DEAR ABBY: I'm a 41-year-old gay man. Although I was raised in a conservative, religious family, I'm out of the closet and proud to be living as myself. For much of my adult life, I have attracted mostly women. I have always tried to handle these situations with as much tact as possible. However, some women won't be let down easily. On the occasions when I have been forced to out myself to them, I have lost female acquaintances I really enjoyed spending time with or the friendship begins to deteriorate. I have tried introducing them to straight male friends and deflecting flirtatious banter. Am I confused, or do some women genuinely believe they can change my orientation? I don't want to give up on female friendships. Am I doing something wrong by being myself? -- OUT & PROUD IN THE WEST

DEAR OUT & PROUD: The women who are pursuing you for romantic purposes may be interested in you for that reason and be less interested in a platonic friendship. Years ago, a gay friend was kind enough to tell me, "You can't 'change' a gay man," and it was a lesson I never forgot. "Out" gay men can make great friends. That your female acquaintances are not open to it is their loss. You are doing nothing wrong. When this happens, express to the person that you are disappointed they seem unable to accept you the way you are, and move on. Not all women are this unenlightened, and many will welcome what you have to offer.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Chicago, where our spring and summer months are slowly contracting into a three-month period. I know you can't do anything about the weather, but the invitations to Saturday graduations and birthday parties are using up those long-awaited summer weekends to the point they have almost been monopolized. Working full-time Monday through Friday, I look forward to my weekends, especially in the summer, but I keep being invited to Saturday afternoon celebrations. I own a lake house. Some neighbors have boats, and I'd love to spend the majority of our weekends there. As much as I want to celebrate these life events, I also want to enjoy my summer. If they would have them on a Sunday, it wouldn't intrude on too much of the weekend. What is your advice? -- WARM-WEATHER LOVER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WARM-WEATHER LOVER: I have good news and bad news. First, the bad news: It is unrealistic to expect schools to schedule their graduation ceremonies on a day that suits your schedule. The good news is, if you send a nice gift to the graduate, it will assuage their pain at your absence. As to those family celebrations, you have some important decisions to make about which invitations you must accept in order to avoid causing hurt feelings. However, my advice is essentially the same: Send a nice gift and a warm message of congratulations along with your regrets that you are unable to participate in the happy occasion "because of a prior commitment."

DEAR ABBY: My husband looks at pornography. I find it disgusting and it turns me off. I feel that if he has to look at it, it means I'm not good enough or sexy enough for him. I don't believe his excuse of "It has nothing to do with you." When I try to tell him how it makes me feel, he becomes indignant and turns the conversation around to something he doesn't like about me to take the focus off himself.

He doesn't watch porn around me, but he gets pop-up ads on his phone all the time, so I assume he looks at it frequently. I have even seen notifications suggesting he belongs to a website where he can chat with women, although he says he has no idea why he gets them. I'm not stupid. I don't know anyone else with this kind of issue. I haven't been able to have sex with him lately knowing this is going on. I don't have plans to leave him over this, but what can I do? -- TURNED OFF IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TURNED OFF: Realize that your husband's appetite for porn really has nothing to do with your level of attractiveness, and everything to do with his own appetites. Next, and this is equally important, please seek a referral to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you to rebuild your damaged self-esteem. Your husband is far from the only man who enjoys X-rated entertainment. (So do some women.) And many couples view it together as a form of erotica.

The chat rooms, however, are another matter. Perhaps your husband can explain that to you during some of the sessions with your therapist. It might be more effective than him becoming critical and accusatory when you attempt to try to explain how his behavior affects you. Of this I am sure: Denying sex to your husband not only won't improve your relationship, but it will erode it further, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: Our only son, who is 32, and his wife are expecting their first child. They have been married two and a half years and relocated to Florida. We followed him down from Michigan because he's our only child and bought a home about 20 minutes from him. He informed me that he wants me to be the primary babysitter after the baby is born, but after being here a year, I recently acquired a new job that I really want. I don't know what to do. He expects me to be the babysitter. The baby is due in a few months, so what do I do? -- GRANDMA-TO-BE IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRANDMA-TO-BE: I am troubled that you used the word "informed" rather than "asked." Tell your son and his wife now that you won't be available for full-time babysitting, so they should start making other arrangements. If there is time in your schedule so you can give them a break, outline when it will be -- every other weekend, perhaps. Do not allow yourself to be guilted into doing more than is comfortable, or you may find yourself chained to a playpen until your grandchild is ready for high school.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Year of the Dragon, which begins today, is said to be one of the luckiest and most prosperous, filled with unprecedented opportunity. People born in the Year of the Dragon are creative, have a talent for active listening and are cherished friends. They are ambitious, intelligent and courageous. Famous "Dragons" include Bruce Lee, John Lennon, Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., Florence Nightingale and Joan of Arc. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I love my fiance, but his mother says, "Over my dead body will he move away from me." She has cancer and we have both been praying that she goes peacefully, but it seems all she wants to do is create as much strife as possible between my fiance and me. I am now ignoring calls and texts from her. Any advice as to how to deal with my fiance? He gets mean after three days at her house, fetching water, coffee and food (she is capable). Please help me reframe this so I can be nicer to a hateful woman. -- TRYING HARD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TRYING HARD: What is your fiance's mother's prognosis? Not everyone being treated for cancer dies of the disease. Does she think she's terminal? If that's the case, she may have said what she did because she's frightened and in pain. You state that she is "capable" of taking care of herself, but some of the treatments she may be receiving have been known to leave patients feeling tired and weak. Because helping his mother leaves your fiance on edge ("mean"), have you considered sharing the responsibility and giving him a break? And one final thought: If he's mean now, what does that bode for your own future with him?

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend of many years has developed a cellphone addiction that's driving me crazy -- insisting on showing me funny videos, memes or camera filters when we visit. I respond either with disinterest or a polite "I'm here to visit with you, not look at your phone." Some of her other behaviors are downright rude. She often shows up late, and I can clearly see she's been making frivolous social media posts while I'm waiting. On a group road trip, she will silently play a phone game, excluding herself from the fun. I know this affects her job, too, and I have tried advising her along that vein, but nothing changes. Is this a sign of a friendship growing apart or moving toward different interests? Or am I just a cranky Luddite who needs to accept the new reality? -- LOW-PRIORITY FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: The person you are describing isn't so much hooked on her phone as she appears to be hooked on herself. Keeping people waiting while posting to social media is rude, and recognizing it as such isn't being "cranky." I agree with you that the behaviors she's exhibiting are symptoms of diverging interests. You may be less offended if you see less of her.

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever too late to report abuse? I've spent years dealing with the emotional pain my now ex-husband caused me, but I never made a formal report. Lately he has been trying to get in touch, and I'm afraid. Last time, he almost caused me to lose my life. Should I file a police report or not? -- AFRAID IN OREGON

DEAR AFRAID: If you feel your ex-husband is a danger to you, contact the police and tell them you are afraid and why. Put the local authorities on notice, let them tell you how you can protect yourself, and follow through.