DEAR ABBY: My 44-year-old son is a long-haul driver. His girlfriend has 14-year-old and 17-year-old daughters, who are both high-functioning autistic. My son thinks they should have chores because they need to learn to live independently. This is the biggest argument they have.

He says that they should be on the internet for only four hours per day, and that once they graduate, they will have to be on their own. They do nothing around the house -- they don't clean their room or pick up after themselves. My son has told his girlfriend that if they don't learn how to do it now, they won't know once they move out.

His girlfriend tells him he is right when he says, "You need to find another place to live." But she goes right back to doing nothing to help her girls learn to become independent. She receives child support for the girls and works part time. She doesn't think she should help pay for things "because he makes good money." But these girls are not his. They agreed when she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. What do you think of this situation? -- DISGUSTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your son's girlfriend promised before she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. She has reneged on her promise, and your son has allowed it. This woman is not only irresponsible, she's a terrible parent by fostering her daughters' dependence. When the girls turn 18 nothing will change, and he should expect to support the three of them until he finally has had enough of this arrangement. If you have shared your feelings with him and he has chosen to tolerate the status quo, then quit wasting your breath. It is his life and his choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old wife and mother, married for 23 years. I have never been unfaithful. I never even thought of another man until a few months ago. Then, boom! It happened. I have fallen in love with my boss, "Tony." He is four years younger than my husband, and he's married. When I told him how I feel, at first he was shocked and not very interested. Now he's had time to think about it, and he's starting to show some interest.

I am afraid of what may happen if he asks me out. What should I do? Should I go out with him? Is it possible to love one man and also be in love with another? I'm so crazy about Tony that it hurts. I think about him all the time and even dream about him. (I have been known to talk in my sleep.) When I'm making love to my husband, Tony's on my mind. Please tell me what to do. -- MISERABLY IN LOVE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLY IN LOVE: Gladly! Lady, you are playing with fire. Recognize that if you follow through with starting an affair with your boss, it's likely to end up hurting four people, including you. The odds are that your marriage will be history, and Tony could be in for a very expensive divorce.

Whether you continue for years as Tony's side piece, or he figures out that a dalliance with an employee is too dangerous, the person most likely to lose out, emotionally and financially, is you. If you are unable to regain your emotional balance, quit your job. If you are lucky, Tony may give you a good reference.

DEAR ABBY: I had pretty much an ideal childhood. My parents have never had issues that I ever saw. We went to church every Sunday, gathered with family often, etc. I'm now grown, and my parents are in their mid-80s.

Out of the blue, I got a message on social media from a woman who says she's my father's daughter from when he was 17 years old, before he met my mom. She found out through DNA testing. She is very nice about whether I tell my parents about her. Their health is beginning to deteriorate, and I don't want to stress them more than they can handle. At the same time, I don't know if it is right for me to withhold this information from my dad. I feel so alone in making this choice, so please give me any advice. -- SECRET-HOLDER IN GEORGIA

DEAR SECRET-HOLDER: Your father may be unaware that he fathered a child at 17. (Back then, an out-of-wedlock pregnancy was sometimes kept secret and the baby placed for adoption.) He should be given the information privately so he can decide if he would like to meet his daughter and whether, at this late date, your mother needs to know.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I began dating 2 1/2 years ago. We are in our late 50s. We moved in together four months ago and took out an equity loan for improvements on the house. Until we moved in, we were planning our future together, traveling and having fun. Once we moved in, however, everything changed.

Two months later, she came to me saying "something is not right." She says she loves me, she's attracted to me and doesn't want me to leave. She says I treat her like she's never been treated before, and I'm so good to her (her words). But I feel like I have been put into the friend zone. This usually happens after a couple of dates, not years. It's tearing her up because she doesn't want to feel this way, and it has me stumped about how to handle it. Is it cold feet? -- BAD CHANGE IN NEW YORK

DEAR BAD CHANGE: I don't know, you don't know and it is possible that she can't identify what's "wrong" either. Do not procrastinate. Get a referral to a licensed marriage and family therapist for pre-marital counseling. If the two of you do this, whatever is bothering her will be revealed. If she refuses to go, seek counseling without her. (I hope there is no prepayment penalty on that loan.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a friendly person who can get along with most everyone. I am petite in height -- 4-foot-8, to be exact. Recently, while my husband and I were at a social gathering, one of the male guests approached me and commented, "Who let a child in here?" I was not only hurt, but also offended at his rudeness. My husband is much taller than I am, and he has never mistaken me for a child. I'm tired of being judged for my height. Any thoughts? -- TINY BUT A TRUE ADULT

DEAR TINY: Was the guest who said it drunk? I can't otherwise account for his egregious breach of etiquette in making a comment about the appearance of another guest at the gathering. I hope you ignore his tasteless comment. (What a nitwit.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 37 years. We have a fairly good marriage. However, when it comes to communication, there's a lot of room for improvement. I would very much like to get a second dog. I'm home alone all day because I am on disability; I have few friends, and my social life consists of the time and attention I give my dog, "Rascal," a standard schnauzer.

We can well afford another dog; we have a big enough home, a fenced-in yard -- all of the things necessary for responsible dog ownership. The problem is, if I mention the subject, my wife gets very angry and immediately dismisses the idea without any discussion.

We don't discuss issues in our home. If my wife gives her thumbs-up, then it's a go. If she gives a thumbs-down, it's no-go. I don't think there's any reason why her refusal to get another dog should trump my desire to get one. Ideally, we should be able to sit down over a meal and collegially discuss the issue and base the decision upon what we mutually agree upon. Unfortunately, no such scenario exists.

I would appreciate any help you could give me. I would very much like another dog because having them brings me much joy and needed company. I don't ask for much. I don't understand why this is an issue. -- LONELY FOR MORE IN OHIO

DEAR LONELY: Your problem is twofold. One is acquiring another dog. The other is the imbalance of power in your marriage. I agree that important decisions like this should be shared, but that's not how things work between you and your wife. In your household, she has taken on the role of "alpha dog."

Unless the two of you open enough lines of communication that you can be heard, nothing will change, and you will grow increasingly unhappy. If you can afford a licensed marriage and family therapist, make an appointment to talk with one about this and any other issues you and your wife can't agree on. And I hope you are aware that you do not need her permission to get a second dog, if you are the person who will ensure it gets the love and care it needs.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law is with this woman, "Jana," who has three children. They call him Dad. I've no idea where the real father is. Jana is controlling, bipolar and a drunk. She doesn't cook or clean. His mother is sick, but he doesn't visit her because of Jana. They will be married in a few months.

No one in our family liked Jana from the beginning. We have reason to believe he doesn't love her and that he's just attached to the kids. We have tried warning him, but Jana is louder, and he hears her more than he hears us. I don't think we should go to the wedding. Should we let him go through with it and attend to support him? I don't want those kids to suffer if their parents are in a miserable marriage. -- OBJECTING TO IT

DEAR OBJECTING: If Jana is as bad as you say, the kids are already suffering. While I agree that it may be ill-advised for your brother-in-law to marry someone with as much baggage as Jana is bringing to their union, he's an adult and you can't stop him.

Whether their marriage will last is anybody's guess based upon how much pain your BIL can tolerate. But you should definitely go to that wedding, if only to show him you are there for him on that day and always.