omitted. Joel has expressed in the past that he isn't comfortable with me hugging males who are not family members. It has been a point of contention between us, and after a couple of long talks on the subject I thought we had reached a resolution.

Before the wedding, I found out Joel still had pictures of ex-girlfriends in his phone. When I confronted him about it, he said he kept them for memories but would delete them, which he did. Now that we're married I have noticed he brings up his past dating life a lot. I have asked him to stop, but he keeps doing it.

I feel like this is a double standard. I must distance myself from male friends, but Joel gets to keep his connections with ex-girlfriends. I don't know how to broach this with him because it is so early in our marriage. I could use some advice. -- UPSET NEWLYWED IN TEXAS

DEAR NEWLYWED: You and your husband are overdue for a serious discussion. There's a difference between mentioning one's past dating life and maintaining connections to those individuals. If Joel is staying in touch with them, he is employing a double standard and you need to talk it over. You may have to keep reminding him that talking about his past romances makes you uncomfortable and ask why he persists in spite of knowing it does.

The photo of you and Logan hugging at the end of the reception may have been omitted because it wasn't a memory of your wedding day that your husband felt was relevant. Now that you have explained its significance, ask Joel to add it if that's possible. But do it when you are both calm and relaxed so it isn't contentious and you can both clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I have been very good at adopting a no-sugar and low-carb diet. The problem occurs when I eat outside my home. At birthday parties, I am filled with anxiety around eating. If I say no to the sugary desserts, one of three things is guaranteed to happen: I'm accused of trying to be skinny, told the food is wasted because I don't eat it, or I feel guilty because I acquiesced. I find myself refusing offers to eat out because I dread the inevitable. What can I say to people so that they will respect my food restrictions? -- FOOD ANXIETY-RIDDEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR F.A.R.: All you have to say is, "My doctor recently diagnosed me with pre-diabetes and I don't want it to progress any further. So, no thank you!"