DEAR ABBY: In many ways, I am blessed. I have an amazing family, a great husband and a well-paying job that I enjoy. My only problem is, I hate myself. I hide my pain with humor (I'm pretty funny). I have some childhood sexual abuse trauma and have had a lot of counseling. I'm hesitant to blame my current issues on something that happened so long ago, but why can't I get my life together? I'm so happy now, so why is this dragging me down?

I combat my inner pain, stress and hate by eating. I cannot stop. I have gained so much weight it is hard to do normal activities. I am tired, disgusted and ashamed of being so out of control. None of my clothes fit. Every social situation is unbelievably overwhelming. I have tried diet after diet. Some work, but nothing sticks long term. I have removed all the mirrors in my house so I won't have to look at myself.

My family and friends are amazing, loving and supportive. My world would be nothing without them. How can I mentally wire my jaw shut so I don't shove every piece of food I see down my gullet? -- EXPLODING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR EXPLODING: You are far from the only person who has used food to mask emotional pain. There is truth in the saying, "It's not what you're eating, but what's eating you that may be the problem."

Two trusted organizations may be able to help you conquer this. The first is the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (rainn.org). RAINN has been mentioned in my column many times. When you contact this group, it could connect you with counseling tailored to survivors of sexual abuse and help you to deal with any lingering issues from your childhood trauma.

The second organization is Overeaters Anonymous (oa.org). OA is a support group for people who can't control their eating, based on the principles of AA. When you make contact, you will find them to be sympathetic and supportive -- there is no judging, weighing or shaming. It may give you the moral and emotional support you need to regain control. I'm rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: A lonely friend who lives several hours away wants to visit me for a few days. He keeps bringing up the subject of visiting while I try to steer the conversation in another direction. My wife isn't keen on the idea of someone she's not familiar with staying with us.

I don't consider us close friends, and I have never invited him to stay. I prefer he not visit, mainly due to my wife's concerns. Is there a way to get him to stop asking without losing his friendship? I suppose I could live without the friendship, but I don't want to hurt him. -- FLUMMOXED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Tell this pushy individual you and your wife "cannot accommodate" a houseguest. Whatever the reason may be, it's the truth. Keep repeating it as often as necessary.

DEAR ABBY: Our mom just turned 100, and she is in good health. I threw a big birthday celebration to honor this amazing woman. My brother and I were adopted as infants. She gave us a fabulous childhood, and we grew up to be responsible adults.

My brother, who's retired, lives 6 miles from Mom, but he never goes to see her or offers any type of help he is capable of doing. He thinks a daily phone call is enough. He didn't even show up to her birthday party. I live 40 miles from Mom. I leave early for work to spend time with her each morning.

My brother and I do not talk, so how do I get the point across that he needs to spend time with her? If I mention it to Mom, she constantly makes excuses for his behavior. What can I do? -- FRUSTRATED SISTER IN ARIZONA

DEAR SISTER: Although you and your brother were raised by the same woman, you are two different individuals. The pattern of how your brother treats Mom has been established, and because there is little time left, it isn't likely to change. You cannot control his behavior, so quit making it your problem. You are a dutiful and loving daughter. Leave it at that.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently retired after 40 years of working. My wife, who still works, thinks I should get up every morning and take her to work. We live in a big city where crime happens, so she doesn't want to take the bus. Uber and Lyft are strangers to her.

I tried teaching her to drive -- even bought her a car -- but she'd rather I take her. It's a 40-mile round trip. The traffic is crazy at that time. If I refuse, there are usually hard feelings. I don't want to do it every morning only to have to pick her up in the evening at major traffic time. What can I do? -- UNENTHUSED CHAUFFEUR

DEAR CHAUFFEUR: Uber and Lyft are more expensive than they used to be. Even if your wife were willing to drive herself, the cost of the vehicle, insurance and fuel would cost a bundle. Encourage her to ask if she could rideshare with a co-worker and repay the person for the gas. Even if it didn't happen every day, it might relieve some of the stress on you. Also, if she would be willing to take a bus to and from work on the lightest ridership day, it might make driving her more palatable. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I became "friends" with a woman recently who constantly feels the need to put me down. She criticizes my house decor, my hair, my makeup, etc. WHO DOES THIS? I like to build other women up. I no longer feel good being around her, but she's part of my larger circle. Please tell me how to handle this. -- HURT AND ANGRY IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR HURT AND ANGRY: In my experience, people who can't resist the urge to "improve" those around them with "helpful" criticism are insecure and trying to make themselves feel superior. The next time it happens, tell her that when you think you need her opinion, you will ASK for it. Then, to the extent you can, avoid her.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend takes care of my home when I travel several times a year. It involves picking up my mail, watering my indoor and outside plants and checking through the house for anything that might need attention in my absence. I return the favor for her each time she's out of town. I don't have anyone else near where I live who can do this for me.

The problem is, when she's here, she snoops through my things. I know because I keep things in a certain order (I'm neat and organized), and it's very noticeable when my belongings have been rearranged. It bothers me because it's an invasion of my privacy and just plain wrong. I would never think of doing this in her home. I have no desire to see her personal items.

Over the years of our friendship, this person has become increasingly possessive and clingy to the point that it's uncomfortable. I have overlooked it to avoid hurting her feelings. How do I handle this? Do I continue to lock up confidential paperwork and leave everything else for her to snoop through? If I tell her I'm aware of what she's been doing, I'm afraid she will refuse to help me out any longer. -- TRAVELER IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR TRAVELER: There are workarounds for your travel schedule. You could have the post office hold your mail until you return. Living in Connecticut, your outdoor plants are likely dormant in the winter. Inquire at your local nursery about wicking devices to ensure your indoor plants are sufficiently watered.

Because this "friend" can't resist pawing through your personal things, ask for your key back if she has one (or change the locks on your doors) and tell her kindly that her help is no longer needed. It goes without saying that any financial records should have been under lock and key to prevent prying eyes as soon as you realized they were askew. Please consider it, and when you do, reconsider the friendship.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going to an excellent hairstylist for a year and a half. The problem is she doesn't want me to have color on my hair. She wants me to let my hair go gray. I detest the idea. She keeps insisting it is "so pretty," and she won't let it go. During my last visit, she became almost combative about it. She said she had expected me to stop asking for color by now.

She colors her hair a beautiful shade of red. When I asked her about it, she said that "she had the right because she was born with that color." It is very hard to get a hairstylist who knows how to cut my hair. Why do you think this has become such an obsession with her, and what should I do? -- HATES THE GRAY

DEAR HATES: What you should do is take control. It is a hairstylist's or cosmetologist's job to give the clients what they want, if it's possible. Tell that nervy woman you do not want her to raise the subject of letting your hair go gray again because, if she does, she will lose you as a client. And then follow through.