DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 30s. I love him, and I'm worried because he has a "laissez-faire" attitude about everything -- especially his health. He has had high cholesterol for five years and has done little to nothing about it. He found out only because I kept hounding him for a year to get a physical.

To say I'm "concerned" is an understatement. When I asked him how he can be so complacent about something so dangerous, I got this blank stare and "I don't know what you want me to say." Or he says I'm being rude. I can't understand why this doesn't scare him. Should I try to force him to go back to the doctor and deal with this, or must I sit and wait for the consequences of him ignoring his health to happen? -- WIFE WHO CARES IN IOWA

DEAR WIFE: Try this: "I love you. But I'm worried sick about the state of your health. I need us to start being more health conscious because we are still young enough to do something about it if our lifestyle needs improving. This is why I am making appointments for physical exams for both of us every year, and I expect you to come with me."

Cookbooks have been written on the subject of heart-healthy diets. It may be time to incorporate some of these guidelines into your menu planning. If you do, you may feel less frustrated, and your husband may not even realize you are helping him.

DEAR ABBY: Last night, my husband and I were eating at a popular restaurant when the owner started talking to the diners at the next table.

The topic was bathrooms -- what people leave behind and cleaning up after them. The people he was talking to had finished their dinner by the time we sat down, so this subject didn't bother them. I got up, tapped the owner on the shoulder and asked if he could please talk about something else because people within earshot were eating. He took offense and said it shouldn't bother anyone. Then he ordered me to go get my money back and leave.

I sat back down to try to finish eating when he came over, threw money on our table, told us to leave immediately and not to come back! My husband and I were dumbfounded. We stared at each other for a moment, then left our plates and walked out.

Was I wrong? Was I overly sensitive or rude? We were brought up not to discuss bodily functions at the dinner table. If I had been the owner, I would have apologized and changed the subject. I am so offended by this. If I was wrong, I will send the owner a written apology. -- HEARD TOO MUCH IN INDIANA

DEAR HEARD: You do not owe the restaurant owner an apology. The man's reaction was over the top. Discussing what people leave behind in the restroom that needs cleaning up is definitely not a subject for public consumption in a restaurant dining room. I cannot imagine why you would want to set foot in that establishment again.

DEAR ABBY: I sent a fruit basket to a neighbor across the street after her brother's death, but I never heard from her. Should I ask if she got it? -- PONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PONDERING: You were thoughtful to send food. But give your neighbor a few weeks before asking that question. She may be grieving and not yet organized enough to begin thanking people for their thoughtfulness. If the eventual answer is no, contact the vendor and ask for a refund.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 44, and I have been dating a wonderful man for the last year and a half. He's 44 as well. He has a nice home and job and has 50/50 custody of his three children, who adore me. I'm good to them, and we all get along well, just like a family.

The problem is, he goes back and forth about marriage. I have made it clear that, although I have no desire to pressure him, I do want to be married again one day. I said I'd rather be let go than led on. He said he isn't sure, and some days he says he may never remarry.

The last time we talked about it, he said it's a "possibility," but he didn't want to be pressured -- it has to be his idea. How long should I wait until I say enough is enough? I'm not getting any younger. -- FIXED ON MARRIAGE

DEAR FIXED: When was the last time you had this discussion? You have described a man who is comfortable with things just the way they are. A year and a half is a reasonable amount of time to decide whether a relationship is serious enough to lead to something more.

Give him six more months, during which you do not mention the word "marriage." By then, you will have invested two years. After that, ask if he has made up his mind about the two of you being married, and if his answer is anything less than yes, move on.

DEAR ABBY: I have a family issue concerning the recent, untimely death of my only (younger) brother, who died of pneumonia in Georgia. His wife had him cremated the following day instead of having a funeral. She didn't inform his immediate family about it until it was over. Was that legal? And was it the right thing to do? -- NO FAMILY CLOSURE

DEAR N.F.C: Please accept my sympathy for the passing of your younger brother. When the sibling is younger, the loss can be particularly poignant.

When a married individual dies, it is legal for the surviving spouse to determine what will happen to their loved one's remains.

We don't know if the subject of funerals, memorials, burials or cremations was ever discussed between your brother and his wife. If you are wondering, rather than judge her, ask her. He may have expressed a wish not to be put into the ground, or he may have been cremated for financial reasons. While you are at it, ask if she's planning any kind of memorial. If she isn't planning anything, you may want to host one for yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: Do I give my daughter her baby book now that she's in her 40s? Does the same answer apply to a son? I just need to know if it's something a parent does. -- WONDERING MOM

DEAR WONDERING: Some parents give their children these mementos when they are downsizing their homes. Others offer it to them once they marry, settle down or prove they are responsible enough that it won't be lost. Of course, before bestowing such a gift, it would be prudent to ask if it would be welcomed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has, for years, felt the need to talk filthy and ask sexual questions of other women. It bothers me something terrible. He's upset that I ruin his "fun," and insists he isn't hurting anyone and that he likes being the life of the party. We have fought over this for years, and I'm exhausted from it.

I told him I don't see the need for him to do this, and he continues to tell me I need to quit being so unreasonable. I don't know what to do, and I'm ready to just give up. It doesn't make me love or respect him. I actually loathe him when he does it. Please help. -- REPELLED IN IOWA

DEAR REPELLED: It's sad that your husband would continue to do something he knows embarrasses you. You can't change him, so it's time to change the way you react to his outrageous behavior. Try ignoring him and distancing yourself when it happens.

It would be interesting to know how his questions affect the women he's asking. Do they consider him to be the life of the party or just a (possibly) drunken boor? Because you have already talked to him until you're blue in the face, start talking to them. Perhaps, if you present a united front, he will stop.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in a few months, and half of my bridesmaids recently colored their hair unnatural colors. Their new hair colors clash with the color of the dresses we've chosen as well as the overall theme of my wedding.

At first, it didn't bother me because I used to have wild hair, too. I get it. However, I was once in a wedding where the bride asked me to keep my hair a natural color for her big day, and I didn't have any issue with her asking. Now I'm wondering if that is the norm. I also know it costs an arm and a leg to color a full head of hair, so I'm afraid it would be awful of me to ask them to undo what they just did.

Because I'm new to the wedding scene, I feel like my bridesmaids should have run this by me first, since we have only a couple months left before my big day. Would it be inappropriate to talk to my ladies about their new hair colors? -- HAIR IN THE WEST

DEAR HAIR: I don't think it would be inappropriate to talk to your bridesmaids about your concerns. However, if they are unwilling to change, try to remember the reason you chose these friends. I sincerely hope it was for attributes other than their looks.

DEAR ABBY: How do I convince my liberal parents that my bisexuality is not a phase? I'm 16, and I just came out. My mom told me she'd "had a gay phase, too." I don't want conflict, but I'm also pretty hurt. How do I convince them to take me seriously? -- BI GIRL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GIRL: Your mother was not trying to hurt or diminish what you told her. In fact, she told you something important about herself -- that she, too, has been attracted to both men and women. Don't waste your time trying to "convince" her of anything. Live your life authentically and you will be just fine.