DEAR ABBY: I have a 25-year-old niece, "Meadow," who embraces the hippie lifestyle. She's kind and sweet and loves everyone. She has also opposed "the Establishment." She's heavily tattooed and has several facial piercings and thick underarm hair.

My son is the complete opposite. He is in the business world and is very professional in his manner and dress. He's getting married in three months to a lovely girl. Meadow is invited because she wanted to come. My son is nervous about her coming to the wedding. He doesn't know Meadow that well. They were close as kids but haven't seen much of each other in adulthood.

My son is worried Meadow will wear an outfit that will display the tattoos and her bushy underarm hair. He's afraid she will be a spectacle, and her appearance will become the focus of the wedding and not his lovely bride. He's also worried someone will ridicule or comment about Meadow, and he will then have to defend her, causing a disruption. None of us are close to Meadow or feel comfortable with her appearance. How do we handle her presence at the wedding? -- CONFORMING IN CAROLINA

DEAR CONFORMING: Excuse me. Who invited this counter-culture cousin to the wedding? The time to have raised these issues was before the invitations were sent out. If Meadow is already invited, it would be terrible to disinvite her.

If someone comments on her appearance, I'm sure it won't be the first time she has heard it. If it happens, resist the urge to rush to her defense. Simply explain calmly that Meadow is there because she's family. (It's the truth.) As to her upstaging your son's bride, that won't happen if Meadow is seated at a distance from the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I've been regularly attending exercise classes that are offered with the membership at my gym. One of the classes I particularly enjoy is taught by a very good instructor who is friendly and welcoming. She makes a point of speaking to everyone in attendance.

I have noticed over the last few weeks she has become decidedly unfriendly toward me. She avoids speaking to me, even though she speaks to everyone else in the class. This has been upsetting, and I realize I'm becoming depressed about it. I am not aware of anything I have done to provoke this.

Should I ask her if there was something I did to offend? Should I say nothing and continue attending her classes? Or should I just join other classes that are offered at my gym? I occasionally see her participating in other exercise classes I attend, and sometimes we are in the gym working out at the same time. -- ALIENATED GYM GUY IN GEORGIA

DEAR GYM GUY: I am a firm believer in the adage, "seek and ye shall find." Because this teacher seems to have cooled to you and you alone, pose that question. Then be prepared for an honest answer.

DEAR ABBY: I am on a limited income. My younger sister, "Tara," is a medical professional with disposable income she spends on frivolous things. I have one son, age 13; she has three children, ages 14, 10 and 3. Tara and I live a few miles apart; our mother lives 60 miles away. My mother keeps my sister's kids every other week. She rarely keeps my son. I must bring my son to her; she drives all the way to Tara's house to pick up her kids and take them home.

I have "borrowed" a rather decent sum of money from my mother. She regularly asks me about paying it back. She spends a lot of extra money on food for Tara's kids because of their special dietary needs. Between that and all the driving back and forth, my mother has spent nearly twice as much catering to my sister as what I have borrowed in the same amount of time.

I feel this is very one-sided and that, for some reason, my mother cares more about Tara than about me. I also feel like my son is neglected by my mother. Am I wrong for feeling like this? Should I say something or just leave it alone? -- LOPSIDED IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOPSIDED: It appears you are jealous of your sister for many reasons. Your mother has the right to spend her time and money on whatever she pleases, as does your sister. I don't know why your mother favors Tara's children. Perhaps it's time to ask her why.

As to her request you repay the money she has loaned you, I suggest you work out a repayment plan starting now in the hope that it will improve your relationship with her. But if that doesn't happen, arrange for someone else to watch your son.

DEAR ABBY: When I met my husband, I felt valued. But ever since I got pregnant, he no longer considers my feelings or treats me as a priority. I have to beg for his support, but when his mom and sister need help, he is quick to help them.

The reason I married him was because he seemed loyal and dedicated to his family, and I thought he would be that way with us. However, during the last few months of my pregnancy I have felt ignored. He is not really excited about the baby, and we haven't bonded while I am pregnant.

I feel like I'm the last item on his list. I am slowly detaching from him. Even if things change when the baby is here, I don't think I'll respect him or have those love feelings anymore. I now see him in a different light that I find unattractive. Please help. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN MAINE

DEAR CROSSROADS: Before this goes any further, recognize that you have steered yourself to a fork in the road. The path you should take is the one that leads to your OB-GYN's office. Your doctor should be told what is happening in your head and in your marriage because you could be experiencing symptoms of pre-partum depression. Do not put this off. Your baby is going to need a father, and the further you distance yourself from your husband, the less likely it will be that they have one.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend, "Kevin," lost his wife three years ago. He's currently in a relationship with his niece (his deceased brother's daughter). Kevin is in his 60s; she's in her 50s. We find this disgusting and do not condone it. They are both from Portugal. Is this acceptable in other countries?

We have tried to discuss it with him; he said he doesn't care what we think. Kevin tries to plan things for all of us as couples, and we don't want to be in their company. Am I wrong? I have known his niece for several years, and I don't want to be unkind, but I just cannot be around them. His wonderful wife is turning over in her grave. -- SCANDALIZED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SCANDALIZED: This type of incestuous relationship is not specifically prohibited under Portuguese law, nor is it prohibited in the state of New Jersey. If you don't wish to socialize with this couple, you are not compelled to do it. Your husband can do it without you if he wishes.

DEAR ABBY: A childhood friend generously invited me to stay at his home for a visit. We had a great time. A few days after I left, he texted me that something expensive was missing from his home and asked if I knew anything about it. I told him I was sorry to hear the bad news and I don't know what happened.

He has now blocked me on all forms of communication. I suppose he thinks I had something to do with the missing item. I wonder if I could have handled the situation differently. Should I have perhaps offered to compensate him for at least part of the value of the missing item despite not being responsible for its disappearance? I don't want to appear to admit fault, but I'm sad that our friendship has apparently ended over this. -- INNOCENT IN FLORIDA

DEAR INNOCENT: If you offer to compensate your host, it WILL look like an admission of guilt. Don't do it. If you feel you must say anything at this point, write the person a letter expressing that not only are you sorry he is missing the item in question, but also that its disappearance has ended what was, to you, a treasured friendship. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a gun owner. I am not. My mother sometimes stays over and sleeps in his office, which doubles as a guest room. My husband tells me before my mother goes into the room to sleep that I should make sure the gun is safely put away, in case she snoops around and finds it and an accident happens. I told him that is HIS responsibility as a gun owner, not mine. I also told him my mother won't snoop in his workstation.

He continues to tell me to check it "just in case," and I repeat that it's not my responsibility. Who's responsible to check if the gun is properly put away, my husband or me? -- NOT MY TASK IN THE EAST

DEAR N.M.T.: You are both responsible to ensure the safety of your guests. Your husband's gun should be safely locked in a gun case to prevent anyone from shooting themself in the foot (or you or your husband if a bullet should accidentally go through a wall). Because your husband shirks his responsibility, in order to protect your mother, you should do it.