DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend of more than 30 years who has a bad habit of being extremely nosy. She says it shows she cares about the person. She asks about members of my family she has never met and why they made certain decisions. How can I politely get her to stop? -- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

DEAR N.O.Y.B: Asking questions may be this woman's way of attempting to prolong a conversation. Tell her you don't know the answers to her intrusive questions, and if she really needs to know the information, she should ask the person herself. (Caution: Do not divulge their phone numbers.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law are expecting their second child. Everyone is very happy for them. The problem is the difference between her in-laws' beliefs and mine. I was brought up in a family in which parties and celebrations were held at home. We opened our house to friends and relatives, everyone brought food and we celebrated the occasion.

The in-laws are substantially more well-to-do than we are. They celebrate every occasion at a restaurant, club or venue, with many people attending. My daughter has been a part of this family for years and enjoys the big celebrations.

The problem is, I am being asked to contribute half the cost of her upcoming baby shower. For the venue, bartender, fees, linens, table decorations, etc., my share comes to more than $900. Abby, I'm not in a position to do this, nor do I want to. My daughter is angry with me because I refused, although I did promise to buy anything she doesn't receive at the shower.

Am I wrong for refusing to take part in this? Or must I suck it up and come up with the $900 to keep the peace? -- SAD MOM IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR SAD MOM: Your daughter may be pregnant, but there are other "facts of life" she seems to have overlooked. One of them is that the kind of celebrations to which she has become accustomed cost more than you can comfortably afford to spend.

I assume there will be future celebrations in which you will be expected to participate. If that's true, then it's time to explain the obvious to your daughter, her husband and her in-laws: Their style of entertaining is simply out of your budget.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a shareholder in a small firm. The other shareholders do not like me. It's not due to performance or personality issues. It's because they are a cliquey bunch and I don't live in their city. I will be retiring soon. The tradition is to have a retirement dinner complete with speeches. Any speeches from them would be phony. As for me, a speech about the positives of being with the firm would be very, very short. I would prefer not to have a retirement dinner. What should I do? -- SHAREHOLDER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHAREHOLDER: Tell the other shareholders (nicely) that you know when a shareholder leaves the firm there's traditionally a farewell dinner, but you'd prefer not to have one and simply plan to leave at the end of your final day of employment. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Blake" for almost 10 years. Before we met, I was with "Kaden," the father of my kids. It was a loveless relationship. Kaden was mean and cold and often had angry outbursts.

My relationship with Blake started off as everything I ever wanted. He made me feel loved and appreciated. Ten years later, he, too, is cold. He no longer touches me (he watches porn instead) and makes no effort to show me love or appreciation. He's a good provider financially, but he thinks he doesn't have to do anything more than that.

I feel lost and hurt. I feel like Blake deceived me in the beginning, and now that he thinks I'm not going anywhere, he doesn't have to try. My self-esteem has suffered greatly. I have suggested counseling, but he refuses. Any advice will be appreciated. -- UNLOVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNLOVED: Because Blake refuses counseling doesn't mean that you couldn't benefit from it. If you go, your therapist can help you to understand why you have tolerated the treatment you have been receiving for 10 years and help you rebuild your sagging self-esteem. Counseling is the surest way to understand and break the pattern of your partner's behavior, learn what your strengths are and turn your unhappy life around. You deserve to be happy, so start working on it now.

DEAR ABBY: When I prepare for family to visit, I know I'll have to spend time with one relative who will repeat the same stories/facts/opinions ad nauseam. In the past, I have tried saying, "Oh yes, I remember you telling me that," but he just continues. He acknowledges me when I say that I've heard this one before, and then he keeps right on with the story. He does this with just about everyone, not only with me.

Must I participate in these conversations? It seems odd pretending I haven't heard the story, and telling him I've heard it doesn't stop him. He's been the same for the 30 years I've known him, so I don't think there are any cognitive issues. I'm not sure why he does this, or how important that is. My gut is telling me that he's awkward socially, inflexible and not interested in what others have to say. Any advice? -- TALK, TALK, TALK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TALK, TALK, TALK: When your egotistical relative starts one of his talking jags, wait for him to take a breath, remind him you have heard the story many times and leave the room. If it's something you haven't heard before, be grateful.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met this guy at a private event. We got to talking, and he gave me his social media information. We have been messaging each other ever since. He has been acting increasingly obsessed, and it's making me uncomfortable. He acts like we've known each other for years. I don't know how to tell him I don't want to talk to him anymore. What are your thoughts? -- RESERVED GUY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR RESERVED GUY: My thought is that because his messages are making you uncomfortable, you should respond to them slowly, briefly and then not at all. It would be kinder than ghosting him.

DEAR ABBY: My mom turns 85 this year. When my father died of congestive heart failure 10 years ago, our family had a clear understanding of Dad's wishes about the end-of-life care he wanted. We knew he didn't want "heroic measures," like a feeding tube or to be on a ventilator. Since Dad had been sick for a few years and he was open to these discussions, Mom felt confident making choices for his care when he could no longer communicate his wishes.

With Mom, it is a completely different story. She refuses to have conversations about this with my siblings and me, and accuses us of being "morbid." Although she has a will, she has made no decisions about a proxy or for her care. Do you have any suggestions for how we can help Mom feel more comfortable having these conversations and documenting her wishes? -- LOVING, NOT MORBID, DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Offer your mother resources that normalize discussions about end-of-life wishes and care. Helping to ensure that she receives the care she wants is not morbid. It is a gift to her and your family. If something happens to a loved one and they can no longer communicate for themselves, you should not have to guess what their wishes would be in a crisis.

Start with the perfect gift for Mom: "Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Life's End," a book written by Barbara Coombs Lee, the president emerita and senior adviser of Compassion & Choices. Compassion & Choices is an organization I have mentioned before in my column and to which I contribute. It offers a multitude of resources, including "My End-of-Life Decisions: An Advance Planning Guide and Toolkit." It would be a helpful starting point for a discussion with your mother. For more information, visit compassionandchoices.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced dad with two adult daughters and a 14-year-old daughter. My older daughters are learning to be responsible for themselves, and I'm proud of them. The question I need help with involves my youngest. She doesn't want to go to school. She stays awake on the phone. I have taken two of them from her, yet her mom keeps giving her phones. I have unplugged the Wi-Fi. I've tried talking to my ex about this to no avail.

I'm not perfect. I have said things I regret, but I have always loved my daughters. I have explained that my teen is pushing me away, but my ex doesn't care. My heart hurts. Must I just let go? -- HEART-HURTING DAD

DEAR DAD: Your ex-wife appears to be irresponsible in the care of your daughter. She is also attempting to alienate the girl from you. It is very important to find out why your 14-year-old doesn't want to go to school. Is she being bullied? Has she fallen so far behind that she's afraid she can't catch up? Did the COVID lockdown impair her social skills as it has many other students?

Once you know what you are dealing with, you may be able to do more than lecture her about her truancy, and that is what I am recommending. She may need counseling.