DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend, "Kevin," lost his wife three years ago. He's currently in a relationship with his niece (his deceased brother's daughter). Kevin is in his 60s; she's in her 50s. We find this disgusting and do not condone it. They are both from Portugal. Is this acceptable in other countries?

We have tried to discuss it with him; he said he doesn't care what we think. Kevin tries to plan things for all of us as couples, and we don't want to be in their company. Am I wrong? I have known his niece for several years, and I don't want to be unkind, but I just cannot be around them. His wonderful wife is turning over in her grave. -- SCANDALIZED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SCANDALIZED: This type of incestuous relationship is not specifically prohibited under Portuguese law, nor is it prohibited in the state of New Jersey. If you don't wish to socialize with this couple, you are not compelled to do it. Your husband can do it without you if he wishes.

DEAR ABBY: A childhood friend generously invited me to stay at his home for a visit. We had a great time. A few days after I left, he texted me that something expensive was missing from his home and asked if I knew anything about it. I told him I was sorry to hear the bad news and I don't know what happened.

He has now blocked me on all forms of communication. I suppose he thinks I had something to do with the missing item. I wonder if I could have handled the situation differently. Should I have perhaps offered to compensate him for at least part of the value of the missing item despite not being responsible for its disappearance? I don't want to appear to admit fault, but I'm sad that our friendship has apparently ended over this. -- INNOCENT IN FLORIDA

DEAR INNOCENT: If you offer to compensate your host, it WILL look like an admission of guilt. Don't do it. If you feel you must say anything at this point, write the person a letter expressing that not only are you sorry he is missing the item in question, but also that its disappearance has ended what was, to you, a treasured friendship. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a gun owner. I am not. My mother sometimes stays over and sleeps in his office, which doubles as a guest room. My husband tells me before my mother goes into the room to sleep that I should make sure the gun is safely put away, in case she snoops around and finds it and an accident happens. I told him that is HIS responsibility as a gun owner, not mine. I also told him my mother won't snoop in his workstation.

He continues to tell me to check it "just in case," and I repeat that it's not my responsibility. Who's responsible to check if the gun is properly put away, my husband or me? -- NOT MY TASK IN THE EAST

DEAR N.M.T.: You are both responsible to ensure the safety of your guests. Your husband's gun should be safely locked in a gun case to prevent anyone from shooting themself in the foot (or you or your husband if a bullet should accidentally go through a wall). Because your husband shirks his responsibility, in order to protect your mother, you should do it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a professional, well-educated adult who moved back home because of concerns about my father's health as well as having landed a much better job. As an extra perk, I've been able to save money to pay toward my student loans, as well as spoil my parents a bit as they grow older.

I recently gifted my parents (for the second time) their dream vacation. They loved it the first time and never imagined they'd be able to do it twice. Because my parents still have a minor child who cannot remain alone, I am choosing, as I did last time, to use my personal vacation time to babysit. My mother has been planning the details of her upcoming trip and has now asked me to take more time off work so they can have a road trip after their vacation.

Abby, I am already draining every bit of my time off for their weeklong vacation and will not be able to have a vacation myself until later in the year when I accrue more time. I know she's requesting this to make the trip more fun for my father. Although I am a generous and patient person, this has left me feeling almost speechless, a bit unappreciated and frustrated. Am I overreacting? Should I find a way to extend their trip? -- LIMITED IN OHIO

DEAR LIMITED: The answer to both of your questions is NO. Your mother apparently doesn't appreciate how generous you have been in providing these vacations for her and your father. If she wants to extend their holiday, she should make her own arrangements for your sibling to be supervised if she and your dad won't be available to do it themselves. Shame on her for trying to foist that responsibility onto you.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my darling wife recently. Her death was a shock to everyone. She was placed on life support for a short period while the medical staff performed tests to determine the extent of her injuries. When it became apparent that she would spend the rest of her life in a vegetative state, no decisions had to be made by her family or by me.

My wife had an advance directive in place stating she did not want to remain living in this condition. I was extremely fortunate in that no one in her family wanted to contest the document. As hard as it was for me to discontinue life support, I knew it was what she wanted. She passed peacefully, quietly and quickly.

Abby, please encourage your readers to make the time and make the effort to have an advance directive drawn up, whatever their desires may be. It was my wife's last gift to me, and I will be forever grateful for it. -- REMEMBERING HER IN ARIZONA

DEAR REMEMBERING HER: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. I appreciate you taking the time to share this important information with my readers and me. Your letter serves as a reminder that all end-of-life documents should be reviewed regularly to be sure they reflect one's current thinking.

DEAR ABBY: My niece, "Elle," and her husband, "Liam," have been self-employed for 20 years, but due to the economy, Liam decided to go into the workforce. He is now employed at a state job with great pay and benefits for them and their four children.

Our family is elated for him and his family, except Elle. It's unbelievable how determined she is to get her husband fired. She can't stand for Liam to be away from her. She fights daily with him, telling him he has "chosen a job over his family." They were always a nice family unit, but now Elle is destroying it because of the insecure, overbearing control she needs to have. It's heartbreaking to see, especially since their teenage kids are looking for other places to sleep due to the constant arguments.

I wish I could make Elle understand that this job means they will no longer be struggling financially, but she doesn't care. She wants to be near Liam at all times. The situation is awful. I can't believe they may end up in divorce court because her husband got a great state job. Your thoughts on this, please? -- HELPLESS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HELPLESS: I think your niece's insecurity and insistence on having her husband on a short leash at all times is unhealthy, to say the least. She needs professional help, and Liam should insist upon it. If she refuses, he will then have to decide whether the current status of their marriage is something he wants to tolerate for the foreseeable future and plan his next steps accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I retired six years ago and moved from California to Texas. I have two grown sons, and my husband has two grown daughters still living in Cali. My husband's oldest daughter (50) just came to visit along with her 10-year-old daughter.

On the Sunday they were to leave, my husband was to take them to the airport in the morning and leave me home to read my Sunday paper. Before they left, his daughter wanted a picture of all of us together. I told her I didn't want a picture taken in my nightgown, but she said it would be only from the neck up. I acquiesced, and she took the shot.

Two days later, former clients of mine from California posted on Facebook how glad they were to see me look so happy in retirement. My husband showed me the Facebook posting of me from the waist up in my nightgown on his daughter's page!

I don't go on Facebook, I don't want my likeness on Facebook, and I'm not happy that after expressing my feelings about having my picture taken in my nightgown, his daughter put me on Facebook. Isn't it common decency to ask someone before arbitrarily posting their picture on Facebook? -- NOT HAPPY IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT HAPPY: I am going to assume that your husband's daughter didn't post the family picture on her page to inflame you. She may have forgotten her promise to you. Because this isn't the impression of your happy retirement you want to convey, ask her to take it down and hope she complies. If she doesn't, do not pose for any more family pictures when she's behind the camera.