Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years works six days a week with Sundays off. For the last six weeks, my calls have gone unanswered from Saturday evening through Monday morning. He'd provide a lame excuse, apologize for the "missed" calls, and the next weekend, the same thing would happen. Long story short, he was spending time in a drug house on the weekends. He ignored my calls because he didn't want me to know what he was doing. He says it's "no big deal," he isn't doing it anymore and we should move forward as if this never happened.

My issue is, I no longer trust him or his judgment because I never imagined he'd do anything like this. Since he has, I no longer feel like I know him. What he did was deceitful and extremely selfish. Now he says I'm throwing away our relationship because "he made a mistake." To me, it isn't a mistake if you repeat the behavior over and over. He chose to do drugs, hide it and ignore me, and he didn't care about anything or anyone but himself.

Now I know, and I am not accepting the behavior. I believe he will do it again, so I'm separating myself from him until he can show me he's no longer doing those things. As for now, we are done. His words are meaningless. I'm not accepting his guilt trip that I'm ending this over nothing. Am I doing the right thing? -- TAKING A BREAK IN TEXAS

DEAR TAKING: Yes! A thousand times yes. Knowing he spent six weekends in a drug house makes me wonder if he was also involved in sexual activities. (Please have yourself tested.) Your boyfriend lied and disrespected you. He likes getting high and enjoys the company of people who break the law. You are doing yourself a huge favor by getting rid of him. Make it permanent. Bravo for you.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Lana" and her husband both passed away a while back. Recently, my son confided that he and Lana's daughter had an affair years ago that resulted in a child. We all grew up close and regarded ourselves as related even though we were not. Lana's daughter married someone and passed the child off as her husband's. I never noticed how much that young man resembles my son before. I always called him one of my grandsons in an unofficial capacity. He is grown and married now.

Since I learned that he is my biological grandson, I have ached to acknowledge our relationship. But I don't want to rock the boat and disrupt the family dynamic, let alone break my son's trust. Should I take this secret to my grave? After all, he already calls me "Nana." -- REAL TRUTH IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR REAL TRUTH: Do nothing without first talking about this with your son. Because of the popularity of DNA testing in recent years, your grandson may find out on his own that the man he was raised to believe is his father is not. This kind of revelation can be devastating to some individuals. The news would be better coming from your son than from you.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons in their 50s. My older son is kind, attentive and loving. The younger one, "Scott," is problematic. Both my boys were raised the same, although when they were in their early teens, I divorced their alcoholic father. At that point, I had to work three jobs to keep them fed and sheltered.

Scott constantly returns to the past and accuses me of never having time for him. He no longer speaks to me, which happens often and can last for long periods. His wrath is directed solely at me, and he accuses me of turning the rest of the family against him. He's negative and controlling, and the truth is, no one wants to be around him. In addition to posting hurtful things on social media, he now refers to me as the "ice maiden."

A close family member advised me to look up the definition of narcissism, and I was shocked to see the description of this disorder fits Scott perfectly. What I have read and researched about narcissism says "stay away" and only counseling will help. He refuses, saying it would be "too hurtful." Have I lost a son? Is this something I created? -- MOM OF A MONSTER

DEAR MOM: Please stop blaming yourself. If you have researched narcissism, you should already know that you didn't cause Scott's problem. Whether the estrangement is permanent, only time will tell. In the meantime, protect yourself by no longer trying to engage with him, and block his hurtful social media posts. You can't fix what's wrong with your son, and he won't try to fix himself because he's enjoying being the injured party.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. Due to my DNA results, I will have a double mastectomy sometime in the next few months after I finish chemo. I want to celebrate that it was caught early by throwing a "Ta-ta to the Tatas" party complete with crazy wigs, a boob cake and a round of slippery nipple cocktails, a week or so before my surgery.

One of my friends thinks the idea is tacky and she's firmly against it. Abby, she can't even say the word "cancer" aloud; she has to whisper it. Am I wrong? Is it tacky to want to affirm life and flout both fear and death with over-the-top, tacky humor? This kind of humor is how I deal with serious problems. If I can mock the problem, I lessen its power. For me, it's like celebrating Dia de Los Muertos, but in this case, it's my breasts that I'm losing, not my life. What do you think? -- PARTY MOOD IN MONTANA

DEAR PARTY MOOD: I think you are a brave and strong woman, clearly much more so than your friend. You are dealing with a serious challenge in the healthiest way possible -- by facing it head-on. You deserve to be supported by your friends in the months to come, but the woman you have written about is not one of them. She isn't emotionally strong enough to accompany you on this journey. Don't blame her, but DO disinvite her. Bottoms up!

DEAR ABBY: I moved to a smaller city from a larger one seven years ago. There are fewer businesses here. I often struggle to get home repairs done because people here operate on "regional time," meaning they get to stuff when they feel like it, if they feel like doing it at all.

Some of my home repairs had to wait nine to 12 months, in spite of weekly or biweekly follow-ups to check the status of repairs and parts. Often, I receive no response to my inquiries. What they call regional time, I call rude, inconsiderate and a waste of the time I must spend following up.

It's not like I can take my business elsewhere, because they realize they are the only business in town that can do the needed repairs. I have tried things like buying them lunch when they show up in a reasonable amount of time to thank them for their "outstanding" service, but it seems to have no effect on improving service in the future. Any thoughts on how to light a fire under their backsides? -- PROMPT IN CANADA

DEAR PROMPT: You might offer these tradespeople a generous gratuity if they show up in a reasonable amount of time and do a satisfactory job. Other than this, my only suggestion would be, in light of the emotional cost of dealing with these issues in a small community, to consider returning to the big city.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a married professional woman with three kids, a demanding job and responsibility for my aging parents. I don't have a lot of downtime. Really, there isn't any downtime. I'm barely balancing the things on my plate and caring for my family.

Other than them, I have few people I'm close with because I don't have the time or capacity to do more. I know I can be the bad friend who asks for more help than I can give, and I'm working on being better.

We have a new neighbor I like very much who has been trying very hard to make friends. She's invited me out twice and stopped by to chat several times, but I'm always busy. It would be lovely to have a friend in the neighborhood, but I truly can't make time for anyone else.

The next free evening I have is five weeks from now, and then only if I can find a babysitter. Is there a way to say to someone, "I'd love to be friends -- in two years when things slow down"? -- OVEREXTENDED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR OVEREXTENDED: If you can pause long enough for a 10-minute conversation with this woman, explain it to her as you have to me. Tell her you like her very much, but your schedule is so crammed right now that the first opportunity you have to get together is five weeks from now IF you can secure a babysitter. That way she won't feel personally rejected.

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a joyous, meaningful, healthy and safe Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY