DEAR ABBY: My longtime girlfriend and I broke up recently. One of the reasons was because we didn't agree on a definition of cheating. She met a friend through work whom I met once, and what I saw and heard during that interaction screamed he was a sleaze who wanted to move in on my girl. I voiced my concerns and asked her to stop seeing this friend, and she agreed.

A week later, she renewed the friendship, communicating through Snapchat. For six months she would have drinks with him, go places with him and have conversations with him without telling me. She swears they never did anything physical. I had seen the signs -- from time to time I'd notice she wasn't where she said she would be, the car would smell like smoke, and we were growing apart.

One day, I finally had had enough and we agreed to separate. Since our first day apart, they have been together. I have told her she cheated on me and I couldn't trust her. She insists she wasn't cheating and I should have been more self-confident and trusting. When two people's definition of cheating differs, what do you do? Who is right? -- WONDERING IN WYOMING

DEAR WONDERING: You are right! Your former girlfriend was sneaking around seeing someone on the side and lying about it. That behavior is the definition of cheating. Stop arguing with her, and be glad that the relationship is over and you are free to find an honest woman to love. I hope the two of them wind up together because they deserve each other.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband died three years ago. We have three grown daughters. He wrote in his will that I was not to be at his funeral, which was hurtful, as we had been married for 30 years. My two older daughters felt it necessary to abide by his wishes. This happened during the pandemic, so not much was done except his burial. He didn't remarry, but the woman he left me for was very much a part of all the planning.

My two older daughters are now planning a celebration of life for him. The problem is that they live out of state and they want to stay with me. I do not want to be involved in any of this "celebration" or even host them. Their relationship with their father during their growing-up years was turbulent because he was an angry person most of the time. Now he's their hero, which I also find painful because I was always their "protector."

Am I looking at this all wrong? What's your advice in dealing with this situation? -- SURVIVOR IN THE WEST

DEAR SURVIVOR: You had a long, unhappy marriage and a difficult divorce that involved another woman. You can't change the way your two older daughters feel about their "hero." Tell your girls they're welcome at your home any time they visit, but because there are so many unpleasant memories associated with this particular event, you prefer they bunk elsewhere this time.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her fiance are intelligent, successful professionals in their early 30s. Her fiance just informed her he was a sperm donor for a friend and his wife a few years ago, resulting in two biological children with one more on the way.

He never mentioned this to my daughter before. She suspected that something wasn't right because he would hide his phone (he keeps the children's pictures on it), and she finally confronted him last week.

He bonded with the children during the first year of their lives with frequent visits, then tapered off because the friends had become uncomfortable with his being around (the children both closely resemble him).

Her fiance says he hasn't seen the children since my daughter began dating him two years ago. He says he tried to put the situation behind him, but confessed that he misses them and didn't realize he would feel this way at the time he donated. Neither he nor the children's parents have legal documents in place, and they skipped getting professional advice, believing it would all be fine because they are good friends.

My daughter says she could have accepted that he was a donor and has children, but she is very upset that he hid it from her all this time. They are still engaged, but she has put the wedding plans on hold until they can get through this. They are now talking about counseling. She says her world has been turned upside down. My heart is hurting for her, and we are supportive of any decision she makes. Your opinion is very appreciated. -- SUPPORTIVE IN THE EAST

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: Your daughter is a smart woman to want counseling before she makes any visits to the altar. The man she's engaged to kept her in the dark for two years! I can't help but wonder what else he may be hiding. It may take time for her to trust him again -- if ever.

P.S. Her fiance and those friends should have consulted an attorney about his role as a sperm donor while it was still in the planning stages, if only to avoid any confusion in the future. It's not too late to do that now, and I strongly recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: As a baby boomer, I have filled out a DNR (do not resuscitate) order. I have been wondering, if something were to happen in public, how would first responders know? Strokes run in my family. How does a person make certain that this information is available? It's on file with my doctor, but he's not always available. -- PLANNER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PLANNER: Emergency first responders are trained to look for certain information when they arrive. You should have "In Case of Emergency" numbers (I.C.E.) in your cellphone as well as in your wallet. There are also medical I.D. bracelets and necklaces available. Because of your family history, you may want to talk with your doctor about getting one.

DEAR ABBY: In many ways, I am blessed. I have an amazing family, a great husband and a well-paying job that I enjoy. My only problem is, I hate myself. I hide my pain with humor (I'm pretty funny). I have some childhood sexual abuse trauma and have had a lot of counseling. I'm hesitant to blame my current issues on something that happened so long ago, but why can't I get my life together? I'm so happy now, so why is this dragging me down?

I combat my inner pain, stress and hate by eating. I cannot stop. I have gained so much weight it is hard to do normal activities. I am tired, disgusted and ashamed of being so out of control. None of my clothes fit. Every social situation is unbelievably overwhelming. I have tried diet after diet. Some work, but nothing sticks long term. I have removed all the mirrors in my house so I won't have to look at myself.

My family and friends are amazing, loving and supportive. My world would be nothing without them. How can I mentally wire my jaw shut so I don't shove every piece of food I see down my gullet? -- EXPLODING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR EXPLODING: You are far from the only person who has used food to mask emotional pain. There is truth in the saying, "It's not what you're eating, but what's eating you that may be the problem."

Two trusted organizations may be able to help you conquer this. The first is the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (rainn.org). RAINN has been mentioned in my column many times. When you contact this group, it could connect you with counseling tailored to survivors of sexual abuse and help you to deal with any lingering issues from your childhood trauma.

The second organization is Overeaters Anonymous (oa.org). OA is a support group for people who can't control their eating, based on the principles of AA. When you make contact, you will find them to be sympathetic and supportive -- there is no judging, weighing or shaming. It may give you the moral and emotional support you need to regain control. I'm rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: A lonely friend who lives several hours away wants to visit me for a few days. He keeps bringing up the subject of visiting while I try to steer the conversation in another direction. My wife isn't keen on the idea of someone she's not familiar with staying with us.

I don't consider us close friends, and I have never invited him to stay. I prefer he not visit, mainly due to my wife's concerns. Is there a way to get him to stop asking without losing his friendship? I suppose I could live without the friendship, but I don't want to hurt him. -- FLUMMOXED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Tell this pushy individual you and your wife "cannot accommodate" a houseguest. Whatever the reason may be, it's the truth. Keep repeating it as often as necessary.