DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old never-married woman with no kids. Most of my life was spent caring for my aging parents, working on my education (I have a master's degree) and saving for my future. I am financially stable. I own my house free and clear, own my car and have very little credit card debt. I have a good job I enjoy, a circle of friends and many activities. I took care of my parents because it was the right thing to do, and I was prepared for their deaths when their time came.

My brother (my only sibling) died unexpectedly one year to the day after my mother's passing. It was a terrible shock, and it has taken me the last two years to come to terms with his loss. My issue is with my brother's widow. We have never been close. There's no animosity, nor have there ever been any harsh words, but we never bonded.

My niece and I get along beautifully but, no matter how much I try, I can't seem to break through to my sister-in-law. She is very dismissive of my grief. She never calls and never asks about my life. She never visits or reaches out in any way. She's responsive and kind when I do, but the communications are one-sided.

I honestly wouldn't miss her if I didn't see her, but my loyalty to my brother and my desire to keep my niece out of the middle has kept me from distancing too much. Now that my parents and brother are gone, there are things I would like to pursue on my own. How much do I owe to her? -- FUTURE-THINKING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FUTURE-THINKING: Your brother's widow may have been dealing with her own grief over the loss of her spouse and unable to handle yours. Be cordial to her, as she is to you, but go on with your life and relationships. Remember her on special occasions with a call, a card or an invitation. If you and your niece have a closer bond, those things should come naturally.

You have handled the responsibilities life handed you with grace and generosity. It is now time for you to enjoy your own life and worry less about the lives of others.

DEAR ABBY: I recently left my boyfriend. He said he loved me, but I felt like a third wheel in our relationship. He had a female friend he was constantly borrowing money from, even though we both work. He also gave her relationship advice. They would bicker back and forth like 2-year-olds, and when we went places, they made me ride in the back while they were having a conversation I was never part of. He also cut me off every time I talked. When I asked him why, he said I talked about dumb things. Was I wrong for walking away? -- BAILING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BAILING: Wrong? NO! The man had no respect for your feelings or for you. For all of the reasons you mentioned, you are much better off without him. I'm glad you finally summoned up enough self-esteem to end things with the two of them. To paraphrase the late Princess Diana, there were three people in your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old. He does almost everything anyone in their 60s would do. However, he's used to us having dinner for him at the same time every night because he's very regimented about everything.

Frank gets everything taken care of and never has to worry about a thing. He pretty much keeps to himself. We have a coffee machine that's easy to use, but Frank expects to have his coffee at a specific time as well. He refuses to even try to make it himself, which means we can't sleep in even if we want to (we are retired).

I hate that Frank lives with us because it has caused a lot of problems between George and me. I feel trapped. If I have a disagreement with Frank, George takes his father's side, even when he's wrong.

We cannot financially have Frank in his own place, either. I own a third of our house (no mortgage). All three of us depend on our Social Security for household expenses, and Frank pays the insurance on the cars. I just feel that as much as I do for them, I should get some backup. Please let me know your thoughts. -- FEELING USED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEELING USED: If you haven't told George how trapped and unhappy you feel, you should. If you are the maid, cook and laundress, perhaps it's time he assumed responsibility for his father. Suggest he invest in an automatic coffeemaker that can be set for a specific time the night before Frank's morning coffee is expected. That way you can sleep in if you wish.

From your letter, it's clear to me your problems with the men in your life go beyond coffee duty. If you are truly unhappy with this arrangement (which, predictably, won't last forever), consider consulting an attorney or a financial adviser about how to access the money you have invested in that house so you can live independently.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I had an excellent relationship that involved a lot of partying. After I was injured on the job, I became addicted to painkillers, which resulted in a 20-year battle with addiction. Over the years of trying unsuccessfully to get sober, I asked my wife to slow down her drinking to help me get sober. She refused and, ultimately, our marriage fell apart.

We decided to stay together until our kids were out of school and, wouldn't you know, no sooner did we separate than I was able to get sober. I know it wasn't her fault I was addicted. I think I'm probably better off getting divorced, but I still love her, and I'm curious if you think we should end it or give it another try. -- SOBER GUY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SOBER GUY: To drink or not to drink is a choice. If your wife was unwilling to sacrifice imbibing in order to help you overcome your addiction, you were right to separate from her. Congratulations on your sobriety. If you wish to maintain it, follow through with that divorce. You have my sympathy. I hope you find someone more supportive in years to come.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law and his fiancee, "Shana," have been dating for five years. They have a beautiful son and have a date set for their wedding. I have been with my husband for four years, and married for about a year. We did not have a grand wedding celebration, just a simple city-hall ceremony accompanied by a dinner with immediate family. However, Shana is having the opposite.

She has invited my husband to be part of the wedding, but not me. I'm very disappointed because I thought we got along rather well and I considered us friends. Aren't the brother and sister-in-law supposed to walk down the aisle together in the wedding ceremony? That's how I have seen other couples do it. My husband also finds it strange that Shana wouldn't ask me to be a part of the wedding. After all, I've been part of the family long enough. What do you think? -- OVERTHINKING IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVERTHINKING: Your husband will walk down the aisle to his brother because he is part of the wedding party. No rule of etiquette decrees that because you are a sister-in-law, you must be a part of the ceremony. If you had a simple wedding for financial reasons, you can always renew your vows in a grand fashion. Please don't blame your soon-to-be sister-in-law for not making you a bridesmaid. Ask her if there's any task you could perform -- a reading, perhaps -- to be involved and useful.

DEAR ABBY: I work with my husband in retail merchandising. A woman on our team is a few years younger than I am and very touchy-feely with my husband. She whispers in his ear and stands very close to him. My husband says that may be just the way she is. I told him he is wrong because she doesn't do it when her boyfriend is around and she doesn't do it to anyone else. How should I handle this? -- UPSET IN FLORIDA

DEAR UPSET: Tell your teammate that from where you stand, it looks like she is hitting on your husband, and you don't like it. Then, tell her that if she doesn't stop, you will report it to the team leader or your boss.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter pledged not to have children until her mate proposed and they were married. Now, past the age of 30, she worries her biological clock will run out. Her mate says he's ready for children, but still hasn't popped the question, although they talk of marriage. It has been 10 years. What's a girl to do? -- BAFFLED MAMA IN OHIO

DEAR BAFFLED MAMA: As you and your daughter should have realized, talk of marriage can go on for decades and beyond. If her mate wanted to be married, the two of them would be. In this case, a 30-something "girl" who wants to be a mother after marriage should pop the question herself. And if his answer is no, she should move on so she can find a willing husband.