DEAR ABBY: I am a happy, decidedly single woman with a large group of friends who are all married. Most of us grew up together, and all of us have been like extended family for the past 25 years.

This year, one of the wives lost three family members within three months. This has been devastating to her, of course, as well as to all of us as we watch her struggle to regain her footing in this new reality. I know firsthand the pain she's living with.

My problem is, she has started accusing me of having an affair with her husband. Nothing could be further from the truth! I'm torn between trying to remember she is angry and lashing out from her losses and being deeply insulted and angry at her.

I have done nothing inappropriate, nor has her husband. I am shocked that she could think such a thing. We see each other often, and I don't know how to treat her. -- FRIEND OR FOE IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRIEND OR FOE: I am concerned for your friend. Are you sure she doesn't have other emotional or marital problems besides her grief? That she would accuse you of having an affair with her husband when nothing of the sort is happening could be a clue that something is wrong ... with her.

Treat her with kindness and suggest that she should talk with a marriage counselor if she feels something has gone wrong in her marriage, because if it's true, it has nothing to do with you.

DEAR ABBY: Any suggestions on how to motivate a husband? We've been happily married for 35 years. Now he does nothing but read, eat and sleep. I'm not exaggerating. He started reading about 15 years ago when our boys were teenagers. He was an active parent, Boy Scout leader, baseball coach, umpire, volunteer in the church, got his masters, and took a high-energy exercise program, etc. But then he discovered fantasy fan fiction, free stories on the internet written by unpublished authors.

He now reads 16 to 18 hours a day on weekends, plus 10 hours each day during the week. He does nothing else -- no exercise, no house maintenance, nothing. When I asked if he's depressed, he said no, he's just tired and wants to relax. He has regular medical checkups; nothing abnormal there. His career is not high stress -- it's office work.

I cannot get him to socialize, and he no longer keeps up with his friends. All he looks forward to is retiring in about a year, but I don't want him to retire just to see him read more. This is making for a very lonely marriage. I am unable to motivate him to do anything. -- MOTIVATED IN THE EAST

DEAR MOTIVATED: It is time for a frank conversation with your husband. Ask him what he's using the fan fiction bingeing to escape from. Point out that the lifestyle he has adopted isn't healthy for him or for your marriage. Proceed from there to find out if a compromise would be workable.

DEAR READERS: At sundown, the first night of Passover begins. This major Jewish holiday celebrates the most momentous event in Jewish history -- the liberation of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt. Happy Passover to my readers who observe this important holiday. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: The first Christmas my future husband and I were dating, he gave me an angel ring. I asked him to take me to a bar where my best friend worked so I could show it to her. When I showed it to her, she told me her cancer had come back. I gave her the ring and told her to hang onto it, hoping it would give her the strength to fight another round.

Twenty years later, she became angry with me and wanted to end the friendship. I told her that it was OK and asked her to return the ring. Abby, my entire family saw my husband give it to me. But now she has made up this story about how she had put it on layaway for a year, and it never belonged to me. Even worse is that she played me. She never had cancer in the first place.

While we were at school, her parents emptied their house, except for the contents of her room and disappeared. My mom offered her a home, but she declined. She was into drugs. Yes, she had some tough breaks, but so have a lot of other people, and they haven't stolen or lied to their friends. We had each other's back for 40 years and now this has happened. I am heartbroken. She doesn't seem to care -- the layaway lie is her story and she's sticking to it. What do I do? -- LOST MY RING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: Accept that the ring is gone. Your drug-addicted "friend" stole it and may have sold it. You may not yet realize it, but you are fortunate that she's now out of your life. You may have thought she had your back, but you were mistaken. She is dishonest and vengeful. If you're looking for friendship, you need to look in another direction. You couldn't do worse than this.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Chris," has two adult sons; I have an adult daughter, "Dori." My husband, Dori and I are close and happy. Chris doesn't believe in having only one child and never misses an opportunity to point out to me what a hardship it is to be an only child -- e.g., "It will be so hard on Dori when you die."

Chris doesn't know why we had only one child and I will never discuss such a private decision. It infuriates me every time she implies that we have somehow denied my daughter complete happiness by not providing siblings. Dori has given no indication of being unhappy as an only child. What do you think about this? -- BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOTHERED: I am so glad you asked. Your sister's behavior all these years has been relentless and heartless. For whatever reason, she has it in for you and can't resist the urge to "stick it to you" whenever she sees the chance. I think you should distance yourself from Chris. Some people choose to have only one child and manage to raise a happy and well-adjusted offspring, as you have done. Others have just one child because they cannot have another.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 30 years. It was an unpleasant divorce because Dad had an affair with a woman he worked with and married her soon after. Mom was devastated. She and Dad were high school sweethearts.

Both have moved on from this -- sort of. Dad has since divorced, remarried and divorced again. He's now with a woman he isn't married to, but who is wonderful to him. My mom remarried to a lovely man she knew in high school. But she still talks about my dad and how he hurt her.

I knew about the affair when I was younger and, as I grew older, I discovered there had been many more affairs with other women. Mom takes some responsibility for the divorce. She mentioned that she wasn't always "there" for Dad because she had young children and was tired.

I recently saw my father. He talked about Mom and opened up a new can of worms. He confided that he always wanted to be a "one-woman guy" and have one wife, but not only was my mom rarely "there" for him, but they also didn't have relations for the first two years of their marriage.

Both parents are getting up in age now. Knowing this and the continuous blame game, should I bring this up to Mom the next time she talks about Dad in a negative light or let it go? -- PULLED IN TWO IN FLORIDA

DEAR PULLED: If you bring up what your father told you, it will only stir the pot. Let it go. But before you do, tell your mother you know the divorce was hurtful to both of them, and you would appreciate it if she wouldn't discuss it with you further.

As to your father, he had no business discussing what he did with you. If he brings it up again, remind him that his marriage to your mother was only his first marriage, and you don't want to hear it again because it was inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: We have a couple we occasionally invite over for games and dessert. For the last several months, they have been asking me if the dessert I've made is from a mix. They are not joking; they are serious. I'm a good cook and baker. They've eaten here often and know I cook from scratch. I try to make something special every time they come. To ask if I used a mix is an insult and very hurtful.

I tried showing them the recipe for whatever dessert I've made for an evening, but it hasn't put the issue to bed. I invite them to our home less often because of this. If it were just me, I'd quit seeing them altogether, but my husband plays golf with the husband, and I don't want to mess that up.

How can I figure out why this started and get them to stop? If I get into it when it happens, it will ruin our evening. -- TRYING TO GET ALONG IN NEVADA

DEAR TRYING: Call the wife and ask her calmly and privately why she and her husband keep doing this. Remind her that she knows darn well that you prepare the food you serve them from scratch, and you are puzzled about why she has been implying that you didn't. Then let her explain.

After that, ask if she and her husband would prefer that, instead of you spending hours in the kitchen before their visits, you simply order pizza and a salad?