DEAR ABBY: I am being asked to donate to my grandchildren's fundraisers for school activities like band, cheerleading, etc. This is happening via email requests from a third-party site using their name. My issue is, I believe my grandchildren should ask me personally, or at least warn me they're raising money for their activity and I'll be receiving an email. Am I wrong to want a personal request? -- GROUCHY GRAN IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR GRAN: You are not wrong. However, this may be an instance of technology running amok. When you receive a solicitation like this, pick up the phone, tell your grandchildren it showed up and confirm it's legitimate. Make the conversation a friendly one and ask what's going on with them, and if you feel like contributing, say so. At the end of the conversation, remind them that you would love to hear about the activity before receiving an automated request for money.

DEAR ABBY: My son is demanding that I tell his father and brother to call him to apologize for past behaviors and attitudes that hurt him. He says if I don't, he will no longer come home for any visits. He lives in the East; we are in the Midwest. I have traveled alone to visit him, but it's getting harder as my car and I age.

His father had alcohol issues as well as mental health issues and was abusive, but has been sober for several years now. I have been in Al-Anon for more than 25 years and still attend meetings. I don't know how to respond to my son's demands. What's your advice? -- MEDIATING MOM IN IOWA

DEAR MOM: I don't blame your son for avoiding people who cause him pain. Tell him that an apology that is coerced is no apology at all. Part of addiction recovery is the requirement to make amends to those the addict has wronged or hurt. Your husband has not done that, nor has your son's brother. Continue to visit your son as long as you can, but do not allow him to involve you in this, because it won't work.

DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing "Ronald" for a little more than a year. He's nine years older than I am, and we don't really have a lot in common. He has feelings for me, but I don't feel the same toward him. He has helped me out a lot financially, and doesn't expect me to pay him back.

The problem is, I have met someone else. "Jack" and I have so much in common. We knew a lot of the same people when we were younger. He recognized me after I showed him a picture from my younger days. We both have feelings for each other. He's a year younger than I am. I just don't know what to do. Please help. -- MIXED-UP IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MIXED-UP: Be an adult. Summon the courage to tell Ronald that you have reconnected with someone you knew years ago, and you would like to pursue it. Explain that you are being upfront because you feel it wouldn't be fair or honest to keep him in the dark. Then thank him for his friendship and his help, and tell him you are grateful for the kindness and generosity he has shown you.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and I recently found out my father, who has been married for more than 30 years, is having sexual relations with other men. This man accused my brother of being gay (he's not), claims to be religious and sleeps next to my mother every night. I am not sure how to approach this because, honestly, I'm still in shock. My brother is furious.

We found a secret email address of Dad's along with messages to men he has been meeting. Some of them describe him bringing men over while our mother is at work. He tells us he is going to a store, to visit a friend in the hospital, etc., but we found out that he's really been sneaking around with other men.

Our mother doesn't know any of this, and it was an accident that my brother and I found out. (We were ridding his computer of a virus.) Should I say something to my father? How do I approach it? How do I forgive him for accusing my brother of being gay when it's him all along? Should I say something to my mother? How do I get my brother to stop being so angry at him?

I feel like I could go on forever with a million questions, but more than anything, I'm heartbroken, confused and angry. Our community and culture frown upon gays. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community because my generation is different and I have some close friends who are gay, although I don't tell my father because he says he thinks it's "disgusting." I am not sure how to approach this. Please help! -- HOLDING DAD'S SECRET

DEAR HOLDING: If attitudes were less judgmental, I am sure many more LGBTQ individuals would be more open about it. From your description of your father and the community you live in, he must be filled with disgust and self-hatred. It's not your job to assuage your brother's anger at the father who projected shame of his own sexual orientation onto his straight son.

I do think you should have a conversation with your father about what you discovered, and the sooner, the better. If your father has been doing more than "sleeping" next to your mother, she needs to be checked for STDs -- just as she would if her husband were sleeping with other women. Give your father a deadline by which he has to come clean with her (if she doesn't already know), or you will. Then follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently married, and I didn't invite several of my cousins, some of whom are quite dramatic. While I care about them, we aren't close, and I rarely hear from them. I don't regard a wedding as an excuse for a family reunion, so I chose to invite friends who are like family and who have demonstrated they wanted to be a part of my life. I'm now getting backlash from those who were not invited. Was it wrong to invite only the people I knew were genuinely happy for me and my new husband? -- NEW BRIDE IN TEXAS

DEAR BRIDE: If inviting emotionally distant relatives would have meant you couldn't invite close friends, you did the right thing. However, if you think the cousins who were excluded were distant before, you will likely find they may not only be distant but also absent in the future. Everything has a price.

DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, my relationship of 10 years ended. I discovered my boyfriend had been unfaithful on more than one occasion. He didn't want to fix the relationship, and I could no longer take more of his mental and emotional abuse.

My biggest hurdle is our children, who are 3 and 6. I have done everything for them since they were born. My ex and I verbally agreed on a 50-50 schedule, so I have gone from being with them every day to half that time, and I hate it. I miss them terribly when they aren't with me. My anxiety and worry have skyrocketed.

I want to do what's best for my kids, and I struggle daily with worrying if what I am doing is best. Is it best for them to be with their dad half the time when he hasn't been around much these past two years? I have talked to a lawyer, who said it's up to me since we were never married. Friends and family have told me to give Dad only every other weekend, but is that truly what's best for them?

I don't know what to do and feel so lost. It would be easier for me if their dad had only every other weekend. However, this decision isn't about me. How do I know if what I'm doing is best for my kids? -- MOMMY OF TWO IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MOMMY: The answer to your question depends on how involved with the children their father is when they are with him. Does he talk to them, read to them, make sure they are clean, dressed, properly fed and getting enough exercise? Is his home clean and smoke-free? If the answer to any of these questions is no, the children need to be with the parent who will give them not only the best of care, but love them and let them know it every day.

To his credit, your ex appears to be stepping up to the plate. And you are right -- this isn't just about you and your own needs. I applaud you for recognizing it.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my landlord asked me to move out of an apartment that I loved. I could no longer afford the rent, so I asked my son if I could live with him. He agreed without hesitation. Two weeks later, I packed up and moved.

At first, it was comfortable, but things started to change when I had emergency open-heart surgery. My granddaughter announced that she was moving in as well. Then here she comes with her boyfriend, expecting him to live there, too. My son refused at first but changed his mind. That's when the constant screaming started.

Her boyfriend has a bad attitude. He bullies me when nobody is at home. Neither one works. They live on my son's income. I'm running low on patience and strength. I'm 77. All I would like is to get better and have some peace and quiet. What do I do? Can you advise me? -- TRAPPED IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRAPPED: Because the stress is becoming too much for you, explain to your son what is going on when he is absent. Then start looking for an alternative living situation you will be able to manage within your budget. If it means renting a room somewhere rather than an apartment, be prepared to do it. Your health must come first.