DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for nine years. Before that I was a stay-at-home mom raising four children. I had an in-home business, and most of the money went to our family's needs.

My husband became an alcoholic 20 years into our 28-year marriage. After we divorced, my two adult daughters abandoned me because I receive spousal support from their father. Whenever I let them know how much I miss them, the only answer they give is that they will resume a relationship when I stop "taking the money."

My younger daughter and I were close for years after the divorce. Then, all of a sudden, everything changed, and she ceased all communication. I used to have wonderful relationships with both. They have since blocked communication with me and moved far away from me and their father.

I would love to have a relationship with them, but everything is a dead end. If you're wondering, yes, the money is used for living expenses, help, etc. Please help. -- INCREDULOUS IN OREGON

DEAR INCREDULOUS: So your daughters have decided to side with their drunkard of a father and are trying to blackmail you into submission. PLEASE don't allow them to get away with it. Continue taking the alimony to which you are entitled, and go on with your life. You can only hope that your daughters eventually will see the light. As I see it, you really have no other choice because, at this point, you are dependent on those funds to survive.

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with whether I am obligated to organize a party for our 50th anniversary. I was the main caregiver for my wife until a year ago, when I physically could no longer do it and had to put her in a board and care facility. She has Alzheimer's, is wheelchair-bound, and must be fed and changed.

I still work during the day, but I help put her to bed at night. On the weekends, I wheel her to a park so she can get fresh air and watch kids on the playground. She perks up when she sees me, and I always feel good when I can get her to laugh about something her goofy husband tried to do or botched.

We have five grandchildren close by, and she has two sisters and a brother and many cousins. One sister visits her often. The care facility is small, but they love parties. Anniversaries are important, but as time goes on, they seem to just come and go. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have shared my life with my wife. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- PARTY OR NOT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARTY OR NOT: If you think your wife would enjoy it, arrange for a cake and beverages and invite the relatives. Before you do that, though, ask her caregivers if it would intimidate or frighten her to have so much activity going on around her. If it would give you pleasure to do this, you have my blessing. However, please remember that it is not an obligation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a lovely older neighborhood and have enjoyed wonderful neighbors over many years. The homes are close together with windows often left open in spring, summer and fall, as large shade trees keep our homes cool.

A couple of years ago, our longtime next-door neighbors moved, and a new neighbor, a single woman, moved in. She was quiet, and we would occasionally visit in the yard. Well, over the last few months, a "problem" has developed. This neighbor has a new male friend who is there much of the time. Since the new friend's arrival, loud moaning sounds frequently emanate from her home.

It quickly went from a bit funny to shocking to annoying. It's unbelievable how loud and prolonged the moaning sounds are, the "Oh, Gods," the slapping and spanking sounds, not to mention the frequent back-to-back sessions.

Other neighbors hear it and have commented, so it's not just we who are offended. One neighbor thought someone was in distress and almost called the police until another neighbor told her what it was. It has awakened us and kept us up at night. Also of concern is that there are small children among our nearest neighbors.

Abby, is there anything you can suggest I do so our neighbor keeps her private business private without embarrassing or offending her? I would sure like to put an end to the auditory assault. -- KEPT AWAKE IN OHIO

DEAR KEPT AWAKE: Approach your neighbor privately and inform her that the sounds of her lovemaking are creating a disturbance not only for you, but also for the other neighbors. Tell her that one of them nearly called the cops, but someone was able to stop the person. Then suggest that when she entertains her gentleman caller, they close the windows, because not only are people scandalized, but there are children who can hear what's going on. Then cross your fingers. If the noise isn't abated, do inform the authorities. Perhaps they can be more persuasive.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married to my husband for 40 (long) years. Whenever I do something wrong, I get a note on the kitchen counter. This has gone on for years and years. This is the note I woke up to this morning. "Why did you leave the light on in the garage? To burn it out to see what I would do? I will do nothing except go to the garage in daylight." He always makes it seem like I purposely do things. I'm tired of being treated like this. What is his problem? -- NOTES IN THE EAST

DEAR NOTES: I will assume you have addressed this directly with your husband. For whatever reason, he is hesitant to communicate with you face-to-face, which is why he resorts to notes on the kitchen counter. Instead of openly expressing his annoyance, he expresses it indirectly, which is the definition of passive-aggression. The next time it happens, call him on it -- and confront him directly.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my sister and I took our kids on vacation together. She and I get along but have never been close. Sometimes I walk on eggshells around her because I never know what might make her upset.

I thought we were having a good time on that vacation and getting along well, even though I was anxious. We were both taking pictures with our phones, and she handed me hers to forward myself some of the pictures. While I was looking at them, a text message pinged, and I checked it without thinking about it not being my phone.

It turns out my sister had spent the entire vacation texting about my "B.S.," my inability to do anything competently and even referenced something that happened years before. I had noticed her constant texting but said nothing because I didn't want to risk an argument.

I am still angry about this and don't know how to let it go. I really don't want to travel with her again, since I know the invisible third party will be with us the whole time. How do I deal with this? -- STAYING PUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STAYING PUT: When you saw that message from your sister's text partner you should have handed her the phone and started packing. You are not obligated to travel with someone who causes you to walk on eggshells, ignores you, puts you down and says nasty things behind your back. Don't be mean about taking steps to protect yourself. Simply stop vacationing with her. (I know I sure would!)

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently had her DNA tested so she could learn more about her genealogy. She then decided to make her results public so other possible relatives could contact her. Not long ago, she received an email from a man, "Stan," claiming a DNA match.

Stan said he was adopted, and his search to find his birth parents had hit a dead end. My wife immediately recalled old family stories about an older relative -- who is still alive -- who had given up her baby for adoption. Several pieces of information from Stan matched (like his birthplace), and we have no doubt my wife's relative is this man's parent.

Our question: Do we help Stan contact his long-lost parent? As sad as it may be, I don't think it's our business to surprise my wife's kin with news of a son they've never talked about. My wife is leaning in the opposite direction and sees no harm. What do we do? -- TO HELP OR NOT TO HELP?

DEAR TO HELP: Your wife should contact the relative in question, explain about her DNA test and inform her that she has been contacted by a man claiming he is related. She should tell her relative she had long ago heard about a child that may have been placed for adoption. If your wife's relative would like to have "Stan's" contact information, she should share it. However, if this relative isn't open to being contacted, your wife should let the matter rest.