DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a lovely older neighborhood and have enjoyed wonderful neighbors over many years. The homes are close together with windows often left open in spring, summer and fall, as large shade trees keep our homes cool.

A couple of years ago, our longtime next-door neighbors moved, and a new neighbor, a single woman, moved in. She was quiet, and we would occasionally visit in the yard. Well, over the last few months, a "problem" has developed. This neighbor has a new male friend who is there much of the time. Since the new friend's arrival, loud moaning sounds frequently emanate from her home.

It quickly went from a bit funny to shocking to annoying. It's unbelievable how loud and prolonged the moaning sounds are, the "Oh, Gods," the slapping and spanking sounds, not to mention the frequent back-to-back sessions.

Other neighbors hear it and have commented, so it's not just we who are offended. One neighbor thought someone was in distress and almost called the police until another neighbor told her what it was. It has awakened us and kept us up at night. Also of concern is that there are small children among our nearest neighbors.

Abby, is there anything you can suggest I do so our neighbor keeps her private business private without embarrassing or offending her? I would sure like to put an end to the auditory assault. -- KEPT AWAKE IN OHIO

DEAR KEPT AWAKE: Approach your neighbor privately and inform her that the sounds of her lovemaking are creating a disturbance not only for you, but also for the other neighbors. Tell her that one of them nearly called the cops, but someone was able to stop the person. Then suggest that when she entertains her gentleman caller, they close the windows, because not only are people scandalized, but there are children who can hear what's going on. Then cross your fingers. If the noise isn't abated, do inform the authorities. Perhaps they can be more persuasive.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married to my husband for 40 (long) years. Whenever I do something wrong, I get a note on the kitchen counter. This has gone on for years and years. This is the note I woke up to this morning. "Why did you leave the light on in the garage? To burn it out to see what I would do? I will do nothing except go to the garage in daylight." He always makes it seem like I purposely do things. I'm tired of being treated like this. What is his problem? -- NOTES IN THE EAST

DEAR NOTES: I will assume you have addressed this directly with your husband. For whatever reason, he is hesitant to communicate with you face-to-face, which is why he resorts to notes on the kitchen counter. Instead of openly expressing his annoyance, he expresses it indirectly, which is the definition of passive-aggression. The next time it happens, call him on it -- and confront him directly.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my sister and I took our kids on vacation together. She and I get along but have never been close. Sometimes I walk on eggshells around her because I never know what might make her upset.

I thought we were having a good time on that vacation and getting along well, even though I was anxious. We were both taking pictures with our phones, and she handed me hers to forward myself some of the pictures. While I was looking at them, a text message pinged, and I checked it without thinking about it not being my phone.

It turns out my sister had spent the entire vacation texting about my "B.S.," my inability to do anything competently and even referenced something that happened years before. I had noticed her constant texting but said nothing because I didn't want to risk an argument.

I am still angry about this and don't know how to let it go. I really don't want to travel with her again, since I know the invisible third party will be with us the whole time. How do I deal with this? -- STAYING PUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STAYING PUT: When you saw that message from your sister's text partner you should have handed her the phone and started packing. You are not obligated to travel with someone who causes you to walk on eggshells, ignores you, puts you down and says nasty things behind your back. Don't be mean about taking steps to protect yourself. Simply stop vacationing with her. (I know I sure would!)

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently had her DNA tested so she could learn more about her genealogy. She then decided to make her results public so other possible relatives could contact her. Not long ago, she received an email from a man, "Stan," claiming a DNA match.

Stan said he was adopted, and his search to find his birth parents had hit a dead end. My wife immediately recalled old family stories about an older relative -- who is still alive -- who had given up her baby for adoption. Several pieces of information from Stan matched (like his birthplace), and we have no doubt my wife's relative is this man's parent.

Our question: Do we help Stan contact his long-lost parent? As sad as it may be, I don't think it's our business to surprise my wife's kin with news of a son they've never talked about. My wife is leaning in the opposite direction and sees no harm. What do we do? -- TO HELP OR NOT TO HELP?

DEAR TO HELP: Your wife should contact the relative in question, explain about her DNA test and inform her that she has been contacted by a man claiming he is related. She should tell her relative she had long ago heard about a child that may have been placed for adoption. If your wife's relative would like to have "Stan's" contact information, she should share it. However, if this relative isn't open to being contacted, your wife should let the matter rest.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happy, decidedly single woman with a large group of friends who are all married. Most of us grew up together, and all of us have been like extended family for the past 25 years.

This year, one of the wives lost three family members within three months. This has been devastating to her, of course, as well as to all of us as we watch her struggle to regain her footing in this new reality. I know firsthand the pain she's living with.

My problem is, she has started accusing me of having an affair with her husband. Nothing could be further from the truth! I'm torn between trying to remember she is angry and lashing out from her losses and being deeply insulted and angry at her.

I have done nothing inappropriate, nor has her husband. I am shocked that she could think such a thing. We see each other often, and I don't know how to treat her. -- FRIEND OR FOE IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRIEND OR FOE: I am concerned for your friend. Are you sure she doesn't have other emotional or marital problems besides her grief? That she would accuse you of having an affair with her husband when nothing of the sort is happening could be a clue that something is wrong ... with her.

Treat her with kindness and suggest that she should talk with a marriage counselor if she feels something has gone wrong in her marriage, because if it's true, it has nothing to do with you.

DEAR ABBY: Any suggestions on how to motivate a husband? We've been happily married for 35 years. Now he does nothing but read, eat and sleep. I'm not exaggerating. He started reading about 15 years ago when our boys were teenagers. He was an active parent, Boy Scout leader, baseball coach, umpire, volunteer in the church, got his masters, and took a high-energy exercise program, etc. But then he discovered fantasy fan fiction, free stories on the internet written by unpublished authors.

He now reads 16 to 18 hours a day on weekends, plus 10 hours each day during the week. He does nothing else -- no exercise, no house maintenance, nothing. When I asked if he's depressed, he said no, he's just tired and wants to relax. He has regular medical checkups; nothing abnormal there. His career is not high stress -- it's office work.

I cannot get him to socialize, and he no longer keeps up with his friends. All he looks forward to is retiring in about a year, but I don't want him to retire just to see him read more. This is making for a very lonely marriage. I am unable to motivate him to do anything. -- MOTIVATED IN THE EAST

DEAR MOTIVATED: It is time for a frank conversation with your husband. Ask him what he's using the fan fiction bingeing to escape from. Point out that the lifestyle he has adopted isn't healthy for him or for your marriage. Proceed from there to find out if a compromise would be workable.

DEAR READERS: At sundown, the first night of Passover begins. This major Jewish holiday celebrates the most momentous event in Jewish history -- the liberation of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt. Happy Passover to my readers who observe this important holiday. -- LOVE, ABBY