DEAR ABBY: I'm writing because I need some guidance. My 21-year-old son, "Dennis," is involved with a young woman he met in college. She is physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to him. Dennis is very intelligent -- a straight-A student, to be exact. We gave Dennis the best life we possibly could. His dad and I have been together for 26 years and raised him in a nurturing, Christian environment with strong family ties.
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When Dennis went away to college, it seems like everything changed. His girlfriend has notable mood swings, becomes upset when he is near family, is very disrespectful and the list goes on. Recently, I told Dennis she's no longer welcome to our home. Now he has distanced himself from us, which is hurtful because he has younger siblings. I want a close relationship with him, but I refuse to tolerate his girlfriend. Am I wrong? Please give me some advice. -- MISS HIM IN THE WEST
DEAR MISS HIM: Yes, you were wrong to "banish" the girlfriend because, although you were trying to protect your son, it drove him away from you and closer to his abuser. It may be time for your husband to have a man-to-man talk with Dennis and point out that his girlfriend's behavior could indicate that she has emotional problems. Normal people do not hit and verbally abuse others. He should also tell Dennis that you said what you did because you felt not only disrespected by his girlfriend, but also were afraid for him.
Whether it will get through to your son is anyone's guess, but since he and his abuser are in college and have access to a student health center, it could benefit both of them to get counseling. For Dennis, to help him figure out why he would tolerate being abused; for her, to help her gain some self-control.