Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am sad that I haven't found a long-lasting husband. I'm divorced, and my previous relationships and marriage look like intentional hits. I'm not sure what brought this on. I'm in my 40s and I still would like a man in my life. The men I've met all seem to enjoy having their homes to themselves. It's kind of frightening.

Some female friends have told me that the good ones are already taken, so I'm waiting for a divorce to happen. Should I try online dating? Do you think I should reach out to another state for someone? -- IMPATIENT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR IMPATIENT: Stop waiting for a divorce to "happen" -- those men have been burned and aren't likely to be candidates for marriage in the near future. Because an increasing number of matches are made via online dating sites, write a profile and post it on a couple that cater to mature adults, preferably who live relatively close by. If you meet someone, take things slowly and you may have better luck.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my parents gave me a beautiful piece of property and the opportunity to build a small house, mortgage-free. The problem is, during those few years, I married and started a family. We have now outgrown the house and are in desperate need of an upgrade.

We'd like to sell the house and use the funds to buy something more accommodating. Adding on is not an option, as our funds are limited, and we could use the proceeds from the sale to buy something we won't have to fix up.

I don't know how to break the news to my parents that we want to sell. My father worked hard to provide this opportunity for me, and I don't know how to say it. Any advice? -- IN A DILEMMA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DILEMMA: Tell your father you are grateful for the effort it took for him to give you the chance to own a home of your own. Then bite the bullet and point out that since the house was built, your family has grown to the point that it is no longer practical, so you would like to sell it and use the money to move to a larger place that can more comfortably accommodate your needs. To do that is not unreasonable or ungrateful.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to lose your sense of humor because of a stroke? Before it happened, my dear sister was witty, fun-loving and the life of the party. She has recovered physically, but she no longer has a sense of humor. Everything is deadly serious to her now, and she doesn't understand when someone is making a joke. I want her to "lighten up," but I'm afraid this might be a result of her brain injury. Any insight? -- LAUGHING BY MYSELF

DEAR LAUGHING: What you have described could absolutely be related to your sister's stroke. When it happened, certain areas of her brain were "disconnected." This isn't her fault, and telling her to "lighten up" will not improve the situation. Thank your higher power that she has recovered physically, keep your comments direct and literal, limit the jokes and you will both be more comfortable.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Will," and I have been together for seven years. We get along great. I love his close-knit family and adore his parents. He's the youngest of five brothers, most of whom I get along with great. The only brother I don't know is the oldest. "Rick" has been incarcerated for the better part of 30 years for rape. I've always known about him and the "sugar-coated" circumstances surrounding his incarceration.

Recently, Rick has been letting the family know that he has been rehabilitated and will be released with extensive supervision. He told my boyfriend he would like to meet me and also connect with the nieces and nephews he's never met (not my children). Upon hearing this, I did some research, and I found the non-sugar-coated details of his crimes. Will has made clear to me he will support his brother's release and is excited to see him. This is the same feeling most of the other family has.

Abby, the thought of being in Rick's presence terrifies me. I don't believe a person who commits a crime of this magnitude can be rehabilitated. (A few others feel the same as I do.) I'm worried about the backlash I may receive from family members, as well as his parents, who wholeheartedly believe Rick's release is warranted. Help, please. -- APPREHENSIVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: I understand your apprehension. However, Brother Rick will have served his time when he's released, and it won't be without strings attached. If you want a relationship with Will, you are going to have to meet his brother. Of course, it will be under supervised conditions -- with your boyfriend and other relatives, so you won't be alone with him.

As you get to know Rick (it will happen in stages), you may become less fearful of him. Your intuition will guide you. However, if you are still uncomfortable after that, you may have to end your relationship with Will.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter gave her daddy (my husband) concert tickets -- for just him, her husband and herself, and excluded me. I was given no warning that she planned to do this, and all the tickets were all sold out when I went online and looked -- not that I would've gone anyhow. It would've been pushing my way in where I felt I wasn't wanted.

How should I handle this? I know my husband is struggling with it, and I'd like to talk to him about it. I feel like he's being put in the middle and feels he must go because his daughter bought the ticket. Should he not go and make his daughter mad, or go and make me mad? How would you handle this? What should I say to my husband so I'm not the bad guy? -- OUT OF THE ARENA IN ALABAMA

DEAR OUT: What you should say to your husband is the truth. Tell him, "Go to the concert, Honey, and have a good time. I'm just confused about why your daughter didn't include me."

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Sandy" divorced her husband 15 years ago. Her oldest son, "Nick," has never gotten over it. He's 30 now and has treated her badly over the years. He not only vandalized her home but has also said horrible things to her. She maintained a relationship with him despite his behavior, supporting him emotionally and sometimes financially.

Sandy has been engaged to her long-term boyfriend for three years, but Nick is hostile toward him. He calls him names, denigrates his faith and refuses to accept him as part of the family. Her fiance has grown tired of this treatment, and I'm afraid it may cause their breakup.

My sister doesn't want to lose her son over this, and everyone in our family, including her other children, loves Nick. What can she do? -- SEES DYSFUNCTION IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SEES: What your sister should do depends upon what's more important to her. If losing her fiance to maintain a relationship with her disrespectful and unloving son is paramount, she should end their romantic relationship. Of course, it won't change her son's deplorable behavior, and she will have to accept that. OR she can decide to go on with her life and possibly marry her gentleman friend. The rest of the family can continue to love Nick as much as they wish, and everyone will be happier.

P.S. I can't help but wonder why this letter came from you and not from your sister. The most unwelcome advice is that which is unsolicited.

DEAR ABBY: As far as I'm concerned, my marriage is over. For the past 10 years or more, my wife has recklessly spent our joint savings and my pension savings, taken out credit cards in my name without my knowledge and put us through bankruptcy. We now have over $50k in debt with nothing left. She has also been having affairs on the side.

I can't trust a word she says or continue to live like this. Each time, she has begged for forgiveness and promised not to do it anymore -- until she does it a week later. We agreed to separate a month ago, but now she realizes there's not going to be any regular income from me and wants to stay married. When I told her no, she attacked me physically.

I don't want the police involved. I have a daughter on the spectrum. Although she's a young adult, she will blame me, and what relationship I have with her will be destroyed. I have been advised to not move out, as that can be seen by the courts as abandoning my property to her. Please advise, Abby. -- END OF THE ROAD

DEAR END: The best advice I can offer you is to tell this story to the best divorce lawyer you can find (interview several) and follow that person's advice to the letter. If you must remain on the property, buy a sturdy lock for your bedroom door, and use it. If your wife becomes violent again, DO involve the police, and get out of there as soon as you safely can.