DEAR ABBY: I'm in a sexless 25-year marriage. It was not always this way, but any intimacy has been over for more than a decade. My wife's libido has waned, which I understand. What she does do is continually bring up issues about me from years ago as if they were yesterday.

I have my faults, like lack of communication and shutting down, which I have objectively thought about a great deal and tried to make things right. I'm not violent, I don't use drugs or abuse alcohol. She remains adamant in her distrust of me and punishes me by withholding all forms of intimacy.

We attended marriage counseling, where I listened to her and acknowledged my issues for redress. She, on the other hand, justifies her actions and behaviors. She has her own failings but doesn't want to hear how much her actions have hurt me. She also didn't listen to the counselor and will not hold herself accountable.

I feel so lonely. She thinks a lack of intimacy is fine for a marriage, and this is frustrating to me. I have brought this up to her numerous times, but she will not be moved. I could use your counsel on this. -- LONELY MAN IN GEORGIA

DEAR LONELY MAN: You tried counseling; counseling failed. Lack of intimacy (of any kind) is not "fine" for a marriage. Call an attorney and set yourself free.

DEAR ABBY: During my 30s (I am now mid-70s), I did some nude modeling for several reputable photographers, which resulted in some lovely portraits. A few of them have been framed and hang on my bedroom wall.

My family members are aware of them, but they are very religious (which I am not), so I don't know how to dispose of them. Should I try to sell them, and if so, how? Should I bequeath them to someone, or should they be left for my estate executor to deal with? What to do? -- PORTRAITS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PORTRAITS: Definitely discuss this with your executor well before the need arises. If the photographers are well-known, go online and find out if there's a market for their work. Offer the portraits for sale and see if there is any interest. You could also bequeath them to an "open-minded" relative or friend. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: In a response to "Ganged Up On" (Dec. 23), you stated that it is against the law to hit a child in California. It was in response to a woman whose mother-in-law spanked her grandchild. I was born in California and lived there more than 50 years, and I believe you misinterpreted the penal code.

It is not illegal to spank in California. It is illegal to use excessive force, or to cause traumatic injury when doing it. I don't personally believe that a child should be hit, but it is not "illegal." In fact, corporal punishment, not abuse, is legal in every state in the U.S. -- DENISE E. IN NEVADA

DEAR DENISE: Mea culpa. I stand corrected. You are not the only reader I heard from after printing that answer. Thank you for straightening me out about this.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a soft-spoken person. I work in a medical laboratory, and I am finally speaking up for what I believe in (after years of social anxiety and depression). At the last meeting, when asked by the manager for suggestions to improve the lab workflow, I spoke up.

Fast-forward to tonight. When I expressed some excitement about my idea, the site leader, a different manager, shot my idea down, saying, "It's not going to make a difference." This isn't the first time she has made me feel like my ideas are dumb or that I'm not intelligent, and I snapped. I asked her what ideas she had, and she looked as if I offended her, but she's done this numerous times since she came here. Meanwhile, she has her favorite person in the lab who gets away with murder.

Was I wrong for getting upset at her? I just feel like my suggestions go unnoticed or are scoffed at, but when another person comes up with something similar, she applauds them. -- HAD ENOUGH IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Blowing up at the manager may have felt good at the moment after years of silence caused by depression and social anxiety, but it was the wrong thing to do. That kind of behavior does not belong in a professional environment. Favoritism happens in many work environments, and it can be frustrating. If you can't find a way to accept it, you might be happier working at a different lab.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter has two children. She married a man who has one child, "Hayley." They have been married four years, and Hayley turned 18 last year. We have seen her only five or six times, and she seems uninterested in getting to know us.

The first Christmas, I went out of my way to give her gifts I thought she would enjoy as a teenager. The next Christmas, she didn't spend any time with the family, so I sent a gift home with her dad, but never heard a word from her.

Last year, Hayley graduated from high school and started working. Because we weren't going to see them at Christmas, I sent the other grandchildren gifts but did not include Hayley. My stepdaughter got upset because we left Hayley out. We explained that 1. She never acknowledges the gifts we send; 2. She is now an adult; and 3. We never see her. Are we wrong not to include her? -- PERPLEXED ABOUT STEPFAMILY ETIQUETTE

DEAR PERPLEXED: The answer to your question is yes and no. Hayley doesn't appear to be a "child" who is easy to love. She has certainly given you no reason to. However, in the interest of family harmony, it was wrong to exclude her entirely. Not knowing the young woman, it would be hard to know what she might have liked to receive. Next year, send her a coffee shop gift card with a sweet note so she won't feel she is being ignored as she has ignored you.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: At sundown, it is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: This is the third time I have received a gift of a political book from my brother-in-law! We are poles apart politically. It came with a message to "please read the book this time." He is expecting a book report and discussion of the book when he next visits.

He started doing this several years ago after my sister died. She used to keep him politically in check, but he has become increasingly obnoxious and emboldened. I have tried tactfully responding that I do not enjoy reading political books, that I do not approve of name-calling, that those who disagree with us are not "stupid" and we just need to accept our differing viewpoints.

There is no way to have a rational political discussion with him. I'm trying to preserve family unity, which is very important to me. My brother wants to threaten him to stop harassing me. My son and his wife suggested sending him things that reflect MY political philosophy.

What do you think I should do? I waver between anger and laughter. By the way, I sent him a box of chocolate chip cookies, which he loves, for the holidays. -- HARASSED IN OHIO

DEAR HARASSED: Your brother-in-law is not going to change. Unless you are willing to tolerate his political browbeating into eternity, return the book and "postpone" his next visit indefinitely. Continue sending him his chocolate chip cookies only if he agrees to quit sending you political literature. Family unity may be important to you, but your late sister's husband has distanced himself, and that is no one's fault but his own.

DEAR ABBY: I have been going out with a man who is nine years younger than I am. He's a musician who plays bass guitar in several bands. I am retired. I love going out dancing with him and being social with other friends. I met him at a social club a year and a half ago. He works during the week at a fast-food place. Some weekends, he goes away on gigs with the band. He's been married four times. (I have been married only once.)

My problem is, he never has any money. He is always struggling to pay his bills. I have invested in this relationship with concert tickets, hotels, etc. He pays only occasionally. I haven't even received a birthday or Christmas gift from him. I, of course, gave him both.

I think he's cheap. I feel sorry for him that he's a grown man and doesn't have his own place. I have taken breaks from him a couple of times because I know he's not going to change, and I need to move on. Please advise. -- ALWAYS HOPING FOR MORE

DEAR ALWAYS HOPING: The question you must answer for yourself is how much "entertainment tax" you are willing to pay for the pleasure of this wandering minstrel's company. You foot the bills for his and your entertainment because it is part of your "unwritten contract," and he expects it.

This four-times-married man has chosen a career he loves but that notoriously doesn't pay well. You know who he is. Have you spoken to him about your feelings on this? If you haven't, do it now. And if this arrangement no longer suits you, move on.