DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 30 years. It was an unpleasant divorce because Dad had an affair with a woman he worked with and married her soon after. Mom was devastated. She and Dad were high school sweethearts.

Both have moved on from this -- sort of. Dad has since divorced, remarried and divorced again. He's now with a woman he isn't married to, but who is wonderful to him. My mom remarried to a lovely man she knew in high school. But she still talks about my dad and how he hurt her.

I knew about the affair when I was younger and, as I grew older, I discovered there had been many more affairs with other women. Mom takes some responsibility for the divorce. She mentioned that she wasn't always "there" for Dad because she had young children and was tired.

I recently saw my father. He talked about Mom and opened up a new can of worms. He confided that he always wanted to be a "one-woman guy" and have one wife, but not only was my mom rarely "there" for him, but they also didn't have relations for the first two years of their marriage.

Both parents are getting up in age now. Knowing this and the continuous blame game, should I bring this up to Mom the next time she talks about Dad in a negative light or let it go? -- PULLED IN TWO IN FLORIDA

DEAR PULLED: If you bring up what your father told you, it will only stir the pot. Let it go. But before you do, tell your mother you know the divorce was hurtful to both of them, and you would appreciate it if she wouldn't discuss it with you further.

As to your father, he had no business discussing what he did with you. If he brings it up again, remind him that his marriage to your mother was only his first marriage, and you don't want to hear it again because it was inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: We have a couple we occasionally invite over for games and dessert. For the last several months, they have been asking me if the dessert I've made is from a mix. They are not joking; they are serious. I'm a good cook and baker. They've eaten here often and know I cook from scratch. I try to make something special every time they come. To ask if I used a mix is an insult and very hurtful.

I tried showing them the recipe for whatever dessert I've made for an evening, but it hasn't put the issue to bed. I invite them to our home less often because of this. If it were just me, I'd quit seeing them altogether, but my husband plays golf with the husband, and I don't want to mess that up.

How can I figure out why this started and get them to stop? If I get into it when it happens, it will ruin our evening. -- TRYING TO GET ALONG IN NEVADA

DEAR TRYING: Call the wife and ask her calmly and privately why she and her husband keep doing this. Remind her that she knows darn well that you prepare the food you serve them from scratch, and you are puzzled about why she has been implying that you didn't. Then let her explain.

After that, ask if she and her husband would prefer that, instead of you spending hours in the kitchen before their visits, you simply order pizza and a salad?

DEAR ABBY: I have a 25-year-old niece, "Meadow," who embraces the hippie lifestyle. She's kind and sweet and loves everyone. She has also opposed "the Establishment." She's heavily tattooed and has several facial piercings and thick underarm hair.

My son is the complete opposite. He is in the business world and is very professional in his manner and dress. He's getting married in three months to a lovely girl. Meadow is invited because she wanted to come. My son is nervous about her coming to the wedding. He doesn't know Meadow that well. They were close as kids but haven't seen much of each other in adulthood.

My son is worried Meadow will wear an outfit that will display the tattoos and her bushy underarm hair. He's afraid she will be a spectacle, and her appearance will become the focus of the wedding and not his lovely bride. He's also worried someone will ridicule or comment about Meadow, and he will then have to defend her, causing a disruption. None of us are close to Meadow or feel comfortable with her appearance. How do we handle her presence at the wedding? -- CONFORMING IN CAROLINA

DEAR CONFORMING: Excuse me. Who invited this counter-culture cousin to the wedding? The time to have raised these issues was before the invitations were sent out. If Meadow is already invited, it would be terrible to disinvite her.

If someone comments on her appearance, I'm sure it won't be the first time she has heard it. If it happens, resist the urge to rush to her defense. Simply explain calmly that Meadow is there because she's family. (It's the truth.) As to her upstaging your son's bride, that won't happen if Meadow is seated at a distance from the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I've been regularly attending exercise classes that are offered with the membership at my gym. One of the classes I particularly enjoy is taught by a very good instructor who is friendly and welcoming. She makes a point of speaking to everyone in attendance.

I have noticed over the last few weeks she has become decidedly unfriendly toward me. She avoids speaking to me, even though she speaks to everyone else in the class. This has been upsetting, and I realize I'm becoming depressed about it. I am not aware of anything I have done to provoke this.

Should I ask her if there was something I did to offend? Should I say nothing and continue attending her classes? Or should I just join other classes that are offered at my gym? I occasionally see her participating in other exercise classes I attend, and sometimes we are in the gym working out at the same time. -- ALIENATED GYM GUY IN GEORGIA

DEAR GYM GUY: I am a firm believer in the adage, "seek and ye shall find." Because this teacher seems to have cooled to you and you alone, pose that question. Then be prepared for an honest answer.

DEAR ABBY: I am on a limited income. My younger sister, "Tara," is a medical professional with disposable income she spends on frivolous things. I have one son, age 13; she has three children, ages 14, 10 and 3. Tara and I live a few miles apart; our mother lives 60 miles away. My mother keeps my sister's kids every other week. She rarely keeps my son. I must bring my son to her; she drives all the way to Tara's house to pick up her kids and take them home.

I have "borrowed" a rather decent sum of money from my mother. She regularly asks me about paying it back. She spends a lot of extra money on food for Tara's kids because of their special dietary needs. Between that and all the driving back and forth, my mother has spent nearly twice as much catering to my sister as what I have borrowed in the same amount of time.

I feel this is very one-sided and that, for some reason, my mother cares more about Tara than about me. I also feel like my son is neglected by my mother. Am I wrong for feeling like this? Should I say something or just leave it alone? -- LOPSIDED IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOPSIDED: It appears you are jealous of your sister for many reasons. Your mother has the right to spend her time and money on whatever she pleases, as does your sister. I don't know why your mother favors Tara's children. Perhaps it's time to ask her why.

As to her request you repay the money she has loaned you, I suggest you work out a repayment plan starting now in the hope that it will improve your relationship with her. But if that doesn't happen, arrange for someone else to watch your son.

DEAR ABBY: When I met my husband, I felt valued. But ever since I got pregnant, he no longer considers my feelings or treats me as a priority. I have to beg for his support, but when his mom and sister need help, he is quick to help them.

The reason I married him was because he seemed loyal and dedicated to his family, and I thought he would be that way with us. However, during the last few months of my pregnancy I have felt ignored. He is not really excited about the baby, and we haven't bonded while I am pregnant.

I feel like I'm the last item on his list. I am slowly detaching from him. Even if things change when the baby is here, I don't think I'll respect him or have those love feelings anymore. I now see him in a different light that I find unattractive. Please help. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN MAINE

DEAR CROSSROADS: Before this goes any further, recognize that you have steered yourself to a fork in the road. The path you should take is the one that leads to your OB-GYN's office. Your doctor should be told what is happening in your head and in your marriage because you could be experiencing symptoms of pre-partum depression. Do not put this off. Your baby is going to need a father, and the further you distance yourself from your husband, the less likely it will be that they have one.