Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together more than 20 years. Our relationship grew stale over time, and a couple of years ago, she decided to leave me. However, over the few years, even though she has had several lovers, we have started to get close again.

The problem is, I really love her and want her back as my girlfriend, but she sees this as a casual relationship, which leaves me feeling hurt. For example, she doesn't see a problem with having a long conversation with another lover while she's at my house. When she realizes that I'm hurt, she gets exasperated and says she feels like she has to "walk on eggshells" around me. Is it me? Is there a path forward? -- STRANGE SITUATION IN FLORIDA

DEAR STRANGE SITUATION: Your problem is you have allowed yourself to be put in the "friends with benefits" category when what you really want is an exclusive relationship with your ex. It isn't going to happen. If she's talking with other men while she's at your house, it means she's not interested in how her actions affect you. The path forward is one that's as far away as you can get from this person because your agendas are polar opposites.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow who recently became engaged to a man who, I'm realizing after two years, has a gambling addiction. He recently lied to me about his whereabouts, and I found out this same thing went on during his first marriage. I can't say for sure this was the first time he was untruthful, but I had a gut feeling.

We had developed what I thought was a good relationship based on mutual respect and trust. I could use some advice about what I should do going forward. He has become my friend and family since I have no children and have lost not only my late husband, but also a brother and recently my father. -- THROWN IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR THROWN: I know you are lonely. But if you love your fiance, continue the relationship as it is, and do not plan on marrying him. Realize that should you marry a person with a gambling addiction, commingling your assets could ruin you financially and affect your retirement.

If he has a desire to change, there are 12-step programs he could join, Gamblers Anonymous being one of them (gamblersanonymous.org). But please be aware that compulsive gambling is an addiction, and your fiance could fall off the wagon at any time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband texted a graphic nude photo of himself to his ex-girlfriend. I am shocked and hurt. Should I leave this man? -- CAN'T UNSEE IT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR CAN'T UNSEE: Yes, I think you should, because the naked truth is that your husband isn't finished with his former girlfriend.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since about my eighth month of pregnancy until now, six months postpartum, it seems like my husband is disgusted by me. He rarely initiates intimacy, doesn't kiss or hug me and barely touches me. I am still about 30 pounds heavier than pre-pregnancy.

When I ask him about his feelings for me, he says he loves me and I'm just being crazy, but I know I'm not. It sometimes feels like I am his babysitter and housekeeper. I know he is stressed because I stopped working, but it just seems as if he's always angry with me, and I don't know why. -- NEW MOM IN THE EAST

DEAR NEW MOM: You have described how circumstances have changed for you since the birth of your baby. What you may not be taking into account is how reality may have changed for your husband. He may be stressed because he is now the sole wage earner and is overwhelmed by his responsibilities as a new father.

Your instinct that something is different could be chalked up to that. Communication is so important between couples that it might be in your interests to suggest the two of you facilitate it with the help of a marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a tough time with people who video chat and play videos on their cellphones. It's always at a volume you can hear from 30 feet away, and it happens when I'm dining at a bar or sitting in a restaurant, etc. It's distracting, intrusive and really annoying. It's as if this behavior is now acceptable, when it's not -- at least to me.

Any suggestions on confronting this behavior, or is it really my issue to deal with? If I could toss their phones into the ice machine at the bar, I would. -- GROUCH IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GROUCH: In a restaurant, if the sound of someone's cellphone video is intrusive, ask the host to move you to a quieter table. If it happens in a bar, it may be because the more crowded the place it, the louder it becomes -- so either move to a quieter area or find a quieter venue.

While I agree that many people spend more time on their cellphones than communicating directly with the people around them, you can't change them and neither can I. So learn to tolerate it or, if it becomes too much for you, leave.

DEAR ABBY: My husband sneezes really loud and it's kind of embarrassing. What should I do about this? I told him he should see a doctor because it happens a lot. -- MARRIED TO A NOISEMAKER

DEAR MARRIED: People sneeze for various reasons, not all of them allergy-related. Your husband should discuss it with his doctor because the solution could be something simple. If he's unwilling, then earplugs might be the simplest solution -- for you -- if you can grab them when he starts going "Aaaaa ..." before the "choo" escapes.

DEAR ABBY: For more than five years, my son dated a young woman with a child. During that time, they lived with him. After they broke up, he was able to have visitation and shared parenting rights even though the little girl, "Paisley," was not his own.

I must say it was a benefit for the child. To this day, Paisley is still a major part of his life. For the last five years she has called him Dad because her mother doesn't want her real dad to be part of her daughter's life, and Paisley wanted someone to call Dad.

Fast-forward three years. My son found love again and ended up marrying a fine lady and mother of two. Their father is a very important part of their lives. They also, along with Paisley, all have grandparents.

My question is, since none of these children are my son's, what are these kids to me? I don't think they are my grandchildren, but my ex-wife says she accepts them as grandchildren, so I should do it and give them the same benefits that I give my three true grandchildren. Do I refer to them as grandchildren, step-grandchildren or just my son's wife's and ex's children? -- MIXED-UP GRANDPA IN OHIO

DEAR GRANDPA: Because these children are important to your son, follow your ex-wife's lead and refer to them all as your grandchildren. Treat them with love and make them feel special. The more love there is, the better it will be for everyone concerned -- yourself, your son and his blended family.

DEAR ABBY: I have a connection with someone very close to my heart, but I'm afraid our relationship isn't healthy. I'M the one who pays our rent. I'M the one who pays for all the food. And I'M the one who has to drive ALL THE TIME -- and, as you know, gas isn't cheap.

It upsets me because he also never talks to me. I do like his style. What I love most about him is he is always there to support me. He gives the best hugs! He has beautiful eyes. And I just KNOW he loves me! I love him SO much! But he gets so sad when I hang out with my friends without him.

I want to include him in our activities, but all my friends say that's "unrealistic." How dare they! I love him with all my heart, but often he just doesn't want to spend time with me. And I'm worried he's been cheating on me! What should I do? -- GIRL IN LOVE IN CANADA

DEAR GIRL: Your letter is full of red flags. Is this hugger with beautiful eyes employed? WHY are you paying for everything? Has he ever actually SAID he loves you? Does he have any social life of his own? You state that he gets "sad" if you want to hang out with your friends, but often doesn't want to spend time with you. Where DOES he spend his time when he's not with you?

If you suspect he may be cheating, listen to your intuition. You feel that way for a reason. Between you and me, you can do better than this. Start by finding a man who can pull his own weight and will talk to you -- AND gives good hugs.

P.S. If your "main squeeze" is a canine, please make sure he's chipped and neutered.